I’m Doing the Best That I Can

All I can do in life is try, and I promise I am out here doing the best that I can. Oh do I stumble more frequently than an elf drudged up on too much eggnog, but still I continue to try. And I enjoy recognizing the efforts of those who are out here trying their best as well. We can really take it hard when our best effort falls short, but learning to live with those blunders will only allow us to achieve better growth and development in the future. Or so they say. What do I know? I weep openly and am quick to feel anger and stress, so perhaps taking life advice from me isn’t your best bet, but hey, I’m just trying my best.

When it comes to Jiu Jitsu, I used to be bad about accepting positions. I’d feel someone starting to sweep or pass and instead of turning it into a scramble like little people should do, I would accept fighting off my back. Why? Because I have a good guard? But then what happens when a large person smothers me and holds me down (and spoiler alert, at 114 lbs, they’re all large). Recently, I’ve learned to never just accept a position, but to exert the energy now to end up in an advantageous situation rather than exhaust myself trying to fight my way back to neutral. And I mean this with life as well. If life tries to put me on my back, why would I complacently allow it to settle me there rather than fight tooth and nail to emerge on top? Acceptance and apathy over something I can alter the outcome of is no longer acceptable to me. To the things I can not change, I am working on not allowing myself to be consumed in the stress, but to those things I can effect the course of, I won’t ever stop trying my best.

I’m writing this blog post from the waiting area of a hospital cafeteria. My life partner is undergoing surgery on both his knees right now and I’m trying to eat my turkey sandwich without worrying too much about the procedure and what lies ahead. When he reawakens from anesthesia, I know he will be groggy and irritable, but I need to remember that I am just trying my best and the medication is not a true reflection of his feelings towards me. I know he will bounce back from this stronger than ever, because if I ever met a man who never stopped trying his best, it would be John Schell. Every hardship he has endured has only facilitated his growth, and trust me, he has had several shitty hands dealt his way, but he is the true definition of not accepting a negative position in life or on the mats just because the cards are stacked against him. When it comes to not smothering him with my caretaking abilities, dammit I will try my best, but I promise it’s only because I care and want to ensure a happy and healthy recovery (despite my Stephen King ‘Misery’ references.)

Some days when I’m feeling defeated after a grueling practice, or I hit a speed bump in the process of ‘parenting’, I will stare hard at myself in the mirror and repeat the mantra “I am trying my best.” As long as I know that statement to be true, I can calm myself and collect my thoughts and I know I will be okay. Sometimes we trap ourselves in a negative mindset or situation because we spent so long making that mistake, that we will feel like a failure if we give it all up now. Personally, I think it takes strength to realize you deserve more than the situation you are dealt and it is never too late to change the course of what’s occurring. Just because you spent years committed to something does not mean you have to stick with it if it is causing you pain or anguish. We all deserve the chance to try our best. What’s stopping you?

I know there are people out there rooting for me to fail, and that’s okay. Because I won’t ever stop trying my best. There is an unfortunate group of people in society that would rather watch someone else fail so they can feel superior instead of trying their best and earning their accolades through their own effort and hard work. I spent too much time in the past being upset by the negativity I would witness and be faced with, but since I have adopted the mindset of simply trying my best, I am much happier spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Even when I feel like I have nothing left, I dig deeper than the greatest depths of the ocean and continue to try. Like the little engine that could, I will be the little engine that does and I will huff and puff my way up any hill no matter what it takes.

I hope that on the days where it seems like everything in life is trying to get you down, that you look inside yourself and give it your all so you can say with absolute certainty that you are trying your best. Your best will always be good enough no matter the results, because with that effort, you are a warrior of a person. I also hope you take a second out of your day on occasion to recognize someone else’s efforts, because 1 simple smile or compliment can turn a person’s whole demeanor around. And what a great thing to be able to do for someone, because effort and talent can often be overshadowed and overlooked by sensationalist stories in the media and clouded by the facets of the business in our everyday lives. If I can leave the tiniest of bright spots on someone’s day, I will try my best to do it. I’ve started writing a weekly quote on our dry erase board at the gym and I really resonate with this week’s: “Nobody is born a warrior. You choose to be one when you refuse to stay seated. You choose to be one when you refuse to back down. You choose to be one when you stand up after getting knocked down. You choose to be one because if not you, who?”