Family. It’s that time of year again, where there are so many pictures cropping up online of people with their families, enjoying spending some quality time together over the holidays. As fortunate as I feel to be able to have family around and close by in order to do this with, I also truly empathize with those who no longer have family around, or have lost loved ones this time of year, or are spending their holidays alone, or for the first time without someone special, and I know how truly difficult that can be. Especially around this particular season during a time when so many posts on social media are flooding your timelines with happy people surrounded by their families, with photos of full tables, gorgeous decor, and tons of presents. I’ve also seen a huge influx of people posting holiday themed pregnancy announcements or else actually announcing the birth of their baby, and I can’t help but to sympathize with those who have lost their children untimely, or their babies, or so desperately want to bring life into this world but are struggling to conceive. Something about the holidays really seems to amplify those feelings of solitude and grief, and can make someone’s struggles feel suffocating. What should be a season full of joy and giving thanks and feeling jolly, for some, it is anything but, and I am hoping that all those suffering with difficult emotions during this time, find some form of solace.
I am pretty neutral when it comes to the holiday season. I always put up the tree, stockings, menorah, and other decor during the holidays when my husband’s children were younger and still living at home. Now that everyone is all grown up and moved out, I just don’t really have the heart to make that extra effort to carve out some spare time when I am already so incredibly busy 24/7. I always feel embarrassingly guilty for the plain house, and apologize to my husband every year that I don’t contribute to decorations, though he does not mind at all and says he prefers not stressing over it anyway. I don’t particularly enjoy receiving gifts, but I do love giving them, and I also enjoy many of the experiences that come around this time of year. However, I do absolutely love throwing myself into the different foods I make for the different holidays. I absolutely love to prepare an elaborate Thanksgiving meal with all of the fixin’s, make latkes and matzo ball soup and sufganiyot for Chanukah, and prepare several Christmas themed appetizers and desserts, including Christmas Cookie platters for all of my neighbors and loved ones. Cooking and baking for others is definitely my love language, and my way of showing others how much I care, love, and appreciate them being in my life.
While I am not crazy on holiday movies, I can stomach watching them. I wouldn’t say I loathe holiday music, but I am simply not a fan. I do enjoy seeing others happy and more jovial this time of year, and it always warms my heart when I see extra acts of kindness cropping up everywhere. I’m kind of a sucker for ‘feel-good’ news stories and charitable acts. And I really like getting together with everyone and simply spending some quality time together just enjoying one another’s company, especially as the family keeps getting bigger and bigger with more marriages, more babies, and more meaningful people. But I also know that for others, the holidays can be a stark reminder on the things that are missing from your life. Whether that be a person no longer here, a baby that just hasn’t happened yet, a lost job, a different career than what you imagined, financial struggles, or even that your life isn’t turning out the way you expected and that holidays aren’t what you had hoped they would be by now. People always say to be grateful for the things that you do have, but that can minimize and invalidate someone’s feelings when the thing they so desperately want is out of reach.
There’s something extra about the holidays that can make missing someone particularly feel isolating and upsetting. This can bring a dark cloud over what is generally considered a joyous time of year celebrating happy festivities and even miracles. For those that have suffered devastating tragedies, it can seem almost like a mockery or a slap in the face. Especially seeing all these photos of happy people and happy families celebrating together. It becomes an enviable sore subject of why some people get to be jolly this time of year while others are faced with the constant reminder of agony. But I will always try my best to appreciate others in their winning seasons, because you never know what someone lost in their losing seasons. While it may look like a picture perfect Hallmark card on the surface, it can really just be a very good mask at hiding travesty and woe underneath. I wish the kindness that gets exacerbated around this time of year remained so year-round, but I will try to contribute the best way I can, usually with some form of food. My husband and I always offer someone a seat at the table in our home, usually with some smoked, freshly hunted meat, some baked goods, and a warm, crusty loaf of freshly-baked sourdough with some homemade whipped butter.
For those that you know maybe aren’t a fan of this time of year, try and be the person that they need. Whether it is simply a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to, a warm embrace to hug, some quiet company, a thoughtful gift, some yummy food, or even just a little bit of space. Communication is so helpful, especially for those who may not be the best at picking up environmental and social cues. Even if you’re not the type of person who goes out of their way for others, we can all at least practice being kinder and more patient with people to at least not contribute to their harsh times. My heart goes out to everyone struggling right now. To the hardworking single parent struggling to make ends meet who still wants their children to know the magic of Santa and have a good Christmas, but having no idea how to get the funds. To those far away from loved ones and family and will be spending another holiday alone. To any couple struggling to conceive when they so desperately want another tiny stocking to fill and finally start their family. To the person who received some bad news recently, whether it be work, health, or personal related, and is struggling to put on a smile as to not bring the holiday down for others. And especially to all those who have lost someone special, and struggle to get through the holiday season without them. Whether it’s the first time or the twelfth time, it never gets easier, just more habitual. I wish all of you a happy and healthy and loving holiday season and for everyone to have a little bit understanding that not all circumstances are the same. May everyone be patient with others, and most importantly, kind.
It was a runaway train, every passenger’s nightmare. Brakes failed and a sharp turn just a mile ahead. And a woman screamed out–that set off the panic. People opening windows, shoving and crying, except one couple. Sitting across from each other, the gentleman in a black suit winked at the woman in red heels. He slowly smiled and stood, reaching his hand out to her, and whispered in her ear, “Vamos a BaLeR [bailar].” The passengers sat back down as the train hurled towards the steep turn. People were laughing now and clapping in time as the talented couple whirled up and down the aisle. The old train came off the wheels around that corner, but settled back on the tracks, to the cheers of all that continued on its way. Baby, my beautiful Mahogany, the train is already going too fast to stop. Let’s just dance.