The world is so full of negativity, and terrible things happening everywhere in places far and wide, that we should all welcome when there exists a person in our life who goes above and beyond for others, a ray of light in ever-dimming universe. This is something I, myself have tried to work on over the years, as I have a tendency to view things a little bit pessimistically and am often too quick to write people off. It’s definitely a defense mechanism, which stems from being hurt badly in my past, and knowing that if I had not allowed second chances to take place, then my heart would have remain unblemished from the pain of betrayal. I became reclusive from others, almost looking for a chance to cut someone off at the first sign of disloyalty or harmful transgressions. I know I have mentioned before about my struggles to form close bonds with people, primarily because I have become so accustomed with keeping people an arm’s length away. I used to tell myself that it was better to walk through life alone and untethered, because then if anything should happen, I wouldn’t be so distraught when I lost relationships. While yes, I may have been better suited for survival because my lack of close bonds, it led to becoming a bitter, hardened, and calloused soul, walking this earth withdrawn and alone.
Love and belonging are the central key components in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Basically saying, that the majority (if not all) the top Psychologists in the world would be in agreement that social interaction and solid relationships, (whether it be familial, platonic, or romantic), are vital to a life fulfilled. Solitary confinement is a punishment because humans crave others to talk to, socialize with, confide in, and build relationships with. Even the most introverted amongst us needs others to form relationships with, no matter how small that circle may be. So while the fear of others being disloyal, betraying you, or severing your relationship might want to keep you from starting them in the first place, it is not a fruitful and conducive way in which to live your life. There is a reason the saying goes “it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never have loved at all.” I was denying myself the chance of achieving such happiness by immediately cutting people off and becoming hesitant to become close with others. This is something I have learned to admire so greatly from my husband.
See, when it comes to John, he is the epitome of someone who is so kind, and so willing to give people second chances, and sometimes even third, fourth, and fifth. Even at the expense of something in his life. He can watch someone burn their own clothes out of spite and still give them the shirt off his back without expecting a thing in return; he just wants to see others succeed. His want to always help people is a trait he passed on to his children, and it is beautiful. When we first began dating, I watched him get up at 3 in the morning when he got a scary phone call about someone in the throes of addiction, and he drove in the middle of the night to take them to a rehab clinic, with never a thank you after that person got clean. I’ve seen him sacrifice hours of his own time to help people at the gym, only to discover that loyalty is a thing of the past. I’ve witnessed firsthand his generosity when it comes to helping someone out with finances, and never does he expect a dime in return. He just genuinely enjoys helping others out and wants people to have the best opportunities possible.
Unfortunately, his heartfelt generosity also finds him being disrespected and disregarded more times than I care to recall. I just don’t understand it. You have a person in your life who gives you the benefit of the doubt, chance after chance to try and do better, someone who will give you the last dollar to his name in the hopes that it helps you out. Only for these people to be blatantly disrespectful and disregard all that he is done. I’m not sure if they are viewing his kindness as weakness and just looking for a chance to walk all over him and laugh behind his back when his sacrifices have been in vain. This is the man who will forego all of his tasks to pack up last minute and drive for hours so that someone who has one match can have a coach there on the sidelines. Someone who will work with his students to make sure everyone has the opportunity to train Jiu Jitsu should anything threaten to prevent them from being able to attend classes. A man who has come up the ranks, white belt to now approaching second degree black belt, under the same lineage and the same man whom he will always do everything in his power to make sure that same man can get his honorable dues in this life. So why are people so cruel?
Maybe all of this effects me so much more because I am the one witnessing all of this occur. I am the one who watches him help so many people, giving them countless chances, only to watch him get metaphorically spit in the face. Especially because I, myself, would have shunned these people at the first sight of their transgressions. But not John. He understands much better than I that people make mistakes, and he really believes that he can help everyone. The problem is, some people don’t want help and are content on living life the same way they always have and then wonder why things in their life turned out the way that they did. If you continue to squander all the chances someone gives you, you will never be as happy and as fulfilled as you can possibly be. Sure, you might achieve success in some areas, but somehow somewhere, you will fall woefully short. Whether that be in your work life, your goals, your personal life, your family, your relationships etc. There will be something that lingers in the back of your mind as an all-consuming regret. As much as it hurts me deeply to see the person I love most in the world get backstabbed and used from time to time, I will still always choose my nice, kind-hearted man so willing to give people chances than the scorned and miserable user of a person any day of the week. His kindness just makes him that much stronger of a human being anyway.
It was a runaway train, every passenger’s nightmare. Brakes failed and a sharp turn just a mile ahead. And a woman screamed out–that set off the panic. People opening windows, shoving and crying, except one couple. Sitting across from each other, the gentleman in a black suit winked at the woman in red heels. He slowly smiled and stood, reaching his hand out to her, and whispered in her ear, “Vamos a BaLeR [bailar].” The passengers sat back down as the train hurled towards the steep turn. People were laughing now and clapping in time as the talented couple whirled up and down the aisle. The old train came off the wheels around that corner, but settled back on the tracks, to the cheers of all that continued on its way. Baby, my beautiful Mahogany, the train is already going too fast to stop. Let’s just dance.