Sticks & Stones

It’s no secret I have a lot of feelings when it comes to this blog, or the things in life I am passionate about. One of them predominately being Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, as much of my life centers around that topic in particular. With an abundance of competition happening lately with me being unable to participate, I started thinking about all of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions I have surrounding competition in regards to Jiu Jitsu. There are so many things that make up the sport, and when you really take it all into account on the grand spectrum, it is really such a niche and select group of people, the majority of the world really doesn’t give one iota of an ounce of care of who we are and what we do. I have been out to dinner with some of the best grapplers in the world, and no one bats an eye in our direction that they are dining in the vicinity of grappling greatness. To them, the person eating steak two tables away is just regular Joe Schmoe, and not the the person who could obliterate their limbs or choke them unconscious in the blink of an eye. More people would recognize the UFC fighters of the world, but you think people at the diner know who Mikey Musumeci is when he walks through the door? Or that he could wreck that entire room? Lol, nah dog.

Basically, what I am getting out is so many people won’t ever understand the trials and tribulations that we endure and go through each and every single day. Even those that do Jiu Jitsu might never understand or relate to the feelings of those that compete and vice versa. I was talking to several competitors at the most recent Toro Cup event (grappling charity event of BJJ superfights streamed live on FloGrappling) this past weekend, and they would be so shocked to hear how each was in awe of their own opponent. Many of the ladies I had spoken with were a bundle of nerves beforehand, and even had feelings of self-doubt during their match and fleeting moments wondering whether they should push forward and continue. Boy, would they be shocked to know their opponent was facing those exact same thoughts. It’s crazy how we build up any negative thought or emotion in our head as very self-isolating, when it is almost a universally shared experience.

I am always very grateful to my opponents, for without them, I wouldn’t have an MMA fight or a Jiu Jitsu match to be able to partake in. I do have an interesting take on the posts I make on social media after the fact. For example, if I win the fight or the match, I’ll make the post with the pictures and captions and thank my opponent by name, but I won’t tag their account directly. Reason being, I don’t want them to get a notification every single time someone ‘likes’ or ‘comments’ on the post in case it messes with their head space and they view it as disrespectful. You never really know what someone is dealing with or what physical and mental battles they are going through at the time, and if this is a hard phase in their life, I don’t want to add to their plate with a constant influx of reminders. Especially because I can’t control the things that people say and I don’t want someone to ever leave a particularly harsh or hurtful comment that upsets them because I know that could have easily have been me on the losing end as it has before and it will be again. Sure, they can go through the hassle of untagging themselves, but some people might be worried of how that it is perceived and why give them something extra to stress about after they already are dealing with enough. No one likes a gloater. Be gracious in victory and humble in defeat.

If I lose a fight or a match, I have zero problem tagging an opponent directly to thank them as long as they had been respectful, which fortunately, most people are. I think people work hard, and definitely deserve the kudos and recognition and I like to acknowledge them for it. Of course there have been instances where I have fought and competed and there has been turmoil that took place, but for the most part, people understand that for most of us, this is either a paid job if we are lucky, or simply a hobby, and life is much bigger than this small fraction of a tiny part of it that we get to participate in. We get to experience some incredible highs, and unfortunately, some devastating lows. Some things I will share on social media, and somethings I may keep privately tucked away in my heart, but usually it is for the preservation of others as I, myself, like to remain an open book. For example, I have shared some breakdowns of my husband’s matches recently, but there was one angle that I reserved for our private student’s page for teaching purpose’s only out of respect for his gracious opponent who I have nothing but the utmost respect for. Had the situations been reversed, I would hope he would do the same.

I’m sure there are people out there thinking I read way too much into the things I post or say, but I have a platform, and I do believe in intent and that words have meaning. I don’t know who it was that said sticks and stones could break your bones but words could never hurt you, but that to me is a straight up lie. As a professional MMA fighter and BJJ black belt, I have had nasty injuries, bone breaks, bleeding cuts, torn ligaments, you name it. Hell, just the other week, I severed my one remaining good knee ligament that sounded like a twig snapping, reverberating off the gym walls, echoing loudly over the sounds of the cacophony of music, completely drowning out the stereo system and also my shudders of pain. And nothing has cut me deeper and worse than the scathing and nasty remarks of an insecure individual. Someone who is so hurt and so deeply unhappy with themselves that they lash out at others, especially where they are safest and most comfortable, behind the sanctuary of a portable keyboard. I refuse to contribute in any shape or form to someone else’s mental pain or anguish. While I won’t dim my own light and still promise to celebrate my own successes, I can do so without finding the need to put down someone else. I can post my triumphs without pointing out someone else’s failures. A simple ask, really. Just something to think about.