Boundaries when it comes to your life and relationships are either mildly compromisable or else hard-line non-negotiable. What I mean by this, is that people grow and develop into the person they want to become, they either grow with the people around them, or else figure out that they need to deviate from one another and go in separate directions. Some people are content with leaving life in its current condition, and are almost petrified of change. While others are aware that without change, the suppression they feel could suffocate them and lead to a life of misery where it forever feels like you can’t catch your breath. None of this is a sequestered feeling unique to any individual person, but something all eventually go through in life. The choices we all make at these forks in the road, i.e. which path to take or else to stay firmly in place (after all, making no choice IS a choice), determines all of our futures. The inability to decide can limit you, making the wrong choice can harm you, and choosing out of cowardice can hurt others. This is why each option deserves careful consideration.
I think there are several vital points in our life where these major decisions come into play. The first pivotal one that comes to mind is the culmination of our high school careers and graduation. The choice for college/university, trade school, staying at home, moving far away, furthering your education, entering the work force and so on and so forth. Some decisions are made out of fear; fear from the unknown, of leaving the familiarity and comfort behind, the fear of failure, etc. Some decisions are made because it is what is expected of you, some with countless hours of thought and insight, while some decisions are made on a whim. People in long relationships (a couple of years can seem like a lifetime in your formative teenage years), may make a decision based solely on the opinions and feelings of another person. At the end of the day, we all have to understand that it is our life, and we need to make the best possible choice for us. Some can grow with us, while others may harbor resentment and choose to sever ties if someone makes a decision that they don’t want or agree with. But hey, that’s life.
There are parents out there, who rather than wanting the best for their child and his or her future, might imply that their child would be abandoning them if they pursue a path that takes them far from home. You would think that any parent would want nothing but success and happiness and growth for their child, but unfortunately, not all who bare children are best equipped to raise them. Cheers to the children who did it any way, and moved far away to pursue their goals, despite the guilt trips thrown their way, and became successful adults. Or to the person who was able to pursue their own destiny, even if a significant other tried to control those futures and sway their choices to what best suited them. At the end of the day, any sort of codependent relationship is unhealthy, and frankly, quite toxic. Whether that is with a parent or a partner, everyone should be able to thrive and flourish on their own and hopefully be lucky enough to get to share that wonder with others. It may be an intimidating step to take when you must confront the person trying to change your mind, and make a different choice. But at the end of the day, you will always know what is best for you and remain true to yourself and your own heart’s needs.
The transition from early to late 20’s is also a significant life change in my opinion. I felt as if I truly became the person I was always meant to be in the latter half of my 20s. I began to establish my career path, really cemented my character and personality traits, understood a lot more about life, matured my reasoning, and felt ready to embark on a truly meaningful relationship. Had I not found this relationship, that would have been alright too, because I truly began to fall in love with the woman I was becoming. The reason this relationship worked so well, is because I was never meant to sacrifice my happiness or personal beliefs in lieu of someone else’s. Sure, we respected one another and took the other’s feelings into account, but because we were always honest and upfront about who we were from the beginning, we never had any false expectations about someone changing their minds about something that was important to them. Many times people get into relationships hoping to change the other person, but true love will never ask that of you. It’s why they say that people come into your life for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime, and there is always the chance to learn from all of these experiences. When it’s right, you’ll just know it, and will be loved because of who you are, and not in spite of it.
Honestly, shame on anyone who tries to force someone into going against their deepest wishes and wants out of life, and expects them to sacrifice everything for them specifically. That’s when it is time to wash your hands of the situation, and realize as much as this may hurt now, you are a thousand times better in the long run. Especially when we are young, it seems formidable and difficult to think long-term, and try and see the far-away future. But as you get older and gain life experiences, it becomes mildly easier to see how your choices and actions of today, cultivate your tomorrow, no matter how many years ahead that version of tomorrow may lie. Today, I choose those who I want around me, and even if it’s necessary to make the difficult choice now to distance myself from people who would eventually hold me back and suppress my happiness, I face that choice head on. Even those that I am on the fence about aren’t going to make the cut, because if I even have to consider it, it’s probably for a reason that would only cause me pain in the future. I’d rather rip the bandaid off, then remove the sutures painstakingly slow, one fraction of a millimeter at a time. I love the people I am currently surrounded by, and especially because I never swayed from the path of being myself in the process.
It was a runaway train, every passenger’s nightmare. Brakes failed and a sharp turn just a mile ahead. And a woman screamed out–that set off the panic. People opening windows, shoving and crying, except one couple. Sitting across from each other, the gentleman in a black suit winked at the woman in red heels. He slowly smiled and stood, reaching his hand out to her, and whispered in her ear, “Vamos a BaLeR [bailar].” The passengers sat back down as the train hurled towards the steep turn. People were laughing now and clapping in time as the talented couple whirled up and down the aisle. The old train came off the wheels around that corner, but settled back on the tracks, to the cheers of all that continued on its way. Baby, my beautiful Mahogany, the train is already going too fast to stop. Let’s just dance.