As I approach another birthday (in 5 days actually), I am so pleased with the fact that for the first time in 3 years, I am actually looking forward to it instead of dreading it. I am so blessed and so very fortunate to be celebrating another year on this earth, and with the love of my life by my side and now my sweet puppy too. I definitely had an existential crisis as I approached 30; the fear that my better days were behind me, that my fight days were numbered, and that my face was beginning to show signs of weathered aging. It’s not an exaggeration to say that I felt distraught. And yet 30 turned out to be one of the best years of my life. I went to Jamaica (my first time out of the country), where I received an elaborate proposal to the love of my life. I fought, and won, for Invicta FC after putting myself through one of the hardest challenges of my life where I had to cut about 19 lbs in 15 days. I learned how strong and capable I was and grew so much from the experience. At 31, although I was hesitant about coming to terms with becoming a whole year older, it was the year I married the absolute love of my life. Nothing tops that feeling and the best day of my life. And at 32 I earned my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu black belt, took 3rd at Pans a week later, and also finally went on our long-awaited Honeymoon.
Each of those years that I dreaded becoming another year older, ended up having wonderful things in store for me. I try not to be very superstitious, but I can’t help but to think that as a triplet, the year that I turn 33 must have something magical ready to take place in my immediate future. I still have some big dreams, and I am not going to let a silly little thing like age or the deterioration of my joints hold me back. See, as much as I was beginning to not recognize the once beautiful and vivacious girl in the mirror, I realized that the reflection of a strong, courageous women stared back at me in her place. And after losing some people very close to me the past few years, some still very young and in the throes of adolescence, I am realizing what a true gift it is to blow out the candles on yet another birthday. A year older yet again, but certainly feeling much wiser this time around.
Father time comes for all of us in the end. It saddens me to see so much value society place on youth and beauty. Social media and Hollywood place such an emphasis on the most attractive, youngest, and most vivacious of individuals. There have been countless studies correlating beauty with more opportunities, or what has come to be known as “pretty privilege.” And it is true that many things come easier when you are aesthetically pleasing for the eyes to behold. But it is more than just beauty that gets immediately noticed; it is your entire appearance. Whether you are unkempt and homely, old and haggard, or even a dominating a strong appearance that intimidates others. Every one always thought my husband had been the professional MMA fighter between the 2 of us, and it’s easy to think why. With his burly, muscly, and masculine appearance, and my tiny, curvy, and much more gentle one. Let’s face it, we all make quick, split-second and unconscious judgments based on what and who we see in front of us.
The longer you live, the more suffering you will witness sure, but you will also be privy to plenty of miracles and wonderful moments filled with terrific people. When you see good people go through hardships, or have a life tragically cut short, it can take its toll on you. It also can really open your eyes to the things and people that really matter in life. I have learned over the course of the past few years to stop sweating the small stuff and allowing trivial bullshit to infiltrate my mind and sour my mood. I am exceptionally grateful for my health, especially after a day like yesterday where I was wracked with pain, vomiting, and nausea due to an absolutely horrific migraine. I am especially thankful that as much as it sucks, it is just a migraine, and though it causes a hindrance to my life, it does not end my life. While I do hope that I find a better solution to quell this pain one day, I am so much more appreciative of the days like today where I feel wonderful. The sky seems bluer, the sun is shining brightly, and even though I was a day younger yesterday while I was super sick, today is a million time better.
If only there is a way we can see the mind, the soul, the spirit, and personality inside of a person rather than just outward appearances. Maybe we would show on another a little bit more grace. Perhaps we would realize that our elderly are good for more than just being a puppet or face of the government. And we could all realize that it is a gift to reach our 30s, and it is still exceptionally young in the grand scheme of things, and far from being old or even middle-aged. This is my first birthday in awhile that I’m not sad about, or wishing people would forget about. I plan on celebrating, and perhaps crying tears of joy rather than sadness about aging. The best gift I could ever receive is another year of this life with the love of my life. Truly a gift to be able to live, to be able to grow old together, and to be able to cherish this life in which was bestowed on me. Cheers to 33, and all of the wisdom that comes with it.
Cheers!!!!
I hope you lose your match.