You know what? It takes courage to get out there and live life, I mean to truly live it. To venture into the dating world, to compete, to pursue a career path, to travel abroad etc; all of these things take some serious guts. I spent a week on Tinder, and trust me, it can be pretty horrifying to put yourself out there and dip your toes into the pool of flirtatious behavior. I’m also constantly inundated with comments from first time BJJ competitors who ask me how I compete so often because the idea of competition can paralyze them with apprehension and anxiety over the prospect. I tell everyone that even with as often as I compete, I’m still nervous every time, but now it’s more of an excited nervous versus a vomit inducing fear type of nervous. The more you do it, the more content you get being on the mats or in the cage and it starts to feel like you’re at home in that little world. A very seasoned competitive black belt once told me that any time you don’t shit yourself on the mats is a win, regardless of results, and surprisingly, that little tidbit has helped placate my nerves more than any meditative breathing I have been instructed to employ. He actually still says this to me at every competition we run into each other and it kind of makes my day to be honest.
We aren’t all born with courage; sometimes it takes years of perseverance and tenacity and a refusal to quit attitude to reach that level. Some of us will take a flying leap of faith off the edge of that building while others may need more of a push (think of the kids at pool parties that dove right in while several others inched their way in one toe at a time). But we are all more than capable of overcoming these obstacles. It’s all our stupid little brain filling our mind with ‘what-if’s’ and scary scenarios that nobody besides ourselves really cares about anyways. So you lose, so what? Everyone loses sometimes and even in the most ridiculous of ways. The crazy thing is, so many people forget about the losses when the wins begin to accrue. It’s only us who truly remember all the details; no stranger on the street gives a rat’s ass who you are and what you do and whether you conquer or flounder. Why do we let our mind derail us from pursuing adventure and living life? (You should definitely still be cautious while on Tinder though. Never know if that serial killer just suggests a coffee date as an alibi). You will not ever know what you are capable of unless you really try, and I do not want to be laid up on my death bed running through a multitude of situations and questioning myself on not taking action and throwing caution to the wind. Most people will end up harboring more regret over the things they didn’t do versus those that did and I refuse to end up another statistic.
Evolve into a fearless individual. After all, bravery isn’t the absence of all fear, but the courage to continue in spite of it. It makes me sad when I know of people who love the sport of Jiu Jitsu but won’t compete out of fear, especially at these local tournaments where we are all such great friends. I will seriously braid your hair for you before you fight me and then hug you afterwards regardless of the outcome. I know firsthand that it is possible to overcome those thoughts. And please don’t say you can’t do it because you’re not like me; we are all seriously more than capable of overcoming. I’m scared all the freaking time but I put on my brave face and big girl panties and go out there and get after it because I’m a mother effing warrior! I also think it’s important to lead by example and have the kids in my life see that it’s okay to fail, but it’s not okay to give up. Try, fail, succeed, and try again. The victors wouldn’t taste anywhere near as sweet without all the hardships that came before them. Life is going to happen whether you choose to partake in it or not, and I’d rather leave a lasting imprint than to be a little blip on the radar. No one remembers the name of the guy who quit and gave up and movies don’t get made about secondary characters. I will always strive to be the heroine of my own tale and this is why I won’t back down.
Some of my best fights have been right after a slaughter in the cage. Fall off the horse, shake off the dust, and get right back on the saddle because I am striving to be fearless. Even when I am quaking on the inside, I will aim to be resolute on the forefront because that is what people will remember. The only way to become comfortable in the uncomfortable, is by continuously putting ourselves in situations that test our limits. Whether this means having larger and more skilled adversaries put you in bad situations and submissions on the mats so when it comes time to competition you don’t immediately tap out of panic/fear just because you’re unaccustomed to that predicament (says the girl who got her tooth chipped in competition this weekend by battling through a bad spot), or by stepping up in a work meeting and having your voice heard despite the fear of putting your neck on the line. Nobody ever grew within their comfort zone. All my wins, losses, battles, failures, victories, defeats, mental and physical wars, fights, and trying situations have made me a much better person today. All because I simply and absolutely refuse to let fear consume me. My worries won’t dictate my life, my ambitions will.
“Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue which counts.” -Winston Churchill. Once we become fearless, our lives become limitless. Think about all the things you stopped yourself from doing because of fear. Fuck that noise. How dare you let your own doubts and insecurities keep you from living the fullest life possible!? You literally have one life on this Earth, just one. Why waste it because you’re too scared to take the plunge? So what if I lose, if I stumble, if I fall. I am testing myself and pushing boundaries and hopefully inspiring others along the way. I won’t ever know what I am truly capable of if I let the fear of failure keep me from playing the game. Humans are a much more resilient species than we give ourselves credit for. Although I shouldn’t be, I am constantly surprised by the depths and turmoil I see people climb out of until they prevail. We can all do it, just don’t shit yourself along the way if you can help it. Become fearless, keep fighting, test your limits, and don’t let your own negative thoughts tell you that you can’t. You are the top of the motherfucking food chain. Act like it.
LOVE THIS! I have horrible, paralyzing anxiety when it comes to BJJ competition. I cry in class A LOT preparing to compete. Take downs terrify me. I hold my breath to the point of hyperventilating when I’m rolling because I am so scared. And all this kept me from even trying to compete as a white belt. But I kept working at it and 3 months after I got my blue belt, I finally put myself out there and competed. And I keep doing it, not because I like it, but because I don’t want my fear and anxiety to dominate me. It gets a little bit easier and a little less scary each time I do it so I will keep at it until it no longer overwhelms me and I dominate it.
I love this response! I literally bawled in the gym the night I wrote this. It was rough. But though I cried, I never quit and I am so proud of that
Wow! This gave me goosebumps. I love your spirit. This resonates with me so much. I try to be like this, constantly pushing, almost obsessively so, but in my own journey of course. I wish that there was more love in the women’s bjj community, more the competition scene. It can be so agressive and competitive bc it’s still small. Reading this makes me feel like there is growth and love in it and it makes me so happy, like sunshine. Please keep writing! <3
Thank you! I feel so fortunate that some of my closest friends are the women I have competed with, win or lose. It all gives me so much hope
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