Unbothered

I’ve never been super crazy about New Year’s resolutions, because I feel like it puts too much pressure and strictness to adhere to a certain timeline. Instead, I have always been in favor of choosing a simple word or phrase and specifying certain goals for the year, some exceptionally doable and others a bit more lofty of an aspiration. This way I know I will reach certain accomplishments while keeping myself motivated to strive for more. In years pasts I had used ‘determination,’ and ‘hard work’, and ‘champion.’ And I had made certain notes listing the things I was looking to achieve, such as ‘get married’, ‘win a title belt,’ etc. I found that this helped me stay exceptionally motivated and kept a fire yearning for wanting more burning in my heart. It is my personal opinion that if we set tremendously large goals, it can end up being discouraging when we aren’t seeing the progress as quickly as we would like, and then end up quitting on ourselves because of it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to eat better and work out to lose weight, or try and put on muscle, but even with extremely hard work, this still takes time and it can be upsetting to not see the results immediately. I enjoy chipping away at a goal rather than try to accomplish it in one fell swoop, and I feel like this helps create good habits not just for the year, but for life as a whole.

This year, while I am choosing to keep my personal goals private, I am enjoying sharing my word, which is ‘Unbothered.’ Basically, other people’s opinions of me are none of my business and I am learning to accept when I have no impact on being able to change something. I have also been putting into perspective the things that truly matter in life, and I never realized before how trivial much of my life is. While work, hobbies, and current obstacles and dreams seem exceptionally important at the time, it is also not the end-all-be-all should I fail or these things not come to fruition. After a handful of devastating things and even tragic deaths that occurred in my life in the past year or so, I have realized the things that truly matter, and it’s mainly in regard to the people and relationships in my life. To my family, friends that have become family, and the love of my life, I know what matters most to me, and that I can endure the hardships present in my life with the love and encouragement of these people. And unfortunately, I. have really come to discover just how fast, fleeting, and unfair life can be, so who gives an eff about stumbling a little bit or the cruel words emanating from the lips of insecure and pathetic people?

I used to tell myself that I couldn’t care less about the bullshit going on around me and that I could easily rise above. Truth is, I spent countless hours crying about mean people and about hurt feelings. Even though I definitely understand that universal popularity is a far-fetched dream and that some people will choose not to like you just because, it still bothered me more than I would care to admit. I kept finding myself having a lot of bad days all based off emotion, and was really struggling with my mental health because of it. I spent a lot of days putting on a brave face for the public and on social media, while internally I had little things eating me up on the inside. And for what reason except to continue causing me mental anguish? Worrying about all of these things would not change them, and groveling and desperately trying to prove myself was not conducive either. None of this benefitted me in any way and all it did was add to my stress and grief. Choosing to be unbothered by these outside thoughts and actions has been so wonderfully freeing and liberating. A huge weight has been lifted from my chest and I can finally breathe again; much happier to inhale I might add.

So what if little hiccups happen throughout my day that throws a wrench in my actions or momentarily deters my happiness. It is a choice I make to be upset by these things and I exercise my freedom to no longer make that choice. I will be unbothered by these things and allow them to roll off of my back. Too much good stuff exists in my life to let the little things continue to get under my skin. Health, my loved ones, my safety and my security are all things I place in a much higher value than other people’s opinions. I also understand that missed goals or unattained wants aren’t necessarily the most important things in life, because as much as it feels earth-shattering right now and that my world is crumbling, there are so many more important things I place at such a higher value. All of these accomplishments mean nothing without someone to share them with. There are people no longer with us that I miss terribly, and even more painful, there are people in my life still living that I grieve for daily and hope and pray that they are one day part of my life again. God, I miss them so much.

I like this version of myself where I am okay with how others perceive me. I know the type of energy and version of myself I am putting out there for the world, which is simply and authentically me. Everyone will have their own perception of you, which will differ from person to person. The only thing I have control over is myself; my thoughts and my opinions and my actions. I am the only one who knows my true intentions and the persona I am putting out there in the world, and I refuse to let people who don’t truly know me effect my happiness any longer by their untrue perceptions. If you believe in a higher power, that is the only entity that knows your authentic self beside you. And if you are fortunate enough to be in a role where others look up to you (i.e. your children, younger siblings, or students), then shame on you for behaving in a way you would not want emulated. There is so much negativity in the world anyway, and I will not contribute to it by having a poor attitude or choosing to remain upset over the words of unaccomplished and mediocre people. Let their judgment be futile and burn a hole through their own acid tongue. Doesn’t bother me one bit.