If it Were Easy, it Would be Called Your Mom

Everything in life is hard, literally everything. I know they say if it wasn’t hard, it wouldn’t be worth doing, but that doesn’t make the crap you have to go through any less difficult. Even the things you think come easy to some people really doesn’t. Sure, it may look like gifted athlete Cameron is a mega star at football, and plays the sport with ease. But Cameron sacrifices so much of his free time devoted to playing, struggles to balance his school work, and then comes home to a chaotic and torn apart family. Football itself may come easy, but all that it entails does not. The problem is these negative thoughts pertaining to our lives can make us feel so isolated, and that we are all alone dealing with our struggles, and no one could possibly understand. According to our internal monologue, other people just don’t understand how hard our life is and why we can’t do certain things. They will use this thoughts to justify their absence of effort and as a crutch to make excuses for their mediocrity and lack of achievements. I do not think I will ever meet one person who makes it through life painless and unscathed, so we can’t use this as an excuse forever.

I’ve definitely talked about ‘choosing your hard’ in my blogs before, and the reason it is so easily relatable is because all of it is hard. Except I recently read a post about how being able to choose your hard is a privilege., Which, fair on some accounts, as we all don’t always get a choice in the difficulties that await us. But what the author fails to mention, is that the original quote does not come from a place of privilege or judgement. It just means that life is always full of choices, and while not everything is a choice, there are inevitably some things that are. We will all be faced with options about the ways we live in some regard or another, and I think ‘choosing’ to focus on one detailed facet of that ideology versus the entire picture, pigeon holes someone into ‘choosing’ to be offended by their interpretation, rather than the originator’s intent. I can read some words on a paper or on a screen, and consciously make the decision on whether or not I choose to be offended by what it says.

There are so many people who get upset with the things other people post and say on their social media, regardless of how vague it may be. They will automatically assume it applies to them, and create this internal outrage over someone else’s opinion. Either the pen is mightier than the sword, or sticks and stones can break your bones, but words will never hurt you. So, which one is it? The older I get, the better I have been at being able to let things roll off of my back. I refuse to allow other people to impact my life with their views and opinions. If I become a slave to other people’s thoughts, I will never be truly happy because there is always going to be someone who takes issue with me or some facet about my life or the way in which I choose to live it. I would rather eschew other people’s views in lieu of my mental health, happiness, and sanity. Who cares what their opinions are as long as the people I care about hold me in high regard in the same way I hold them.

It’s unfortunate that nowadays, everything gets used as a reason for why we are unable to do something. It’s a trauma olympics of sorts where everyone needs to one-up each other to prove who has it worse off. And if you don’t empathize in a way that allows for abysmal behavior to continue, they’ll try to cancel you in the blink of an eye. The truth is in this day and age, everyone has a story that will break your heart. As humans, we all have obstacles, triumphs, experiences, and even things in our past and present that can break us down. Take jiu jitsu for example. You are fooling yourself if you think that everyone on the mats is carefree, void of illness, physical pain, or mental anguish and anxiety. It may surprise you how many people (men included), who were victims of sexual assault in adulthood or childhood. Or how many people are dealing with a debilitating illness. How many suffer from PTSD. Or how many are struggling with issues and stressors in their home life or work life. Or even how many are battling anxiety or other mental struggles. And finally, the exorbitant number of people who are held together by duct tape and super glue, and must fight through autoimmune flare ups, or high pain days with arthritis and nagging injuries. Jiu Jitsu certainly has the potential to be for everyone, but alas, it is not. You will always find an excuse if you don’t wan’t something bad enough.

Life is full of ready-made excuses for all of the difficult things that arise. I hold great admiration for those who choose to conquer their demons and those who don’t let those excuses prevent them from getting the most out of life. Personally, I don’t feel like I was meant to be on this earth just to take up space and oxygen. I want to enjoy this life, help other people do the same, and have my existence really mean something. Yes, it is hard a lot of the time, moreso than I would like to admit. Hell, just ask these stress ulcers and autoimmune flare ups I have been dealing with as life’s obstacles try to impede my path. I battle mental anguish and repercussions from my past everyday; you are not alone. I am grateful for the loving support of those I surround myself by, including the chosen family at my gym, Schell Shock BJJ. Everyone there has always welcomed me as I am, helped me in more ways than I could imagine, and made such an impact on my life and my heart. They are the reason that I have made it through hard times, and have shown up even when I had every excuse not to. I wish I could say it was always easy, but hell, even as a black belt shit is still hard. Life is hard, that’s just the way it is. But more than that, we are all capable to overcome.