The highs won’t ever feel as high if it weren’t for all the lows we face in life. A couple months ago, I busted my face open and lost a title fight and felt absolutely horrible. I was unfocused and deviated from any game plan set in motion and deserved to lose and suffered greatly for my ineptitude. This past Saturday I won by an armlock submission in the first round. It’s amazing the things that occur when I actually listen to my coaches. That win wouldn’t have felt half as good if I hadn’t poured so much blood, sweat, and tears into it. Literally. The whole week leading up to this fight I am pretty sure I was reduced to tears every single day. Not because I hate the sport or pushed myself too hard, but because I want to be better. When I struggle with something on the mats I take it so hard. True, I was preparing with 2 180 lb black belts and let my frustrations and emotions inhibit my thought process. But I can’t help it. I want to excel and succeed and am very hard on myself when I’m not perfect. And the thing is, they say that nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes, but the truth is, I don’t want to be like everyone else and that infuriates me to no end.
I had 2 days to celebrate this victory and then we are back on the grind. I have another fight set for 4 weeks from this past Saturday and it’s easily my hardest bout lined up yet as I face the #1 ranked US atom weight (I am currently ranked at #5.) My goal this fight camp is more mental clarity. I need to quit letting outside factors distract me and instead focus on the task at hand. As my Professor says, I should embrace the difficult training and welcome all the ass kickings as they will better prepare me for the cage. Golly gee, I’m trying. I refuse to let my sensitive mindset play a factor this time around. And even though last time I cried and whined and groaned, I still did everything that was asked of me and never quit. I just hope to be stronger this time around and stop letting my mind play tricks on me.
I think the best part about earning a victory is sharing it with the people that matter most. It’s pretty awesome that my boyfriend is also one of my coaches and gets to revel in the moment with me immediately after it occurs. I appreciate every ounce of support he displays because I know it must be an incredibly difficult job that I don’t envy at all. Because sometimes, he has to watch me suffer and be in pain and that is something I won’t ever take for granted. A soon as I stepped out of the cage, my boyfriend’s kids had ran all the way up to me (still don’t know how they by-passed security to do so) and it was such a special moment for me to be able to hug them and cheer. My parents were also in attendance and I know they are ecstatic anytime I come away from a fight without receiving any damage. My sponsors, teammates, and coaches all helped in more ways than I can describe and none of this would have been at all possible without them.
Two weeks before the fight, I was enduring one of those low points I previously discussed. I unknowingly competed while under the weather with a stomach virus and performed poorly, and then spent the next 3 days puking my brains out. I had some pretty gnarly bruises on my thigh from a busted capillary, and my ankle swelled to twice it’s normal size thanks to an elbow I had inadvertently kicked. I was feeling bruised, battered, and broken, but by some stubborn insistence ingrained deep within my soul, I persevered. I grew tired of accepting the cards I was dealt and instead sought to change them. Knowing that this would be an arduous journey not meant for the faint of heart, I shook it off and just kept showing up day in and day out in order to prepare. And to those who had to put up with my piss poor attitude while cutting weight and training my ass off, I’m sorry. But I do want to thank you for not murdering me even though I probably more than deserved it.
I promise to always have a warrior’s heart even when I hit a rough patch of a folly’s mindset. In the words of Elphaba from ‘Wicked’, “I’m through accepting limits, cause someone says they’re so. Some things I can not change, but till I try I’ll never know.” And yes, I love Broadway musicals, don’t judge. But I will always always continue to try and strive forward. I will not accept the things that are said but will exhaust every ounce of effort I have in order to surpass all expectations. In life and in the cage we must always be going forward, and if we are every forced to back up, we better be throwing something straight down the pipe to counter any blow heading our way. I promise to relish every low coming my way so that I can truly enjoy and celebrate in all the highs to come. So I continue to get ready and prepare myself. Making the tears rain down like a monsoon and watching the bass go boom.
