We all do it, every single one of us. It’s almost like this type of human nature is ingrained in our brains where we have to see how we “measure up” in comparison with our peers. We tell ourselves that it doesn’t matter and that all of us have different journey’s and all take different paths in life full of our own difficulties and setbacks. We make excuses for ourselves and why we let the struggles keep us down or we invent scenarios in our head for why people we see have it easier. If it is this easy for us to criticize ourselves and have negative-self talk, why is it not equally as easy for us to give ourselves some grace? There is enough competition in life without us having to constantly compete with every other person we know in our lives either personally or from appearance only. Even if you don’t think so, I guarantee there is someone out there right now envious of something you have or something that you possess and they are comparing their own lives to yours. It’s tearing us all apart.
Social Media obviously has some great benefits, but the absolute biggest damage it inflicts upon us every day is viewing everyone’s life highlight’s at a finger’s touch. This instant gratification society means images, thoughts, and words can get uploaded immediately, without any thought of the repercussions of a trigger finger’s quick clicking. Not everyone takes the time to really think about the toll of their digital footprint, and the effects it may have on other people. I shudder to think that anything I have ever posted has caused grief or anguish to a person reading what I wrote or viewing one of my pictures. I never want to be the cause of damage to someone’s psyche. The majority of people aren’t posting about their struggles or the reason they cry themselves to sleep on a particular night. What we may be comparing ourselves to can be a total and outright blatant lie; a fabrication of what is really taking place beneath the surface.
I definitely see this happen a lot in Jiu Jitsu; people comparing their progress to that of someone else, and wondering why other people are getting promoted at certain rates. I’ll admit, early on in my journey, it did used to bother me when other people were ranking up faster than I was, especially because I was spending pretty much the entirety of my day, almost every single day, on the mats. The only thing this ever accomplished, was my mental health depleting. I was so upset, and for what? Comparing my individual journey to that of someone else only brought me sadness, and had no effect on whatever was taking place regardless. I am not spending my short time on this earth wondering why I don’t have things that other people do, or why other people look a way that I don’t. I would much rather spend my time working on myself and benefitting my own life, instead of longing for the attributes of someone else.
Social media doesn’t portray absolute truths either. Thanks to AI and photoshop, and even sucked in breaths and posed angles, we are often not getting accurate physical portrayals of one another. I absolutely adjust the lighting in my pics where there is a harsh glare or an exposed blemish. I can guarantee you that way more influencers than you even realize are editing their images to portray themselves in a better light, or lying about their BBL’s and claiming it’s from the gym as they try to hock their workout plan, or even trying to market their skincare routine when they absolutely were administered botox and other cosmetic procedures. Also, don’t compare your postpartum body and abilities to that of someone who made a career out of looking a certain way throughout their pregnancy and making a profit off of those who buy into it. Or even the celebrities and rich elite who have the best personal trainers, personal chefs, nannies, and plastic surgeons. The last thing your body needs during the period where your hormones are wreaking havoc on your mentality is to compare your postpartum journey to that of someone else. It is not healthy. Be wary of anything that someone makes a financial profit from as being 100% authentic.
Though I repeat throughout this blog about not comparing yourself, I know I will still do it. Sure, I’ll be better about it, and understand that what I see on social media may be embellished or not completely true, but I know deep down some things will still bother me. It’s really true that comparison is the thief of all joy, because the more I focus on someone else’s accomplishments or appearance, the more my own inner light begins to dull and fade. Sometimes I wonder how much happier the people of the world would be if social media didn’t exist and we didn’t have everyone’s looks achievements constantly thrown in our face. I guess the most I can do is keep writing this blog, and try to make sure my digital footprint incites more positivity then it does envy. No matter how many good things I continue to post, I hope people know that behind closed doors, I certainly struggle with a lot. Some days I am distraught over my appearance, some days I cry about my failures, and some days I am devastated over what I believe to be my shortcomings. In all of these scenarios, I am definitely comparing myself to others. Such a pointless and ultimately upsetting habit. Time to eliminate that habit, and start cultivating unadulterated joy once again.
