Let Those Tears Flow

Cry it out sis (or bro, or whomever; we don’t discriminate around these parts). Let those tears flow. You worked harder than you ever though possible, sacrificed time, and put in the effort. And you know what? Sometimes the stars don’t align and it just isn’t your day. And yeah. That shit fucking hurts. I have for sure cried after a loss, in competition and in life, and I learned lots of things along the way. First and foremost, crying can definitely be therapeutic and a type of cathartic release beneficial to our mental health. What’s not healthy, however, is to let these thoughts linger and ferment for longer than necessary. A good 20 minute cry followed by a 10 minute decompression is fine. But all that thinking about your mistakes and bathing in your misery and festering in your sadness will do is just make you feel worse. You can’t go back in time and change anything, so pondering on all the possible ‘what-if’ scenarios will drive you insane. Let those tears flow, but only as long as necessary to reign in the emotions and keep pushing forward.

One performance doesn’t necessarily mean it’s your penultimate or even final excursion on the scene. It may feel like it is the time to hang it up and re-evaluate your goals in life. But perhaps it is just time to go back to the drawing board and push past those hard points in the journey that try to make you quit. Remember, we are better than that. We are more than the few minutes someone sees of us on the mats or in the cage. It may feel like we are defined by one single and sole competition, but that is simply not the case. Never in my life have I thought any less of any person ever for coming up short in a fight or a match. But I have definitely thought less of someone who quit or gave up, and I am not sorry for thinking that way.

People who don’t work so incredibly hard to reach success have no idea how to relate and empathize with someone who does. In fact, there are some people who will simply live life with apathy and just haphazardly attempt things along the way because they don’t want to deal with the absolute heartache that can coincide with giving one task everything you’ve got, and still failing. Everyone will fail at one thing or another. The greater of feats you attempt, means the greater the heartbreak associated with coming up short. But failure at a goal does not make you a failure in life. In fact, sometimes you can do everything right, and still fail. That’s not being a loser, that’s just life.

When we come up short on our goals and dreams, it can be a very fine line between what builds us and what breaks us. It’s hard not to dwell on the pain running across your mind in the quiet hours just before bed or the stillness and calm associated with those long, hot showers as we try to wash away the pain and embarrassment we feel at our shortcomings. I have been there, more times than I care to admit, where I needed a shoulder to cry on or a shower to drown my sorrows in. And then I did the hardest thing I ever had to do and own up to my losses, dust myself off, and get back in the gym the very next day. Personally, I believe I just don’t have it in me to give up and never try again. In the words of MC Lyte, “I ain’t going out like a sucka, no way.”

You are not a loser, not for one damn second, and should anyone on my team think otherwise, I won’t hesitate to punch them in the fucking face (consensually) to snap them out of it. I view all my teammates as champions. Again, sometimes it just isn’t our day. Sometimes we bust our asses and still fail. Sometimes others prepare completely incorrectly and luck into wins regardless. Thats life. It’s not some picture perfect fairytale where everything always works out and the protagonist always comes out on top. My story isn’t finished yet, and any of these setbacks are just steps in adversity to fuel my growth. At the end of the day, I am lucky to have my health, my family, my friends, and my happiness and I am grateful of every opportunity that comes my way. Nothing else to do but get back in the gym and keep on trucking.