Attention, Attention, Read All About It!

My most frequently visited social media platforms are currently oversaturated with Gypsy-Rose Blanchard content, the young woman who had been controlled by her mother for years with fake illnesses and then conspired with her boyfriend to have her murdered. After serving 8 years in prison, she has now been released. It’s easy to see why people are so fascinated with the recently paroled “perpetrator.” A young girl who had been abused for her entire childhood as a victim of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, (now known as factitious disorder imposed on another), is very easy to sympathize with. Now that she is a free woman, it’s understandable that thanks to interviews and portrayals in popular culture, her notoriety has exploded. For me personally, I am far more intrigued as why a person (i.e. her mother Dee Dee Blanchard), would be so starved for attention and mentally ill to cause their own child pain and anguish just for selfish gain and the approval of others. This really got me thinking about people that so desperately lack assurance in various facets of their life, that they would purposely cause suffering in order to obtain that long sought-after validation that they crave. Is it really true that some people don’t want to be fixed because being broken gets them attention?

While the aforementioned Blanchard case is certainly unique, I would be remiss to say if I hadn’t known people who have required attention so badly, they have purposely not wanted to better themselves in order to receive it. To them, even negative attention is better than no attention. I’m talking about people who will embellish certain injuries or medical ailments because they seem to thrive off of the concern others have for them. This can even begin to escalate into hypochondria territory, because if they “get better” and have nothing wrong with them, people will stop caring. I am not going to sugarcoat things; these people are exhausting to be around. If it’s not one thing it’s the other, and there is always a fresh, new complaint waiting just around the corner. How many different perceived illnesses can someone have that are not even remotely related? (I am sure it does happen, but we all know when something seems suspicious). Or how long will someone milk an “injury” without taking the steps to help heal. No orthopedist? No rehab? No medicine? But then they fear they will also have no attention.

Attention is a very dangerous thing to become addicted to. While you may not require Narcan to help bring you back from overdosing on attention, it certainly has its fair share of repercussions as well. Not saying it will end up as tragically as the above case, but I have always been a staunch believer that the truth always comes out in the end. And then what? You end up alienating almost everyone because people are sick of the lies, the fabrications, the constant bellyaching, the straight up bullshit associated with it. There was once a famous story of a woman (Tania Head aka Alicia Alicia Esteve Head) who lied about surviving the world trade center attacks on 9/11, even becoming the president of the World Trade Center Survivor’s network. When the truth came out that it was all a fabricated tale of lie after lie, nd she wasn’t even in the country at the time, she became a mockery of a person and ostracized from most. What might compel someone to do this? While both Alicia and Dee Dee looked somewhat similar in appearance, neither had poor upbringings and in fact, Alicia was quite privileged. Yet both women had some sort of deep-rooted insecurity issues and mental illness that had them so starved for attention, they would go to desperate lengths to achieve some semblance of importance.

Sometimes the attention required isn’t so obvious. I am sure many of us know people who seem to self-sabotage their happiness, such as with their dating history or their careers, and for what reason? Does the excitement garner more attention? Is never reaching your full potential or dying alone worth it just to get more of it? Then it becomes a joke that your romantic life is such a disaster and how you seem to attract toxic and emotionally unavailable people. The thrill and the excitement that others give you to listen to you divulge your romantic woes seems to be an addictive habit that someone may not want to relinquish. I promise it gets old after awhile. Sure, the passion with these flings can be wonderful and fiery, but they will always end up causing pain and leaving one unfulfilled. There are so many more things that need to be met besides an explosive sex life, such as comfort, friendship, reliability, loyalty, emotional needs, and partnership. None of the above should be sacrificed in lieu of one thing or another, and you may meet someone who meets all of those needs. Should you continue these same habits, your friends will eventually tire of hearing about them.

It’s nice to have people in your life that care, but it should never be because you force it on others. Posting a picture of you online with an IV on your arm that says “please pray for me” without any other detail is often attention-seeking behavior. Making post after post of different invented things going on in your life gets old fairly quickly. The truth at the end of the day is that all of us, everyone in your life from your friends, family, acquaintances, and coworkers are all dealing with heavy things. Confide to those in your close circle, but do not invite the world in to validate your suffering. Honestly, there are probably people in your life who are all too happy to hear of any hardships you are currently enduring. The real ones will always step up to be there, and you will never have to lie or embellish to get them to care. Cheers to the people that radiate joy, who are honest and thoughtful and inviting to the love of others. Just like Pavlov taught us, if people are so addicted to attention, and receive it from negative acts, the cycle of behavior will continue, but it will never lead to a fulfilling and satiated life and often drive others away. Confidence is quiet, insecurity is loud.