Women. The bearers of the children, the maternal figure, the estrogen fueled gentle warrior. A vast multitude of adjectives can be used to describe her role, but what I never want the word ‘woman’ to be synonymous with is ‘victim’ or ‘weak’. This past weekend, I hosted a 2 hour free women’s self defense seminar and was absolutely blown away with the turnout. Almost 40 women with zero martial arts experience showed up to learn some basic and possibly life-saving self defense techniques. And this got me wondering, how many females go through life feeling vulnerable, and why is that so? And on the reverse of that, how many men also feel this way, but due to the societal constructs in place, feel as if they can’t express these emotions because of the way they will be perceived? Say it with me, while having an emotional response to every situation renders someone weak, expressing yourself emotionally does not (she says as she claps on every syllable for Miami emphasis.)
I lift weights and get called manly. A guy cries in a stressful situation and gets called a girl. Real great insults scoured up by a true intellectual I’m sure. I can pretty much guarantee that Dr. Seuss could come up with a more venomous quip, but I digress. My boyfriend’s daughter started wrestling as a freshman this year. Most of the people she competes against in her weight class are adolescent boys. What a tough age for them. High schoolers can be cruel and either view them as weak for “losing to a girl” or ignore their wins because it’s just a girl and what they should do anyways. Meanwhile, this completely negates all the hard work she has put in on the mats in order to reign victorious. This is why whenever someone new comes into my BJJ gym, I make sure to roll with them their first day. Not to humiliate them, but having been in the sport for 5 1/2 years, I want them to know I earned my position as instructor and that Jiu Jitsu works, regardless of gender or size, and that skill will prevail.
The workshop on Saturday was far more successful than I could have ever imagined. One of my greatest aspirations in life was to make a difference in the world and leave a profound impact on people in a positive manner. I never expected to be leading a workshop where the ladies hung on every word, asked such inquisitive questions, and were so eager and willing to execute the techniques. I already can’t wait to be able to host another session, and even dive deeper into different realistic scenarios. I prefaced the seminar with the hopes that no one would ever need to use anything I demonstrated, but that it is always better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war. Nothing I stated was meant to illicit unwarranted anxiety, I do not want to be a fear monger, but I hope that it raises situational awareness. Physically, men are stronger. I spar men and women daily and truth is, they hit way harder. I do not want anyone to experience that strength or fear if they don’t have to and I hope I am able to prevent some danger.
To the men who helped strengthen me, thank you. The culture at my dojo is fantastic and never have I felt disrespected as a woman in a male dominated atmosphere. Those are my brothers. They make me better. They helped spread the word so that their daughters, wives, sisters, mothers, and nieces would attend the workshop and I can’t express enough how much I truly appreciate them. I may be 112 lbs of fury, but I assure you I will not go down without a fight. This generation is full of strong and bold women and of caring and thoughtful men. We may only hear the sensationalized stories in the media, but there is positivity all around you, and you don’t even have to look all that far to see it. I am so honored to know the people I do and refuse to succumb to the negative mindset thrown haphazardly in our faces on a daily basis.
To the parents watching their children compete, I hope you don’t lambast your sons for “losing to a girl” or obnoxiously boast about your daughter submitting a boy. Let’s celebrate effort and achievement instead of pointing out obvious details. I am proud of my boyfriend’s daughter not for beating out boys, but for holding her own in a mentally and physically tough sport and being relentless in the pursuit of her goals. I am proud of his son for his compassion and willingness to express empathy. We are not defined by imaginary constraints thrust upon us by society. Women, we are strong. We are the mothers, visionaries, leaders, rebels, heroes, and warriors of the past, present, and future. Never set a limit on what you can achieve. While it may be true that not anything is possible, how do you know unless you try? And I don’t mean a half-assed effort. I mean a fully-assed (think Beyonce booty) level of trying. Fall down 9 times, stand up 10, and keep slaying the game.
I hope to put on more workshops in the future. I hope to empower each other, men and women alike, and learn and grow together. More importantly, I hope that every generation keeps becoming better as time progresses onward. I am proud to be a woman, not because of the possibility of breaking down barriers, but because I am executing my life in a way to try and be the best Sam I can be. I will volunteer countless hours of my time to help others feel the same way, and I hope to find more ways in 2019 to contribute to charitable causes. Women. We are strong. We are brave. We are fierce. We are determined. We are profound. And we will roar. (1st image:mphoto by Alfred Graham, art by Sandra Forehand)
