Perhaps now more than ever, the fear of missing out is rapidly integrating itself into the collective minds of all those stuck in the 2020 cycle of the chaos in this current state. Especially to all of those still immersed in some form of lockdown, constantly checking social media accounts to peep in on the lives of others and make sure they aren’t left behind on certain happenstances occurring. The Oxford dictionary describes FOMO as an all consuming social anxiety stemmed from the belief that others may be having fun while the person incessantly checking in on them is not present. This anxiety is crippling, and often leads to depressive episodes and disillusioned mindsets from the desire to stay continuously connected to what others are doing. We can become jealous by convincing ourselves of all the fun others are having without us, especially while stuck in isolation, and this leads to negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions on the matter. We can trick ourselves into feeling like we are a burden, that others are clearly better off and able to have more fun if we aren’t around, and that all our presence does is bring down the mood of everyone else. All of this coupled with the influx of social media is, in my opinion, a more detrimental pandemic than any respiratory virus circulating in existence.
I’m not going to lie and pretend that I don’t often feel as if I am missing out on things, and I have a horrible habit of perusing instagram, facebook, snapchat, and twitter when I am bored or just laying around. I also will create my own post when I am feeling low to try and bring up the atmosphere, even beginning motivational Monday posts where I ask for others to share something positive about a personal topic I bring up. But is this all really conducive? Or am I a self-serving asshole looking for gratification to validate my positive impact on the world? Time magazine is quoted as saying “Posting to alleviate your discomfort also has a secondary effect: by presenting your carefully edited version of life awesomeness, you just made anyone who sees it feel worse. You are spreading the virus.” Shit. Now I’m wondering if I’m patient zero on my own FOMO folly and creating feelings of anxiety in others by instigating certain posts online. What a vicious cycle of catch-22 I’ve stumbled upon.
This upcoming weekend, I’m supposed to join a bunch of f friends and members from my gym on a getaway at the beach to celebrate a dear teammate’s 40th birthday. However, instead of getting there Friday afternoon with my partner, I won’t be arriving until later Saturday evening because I will be training and helping my friend prepare for her UFC fight next Saturday. I love these training sessions and am more than excited to do my part and help everyone while simultaneously they are also helping me improve (iron sharpens iron), but I can’t help to wonder how much fun everyone else will be having without me. Sacrifices are part of the game, and in the long run, I know these training sessions will payoff tenfold, so I’m hoping that the shortened time I do have to unwind oceanside will be spent with every moment utilized to the best of my ability. And I’ll remind myself to not incessantly check social media platforms to see everyone drinking margaritas with their toes in the sand while I’m being kicked in the face.
Anxiety is a bitch, and one of the hardest realizations to come to terms with is that much of it is self-inducing. I think it is incredibly beneficial to take breaks from social media, or to unfollow/unfriend people that aren’t good for our mental health. Whether that be because of antagonistic posts they make, or because they seem to be excelling at almost everything and the accomplishments after accomplishments or exceptional lifestyle is making us feel inferior. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having to unfollow these people to preserve our own sanity and emotions, and as long as we aren’t directing any bitterness or hatred toward them, we should be allowed that mental reprieve. Let’s normalize the impact social media posts can have on our health and wellbeing, and understand that sometimes it is okay to put ourselves first. The worst thing someone can do is purposely try to sabotage someone else, or shit on their happiness, or make their posts and victories somehow about them just because they are insecure with a stagnant situation in their life. If your friend gets a Jiu Jitsu promotion, hit ‘like’ and congratulate them. If you are envious of their accolades, just keep scrolling or unfollow. But do not comment asking how long they trained in an accusatory manner or mention your promotion etc. Let others enjoy things and have their moment in the sun. You aren’t missing out when someone else succeeds at something; it’s just your mind playing tricks on you.
I may have to miss out on some things while in preparation for fights, or weight cuts, or training, but this does not necessarily mean that my life is unfulfilled. Sure, I may not be able to indulge in a rich piece of chocolatey cake during a celebratory event, but victory pizza tastes way better anyways and there are plenty of other things I have going on in my life to help fill that void. We look at others having fun as a fear that we are the ones missing out, but who’s to say there aren’t dozens of others looking at us with envy that they are the ones missing out on what we got? There is always going to be something others are doing or participating in, and in this day and age, we can see it at the tips of our fingers, so why let that get us down? The sooner we can make peace with the idea that everyone is eventually going to possess something or do something that we won’t be a part of, the happier all of us will be. Isolation and social media are a more dangerous mix than fentanyl and alcohol, and we all could do with a rehabilitative exploit into weaning off our tablets, phones, and laptops and being glued to them less often. I’m trying to live in the moment and not worry or concern myself with what others are doing, and I have definitely noticed a huge improvement in my mood because of it. My new motto going forward: FOMO no mo’.
