As improbable as it is, sometimes I wish I can go back in time, and fix things or prevent others from happening. I know that it does us no good to dwell in the past, but when horrific and tragically traumatic instances occur in our lives, it is hard not to wonder “what-if?” If only […]
Read moreHealth is Wealth
I have chosen to be open about a lot of my struggles, personal, physical, and mental. It is no secret that I have the knees of a geriatric former paratrooper and anyone who has grappled with me has felt my right knee grind together like some rusty gears. Hell, I just posted a picture of […]
Read moreI’m a Dumb Dumb
Me to me every day: “It is a privilege to get older. Life is full of wonderful things. I am enjoying reaching every new era in my life.” My knees: “Settle the fuck down. You’re in your 30’s. The right knee is hanging on by a thread and swelling day by day.” I just turned […]
Read moreCause I’d Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing at All
What happens when the pain just gets to be too much? Emotional, physical, whichever. It all hurts. Pain is such a universally relatable experience; something each person on planet earth understands. What we don’t always understand, however, are certain types of pain or how each person processes pain differently. Everyone assesses levels of pain uniquely, […]
Read moreRed, White, Black & Blue
I love my sport, I really do, but man this body is taking a beating. Thank god there are so many supplements, vitamins, stem cells, and collagen boosters that help me heal because my body is struggling these days. I am gearing up to go to Open Mat and I am hurting like the dickens […]
Read moreIt’s My Party & I’ll Cry if I Want To
What a whirlwind the entirety of the last week has been. Another birthday, another year older, another weekend filled with busy obligations and Jiu Jitsu events. I’ve been struggling (nay, been devastated) coming to terms with the reflection I see in the mirror lately. My face just feels different, in a way that I don’t […]
Read moreKarma, Karma, Karma, Karma, Karma Chameleon
I have come to the recent conclusion that I must have been a child murderer in a past life, or at least something as equally awful, because as of late, I can’t seem to catch a break, at least from a competition standpoint. Between irreverent calls at major IBJJF competitions, a number of opponents lacking […]
Read moreNew Year, Same Tears
You know, sometimes it’s pretty exhausting always trying to be the ever optimistic voice of reason and profound happiness for every fucking person. I almost feel like I don’t have a right to ever be down or sad because I always have to be the person people turn to when they themselves are down in […]
Read moreAnd The Hits Just Keep on Coming
If you follow me on social media, you’ve probably seen the rough patch I have endured recently. It first started with my Bubbe (grandma) passing. I was lucky to have her in my life for so many years. She lived to be 91 and I spent several hours with her a few days before she […]
Read moreI’m Bad at Love
Taking a page out of Halsey’s book because there is no other way for me to put it then to simply say, ‘I’m bad at love.’ What I mean by this is I’ve always been stubborn when it came to relationships, and not just the romantic type. I struggle to build bonds and form alliances […]
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