Just the Dumb Girlfriend

Traveling to no gi pans this past weekend was full of a wide variety of emotions. Namely, feelings of inequality, unworthiness, shunted aside, and like the sidekick. Traveling to Texas through numerous airports, my fiancé and I wearing similar outfits all bedecked and emblazoned with our gym and Jiu Jitsu logos and identical gym bags. Yet the amount of people approaching him saying “oh, you must fight?” Or “Good luck at your competition.” And just outright assuming his overall intimidation prowess based on stature while my presence was wholeheartedly ignored. I’m very aware that at 5’0, 118 lbs, I don’t necessarily scream ‘scary’ in comparison to his burly 5’11 and monumental beard, but many people approaching him even said it was the bag or the gi that made them think he trained, and yet, I have almost the exact same outfit. Sure, he’s a world champion black belt and I’m just a brown belt, but I’m also the only professional MMA fighter between us 2 with multiple title belts in fights, and dammit, I earned that recognition. 

When asked why I didn’t correct anyone or speak up, I figured it’s not my style to jump into a conversation to proclaim “what about me?” like some spoiled whiny brat. If they wanna kiss ass to the large man instead, so be it. But this badass atomweight with some BDE would fucking choke the shit out of them and perhaps snap a limb or two as well. I don’t need a stranger’s validation to make me feel complete. But I’m not gonna lie. I was beginning to feel saltier than whale sperm after the 3rd time it happened. It’s not like I was traipsing around the airport in high heels and hair extensions (even if I was, who cares). We had on nearly identical outfits and the actual exact same gym bag. But I was 100% ignored and viewed as someone simply someone along for the ride and moral support. Why? Because I’m a woman?

Suffice to say, I love and support my fiancé more than anyone. If he is involved in something I am not participating in, you better believe I am there on the sidelines loudly cheering him on and vice versa. I love watching him succeed at chasing his dreams. But y’all, I have cauliflower ear too, actually even more pronounced than his, but I rarely get it pointed out and questions on his are much more frequent. I’m lucky that he will often point that out to those who ask or always be sure to mention my fighting accolades as well. But it definitely bothers me that he needs to do that in the first place because I’m viewed as moral support and not an athlete. Even Robin was still called a superhero, albeit not as held in as high of a regard as Batman, but he was still at least acknowledged as a member of the Justice League.

No matter where we travel to, it always happens. Specifically, fuck the waiter at the Dallas Love airport who works at Cool River Cafe. On our way to Texas, he lauded John with praise after praise on his stature, demeanor, and Jiu Jitsu in general and barely acknowledged my existence. On our return, we ran into him again by pure happenstance at the airport at 6 in the morning. He immediately flocked to John to ask how he did. John told him how he subbed his first opponent and came up short in his second on points. The waiter seemed disappointed but then John excitedly began to tell him that I placed second in my division and third in the open weight and how well I did. The waiter walked away mid sentence and barely uttered out an “okayyyyyy” as he turned his back on me. I get it dude. I don’t matter to you. But talk about an unconscious bias to treat women as lesser because of their gender. 

Y’all, I’m not just the dumb girlfriend. I’m a badass professional MMA fighter and brown belt Jiu Jiteira in my own right and I have earned every accolade under my belt with the blood, sweat, and tears that I put in. I don’t have to be 6 feet tall with penis for you to respect what I accomplish or at least acknowledge me as a person, athlete, and competitor. And if they don’t recognize the name Samantha Seff just yet, they will have the name Samantha Schell ready to be uttered from their lips because the Wolf Queen is taking names and snapping necks. Kiss my no gi pans silver medal ass, because I fought hard for that achievement. I fell just short of gold but it will be there soon. And I’ll have them all wishing I was just the dumb girlfriend (soon to be wife) instead of a booty beating lioness.