It’s crazy to me how these seconds turn into minutes, turn into hours, turn into days, turn into weeks, turn into months, then turn into years trickling on by. Before you know it, you blink and a decade has passed, then another. I have such a distinct memory of being in 4th grade, and it was my turn to be selected to give the morning announcements on the school-wide tv’s, displayed in every classroom. I was so excited, that when I was told to be down at the office in 5 minutes, I remember thinking how begrudgingly slow those 5 minutes seemed to last, almost like it would never be time. I have no recollection of anything I said on the announcements that day, but I can distinctly remember that feeling of time standing still and taking forever for it to be my turn. Whenever I am in a situation where I am tasked with waiting for something, I am brought back to that day all those years ago when I was 9 years old, wondering why everything was taking so long and when I would have my moment. Whether it is just listening to a clock tick by as I am waiting to enter the cage for a fight, or I am sitting on the couch, alone with my own thoughts, and pondering why I haven’t seem to nail my ‘moment in the sun’ yet. I know that comparison is the thief of all joy, and that time makes fools of all of us in the end, but damn, if you don’t let it get to you. Time is finite and fleeting, and there is no point in dwelling in the past or anxiously anticipating the future that is yet to happen, so it is best to enjoy the present and soak it all in.
Speaking of the past, everyone has a story that would break your heart from the depths of the long-forgotten trenches of their former days. We all have had things happen to us, that have cultivated us, impacted us, damaged us, and shaped us into the person we are today. Trauma is prevalent for everyone unfortunately, and the more time that passes, the more it’s easier to swallow and navigate what lays ahead, but nothing every truly heals us completely. Things will scar over and stitch back together, but there will always be a painful mark and permanent reminder of what occurred, regardless of how much time passes. I can take you back to moments where I was shattered, violated, assaulted, broken hearted, and robbed of my innocence, but why? If I choose to live in the past moments of my life where I was torn down and broken, I will never be able to relish in my present blessings, nor will I ever be able to allow my future self to succeed and thrive. We each have entirely too many reasons to allow the travesties bestowed upon us to keep us down and be victimized our whole lives, but we have ample opportunity to resurrect ourselves and push past whatever threatens to keep us there.
Some people struggle to let things from their past go, and will forever live with the burden of constantly bringing it up to allow it to remain heavy on their minds and on their hearts. I’m sure there are people in your life continuously speaking ill of others, whether they are long gone or still breathing, and all from any transgressions in years past. While there are people I know or have met that you could not pay me enough to say something positive in their regard, I also will not seek out every possible opportunity to continuously slander them. Their name is poison on my tongue and I’d rather not make myself sick. You can speak of their bad character until you are blue in the face, but without discernible proof, people will formulate their own opinions regardless and you come off as a shit-talker. Albus Dumbledore once said that “indifference and neglect often do much more hurt than downright dislike.” Not only that, but the more years that pass, the more that our negative thoughts of this person can be clouded and we may be misremembering reality due to our emotions playing a factor. I won’t allow crappy people to continue to maintain any sort of hold over me, and as far as I am concerned, they are just a fart in the wind, meaning they can float far away from me as they stink anyway.
And time continues to pass on by. You can look far ahead, years into your future, of however long you think it will take to accomplish a certain goal, and then poof! All of a sudden that time is here. The first day you tie your white bell, you can’t imagine ever being a black belt because it takes so long, but time passes regardless and one day, you will be. At my high school graduation, the valedictorian spoke about how we were all off to pursue our separate paths, and one day have houses and jobs and families, and most in that room would lose contact with each other, never to remain as close as friends as they once were. Here we were all thinking that it would never happen to us, yet I am currently typing this from the kitchen table in my house as my husband pours himself a cup of coffee. And I only speak with one person on a somewhat frequent basis from my high school days. Oh, if Sami Miami could see me now, fighting my way to come out on top and not allowing they voracious words and opinions of others to ever impact my goals. Back then, my body felt young and invincible but my mind was weak. Now, my body may snap, crackle, and pop like a bag of Rice Krispies, but my mentality and willpower is the strongest it has ever been. So many benefits that accrue with the passage of time that can only be understood once experienced for oneself.
It is currently bright and early at the beginning of the day, but by the time this blog finds you, the sun may be setting as another 24 hours comes to a close. Or maybe you don’t come across this piece for months, or maybe even years. Time passes, but the words I have uploaded for all of the internet remain, even when one day I am no longer here. You may be gone, but that tweet you wrote about having the bubble guts in 2013 is still permanently etched in the memories of the interwebs. Facebook memories is there daily to onslaught you with the things posted from years and possibly decades ago, whether you want to remember them or not. They will stir up feelings of sadness, happiness, embarrassment, joy, regret and anything and everything in between, but the one thing true for all of them is that it took place in the past., Enjoy all of the moments of your today, for you are only one sleep away from a tomorrow, and who knows when that permanent sleep will seek you out. Not every second needs to be hella productive, because time that you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. The future is uncertain, but the end is always near. Live in the moment, because you blink, and the moment becomes last year quicker than you realize. Do not stand by watching the clock, but follow its lead and keep on ticking.
I don’t know what to say. You said everything perfectly. We all have those scars of the past. Some days it’s more difficult to move past them but I keep going. Beautiful writing. I wish you much success in everything.
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