Everyone who has ever read my blogs can be 100% sure of at least 2 things. The first being that although I fight in a cage and grapple on the mats, I’m still a human being with a wide array of feelings, many correlating to those of anxiety, and I get sad and nervous just like everyone else (or maybe even moreso, I don’t really know). And the second thing, that I am resolutely and unequivocally without a doubt head over heels in love with my husband. It seems that I have almost 3 years of blogging just talking about various expansions of those 2 subjects, with tons of details branching out from those main components. The good thing about this, is that there are so many multitude of thoughts I have correlating to each of those things, that I have almost an endless array of thoughts I can formulate into countless different written pieces. I guess the biggest dilemma is whether or not I can keep readers interested enough in returning weekly for my innermost ramblings. I guess because of this, I can foray into a little bit of poetry that intertwines the two together.
So rather than another week of my ‘things that make me cry’ drivel, I’ll segue into one of my first loves; poetry. Still talking about my anxiety and the admiration of my partner, but hey, at least it’s in a different medium.
My heart is racing, palpitating as I sweat
The stress that corresponds, the palms that are wet.
My chest tightens, as it gets harder to breathe,
My emotions bubble to the surface and seethe.
Before every competition, or big event,
I struggle with anxiety, doing things that weren’t meant.
Even though I’ve been hear a thousand times before,
My body is still shaking, feet glued to the floor.
I force myself to take another step forward,
Regulating my oxygen, to get my heart rate lowered.
I don’t know why the panic makes me want to cry,
When I’m tougher than that, it feels like a lie.
No one else knows the pain I’ve been through,
But maybe more understand, then I really knew.
Our struggles like to isolate us so we feel alone,
But how many of us relate, from the young to the grown.
Even the strongest can suffer in silence,
Even the smallest can combat it with violence.
One thing for certain is my love keeps me grounded,
I panic, I cry, I stress what’s unfounded.
He soothes me, he loves me, and keeps me in check,
Reminds me my mind lies to make me a wreck.
He helps me calm down, with one small embrace,
To know he supports me, no matter the place.
A partner who shows up and supports me through it all,
A partner who catches me, should I stumble and fall.
Who screams the loudest when my hand is raised,
Who pep talks me when I need it on my hardest of days.
Whether knocked out round 1, or on the podium’s top,
His love is continuous, and won’t ever stop.
Whether I’m stressing, or feeling real low,
He is always there to stem the flow.
The anxiety creeps in, the panicking starts,
But he reminds me I’m capable in martial arts.
I’m thankful his love is in my body’s encryption,
Forever my safe place, my favorite prescription.
I follow your routine on social media, you motivate me to keep doing my best on the mats
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