Let’s talk burn out: aka when long term exhaustion meets diminished interest. Like the cindered butts of a cigarette long since ashed, the warm embers rapidly losing heat are synonymous with the way I can end up feeling day in and day out. And that’s in relation to my workload with all of my tasks, not just training. Cleaning, cooking, taking care of the house, and the incessant flow of teaching and training. But with all things, these feelings are temporary and fleeting and I am so incredibly grateful of the life I get to live and the goals I get to pursue. And speaking of goals, I notice that having some set ones in mind can help keep those burnt out feelings at bay. With things I want and need to accomplish on the forefront of my mind, it keeps me from feeling like these are arduous tasks rather than moments meant to challenge me in order to excel. I have been told by a coach of mine to embrace the ass kickings, and as much as it can break me, I know they are really meant to make me and will only strengthen me in the long run.
I hear of people all the time getting burnt out from Jiu Jitsu, and I believe that during these periods of time, it is important to take a step back and reflect upon what made us fall in love with the sport in the first place. Unfortunately, with back to back competitions I do not always have that luxury, but I absolutely thrive on the idea of competition and look forward to every chance I get to prove myself. The fights are always my favorite days, but the fight camps are absolutely brutal, as they should be. Even more than the physically draining training, is the mental aspect. It’s difficult to describe, but it can really wear on you getting your ass handed to you every day. And I know as a 105 lb purple belt female I shouldn’t be comparing myself to the 180 lb black belt men, but dammit I just want to be better and I simply hate the fact that I’m not. I wonder if it’s normal to constantly feel like you suck or if there is just something broken in my brain. It’s like I’ve been doing Jiu Jitsu for going on 6 years now, and I wonder when I will actually get good at this sport ha. But I keep showing up hoping one day I surprise myself.
I also think I maybe expect too much out of myself. I feel like with as often as I am in the gym and as much time as I spend training that I should be better. I’m ranked #5 in the country, not #1, and that stings more than I would like to admit. I’m only human however and I make mistakes, sometimes daily, but I guess it is all just a learning process. I guess I thought things would get easier the more time I put in, but oh how woefully ignorant I was. It only seems to get more and more difficult as time goes on as I tend to be more critical on the smaller details and gaps in my game, but I am living for the challenge. I remember when I first got into a relationship of someone with kids and I thought I would excel at this whole “parenting” thing and it would be easy. I can cry with laughter now at how dead wrong I was. I still think parenting is way harder than fighting but that’s a story for an entirely different blog.
Turns out you can feel burnt out from anything. Sometimes I even feel as if I’m “over” writing. But then inspiration strikes and my heart spills out over the keyboard and I can’t help but rant verbiage straight from my fingertips onto the screen. I feel like that one girl from the movie ‘Mean Girls’ who joins the catty confessional because she “has a lot of feelings” even though she doesn’t even go to the school. A professor was recently talking to my coaches about how much he enjoys coaching women because they are tougher to break than men.. They may break down into tears on the mats but they will continue to push forward and not quit. He says to not even acknowledge the tears and to just keep striving because they won’t walk off and give up on you or themselves. And he is right. I have seen grown men quit mid work out because they were “done” and couldn’t handle the onslaught. But I speak for myself (and several occasions I have personally witnessed) where I will cry the whole time I am trying to do something but I will keep trying and won’t relent. I used to be ashamed of these tears, but if bad ass Brienne of Tarth on Game of Thrones can cry while being knighted in front of those strong warrior men and not feel an ounce of shame, than neither should I. (Oops spoiler alert I guess.) I’m proud that I keep persevering and pushing through no matter my emotional state and I won’t apologize for a natural human trait all because I just want to be better than I am currently.
Learning to embrace these feelings of being burnt out or plateauing or questioning my life’s choices are all perfectly natural. Turns out, a lot of people are facing these mental battles daily and I will always be brave enough to talk about them through the platform I have been lucky enough to be given. I know that the majority of those negative thoughts are just my mind playing tricks on me. Because I am getting better despite the little voice in my head that likes to mock and ridicule me whenever I have an off day. One bad day in the office does not negate a whole career of accolades and the willingness to soar over these hurdles is what will make or break a champion. And I am talking about being a champion on the mats, or in the cage, or in your home, or in your job, or in your parenting. We are all champions of our own Destiny and we strive to achieve those feats throughout our lives. (My autocorrect capitalized the word ‘destiny’ and I’m keeping it.) Should that burnt out feeling ever creep into my soul again (which it inevitably will, as is the constant in life), then I will embrace the suck and learn to fuel the pyre of cindered remains and extinguished flame until like the phoenix, I am reborn from the ashes.
