Emotional Regulation

I have always found that people are like icebergs; you see a tiny bit of them peeking out above the surface, but there is so much more of them that lies beneath which you can not see. There is a part of us we openly display to the world, i.e., in public and across social media. And there is a much vaster part that we keep hidden inside of us, and much like the titanic, it can have catastrophic consequences when someone or something blindly collides with us and forces us to spill overboard. It would be nice if we all lived these fairy-tale lives in the land of make believe where nothing ever goes wrong, but that is simply not the case. Truth is we are all dealing with an ever-surmounting exuberant pile of woes. When it rains, it pours, and sometimes you catch yourself in the middle of a hurricane without even an umbrella to help shield you from the torrential downpour.

Take for example a commute in which you are pressed for time. We have all been there; you woke up late, stubbed your toe in a foggy haze, feel kind of off all morning while getting ready for work, spill your coffee on your shirt. and trudge along, not looking forward to the occupation destination after your drive. As the anxiety creeps in as you watch the clock, you get stuck behind someone going 5 miles under the speed limit. On a typical day in which you weren’t already stressed out, it could have easily been ignored. But on a day like this, you became enraged at the audacity of this person to impede your travel. Seething with rage, you begin to hurl every expletive in the book at this clearly inconsiderate individual. Even when deep down you know the traffic is not their fault, you can’t help but to target your anger on a specific individual. Sure, it’s projecting, but it’s so easy to blame someone and help release your anger rather than reflect and swallow the hard pill of taking personal accountability for your tardiness.

When it comes to competition, the adrenaline and anxiety begin to creep in the closer you get to the projected match date. Every little inconvenience is almost enough to send you over the edge. Especially if things in your personal life are also a bit chaotic at the moment. The one thing that brings me solace and comfort is knowing that it’s not just me. I can almost guarantee that my teammates, my opponents, and almost everyone in that arena is currently dealing with struggles in their personal life on top of the stress that comes with competition. From financial woes, to health issues, to nagging injuries and ailments, to worrying about other people’s situations, to mental blocks, and physical blocks, and any other problems causing you grief. Very rarely will you feel 100% going into the bullpen or the cage. People who become successful at shutting out those outside noises jabbering away in your ear are miles ahead of the curve. Learning to silence those doubting voices is an enviable skill.

It’s important to do your best to remain calm and collected. Not everyone is out to get you, or sabotage you, or throw a wrench into your plans. Just because some things come up, doesn’t make it the end-all-be-all. It may be easier said than done, but sometimes we need to take a step back and breathe; as we can often times be our own worst enemy. Rather than adapting and overcoming, those who struggle with emotional regulation will shut down and lash out. The worst thing that can happen is if this becomes a pattern of behavior; now everyone is tiptoeing around you, walking on eggshells out of fear of you lashing out. Or people get tired of having to perpetually try to brighten the mood and bring someone up. I know it’s hard when we are suffering bouts of depression; I have been there and it’s miserable trying to pull yourself out of slumps. However, it comes to a point in time where we need to save ourselves. Great friends and family definitely help, but just like someone battling addiction, we need to want to get better in order to take those steps to start feeling better.

Emotions are hard, and learning how to reign them in when there are a multitude of issues bubbling just under the surface is even harder. Sometimes we have one thing after the other just piling up on our plate, and we are already anticipating choking when trying to swallow the heaping piles. Take a step back, close your eyes, and breathe. There is usually a solution lurking just behind the horizon, such as cutting smaller pieces to take bite-sized portions. Sure, it may take quite a bit longer, but it’s definitely safer. The last thing I ever want to do is project my emotional struggles onto someone else, for example, by yelling at someone who didn’t deserve it. Just like the innocent person on the road in front of you. I wish I could say I haven’t yelled at them from inside my car, but damn, people in this town just don’t know how to drive. I am learning how to regulate these emotions, however, and will not let one small inconvenience, or many minor grievances, ruin my day, week, month, or year. Life is certainly the hardest thing we all go through, and nobody makes it out alive, so might as well spend my short time here happy and grateful.