There is almost no greater pet peeve I have in Jiu Jitsu, than an insecure man denigrating my accomplishments due to a preconceived notion about the way my body moves. Basically, what this refers to is when a larger guy has difficulties when rolling with me, his automatic ingrained response is to blurt out something along the lines of “you’re just so flexible!” Truth is, I am embarrassingly inflexible, you just suck at Jiu Jitsu. Well, not really, but I am more experienced at 9 1/2 years of pretty much daily training, constant competitions, and a professional MMA career, but I digress. It’s not that you can’t pass my guard because I am ‘flexible’, I just have a more advanced skill set where I can recompose and stop your forward progress. If I catch you in a submission, it is not due to ‘flexibility,’ (again, of which I have none and my teammates at the gym can 100% attest to this), but it is usually a combination of things, the first being the amount of time I have spent training on the mats. The second thing, usually, is that the person I am rolling with, is very inexperienced rolling with such a small upper belt, particularly female. I have plenty of experience grappling with men larger than myself, but how many men have experience rolling with a 120 lb 4 stripe brown belt? They usually end up underestimating certain movements, or are unfamiliar with the advantages and disadvantages it comes to rolling with someone like me.
I try to take into consideration where people are coming from when they say the things that they say. Not everything is spoken with malicious intent, and sometimes people speak before they think and just don’t know any better and are ignorant to the offensive language they use. This particular blog was inspired by a roll I recently had at an open mat against a male purple belt. He was a good purple belt don’t get me wrong, but it was pretty apparent that he was unfamiliar rolling with such a tiny and ‘less strong’ person with a higher rank. There was a point in our roll where he underestimated a certain position, and I was able to lock up a triangle. Though he was defending correctly, triangles are my #1 submission, and I relentlessly practiced them on much bigger partners for years and was able to secure the finish, causing a very reluctant tap. Immediately after the tap I got hit with a “Yeah. You’re just super flexible.” Which first of all, no I am not. And secondly, do not diminish my skillsets by delegating me to a genetic trait in order to acquiesce and soothe your own ego, it’s insulting. Sometimes I speak up, but at the end of this long training session that was not at my home gym, I slapped hands and continued the roll to the bell because deep down, he knows I know what really happened.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal issues and painful dilemmas these past few months, that it really puts into perspective the things in life that truly matter. As much as I love Jiu Jitsu and make it such a big part of my life, there are more important things in this world like health and family and life itself. Even when it does come to Jiu Jitsu, some random male purple belt 40-60 lbs heavier than me is not my competition. There are no awards or trophies handed out at the end of classes or open mats, which is actually one of my most predominant reasons to advocate for people to compete. This way you don’t take every roll in the gym so serious like it’s life or death. You learn to tap early and tap often in order to preserve yourself for the competitions that matter. It’s hard to let go of that ego that everyone has, regardless of what they say. Sometimes, you just get caught, whether it be by a lower belt, or a person of less strength, or someone you normally slaughter 99 times out of 100. But you know what? It’s okay. It may sting and dampen your heart, you may cry on your drive home, or contemplate drowning yourself in the shower, but it really isn’t as big of a deal as we make tout to be in our own heads. Tap and learn from your mistakes, and get ready to train another day.
I’ve definitely caught people in the gym and in competition that have far exceeded my size or skill, and should have definitely beaten me. But I either got incredibly lucky in that moment, or capitalized on a brief mistake, but it happens. I have also definitely been caught by lower ranks or an individual with much less training experience, usually because I underestimated something (which is totally my fault) or they were able to pull off an incredible technique. But that’s okay, because again, they are not my competition and at the end of they day, I was definitely able to learn something from it. Now, on the other end of that, if you are that person that can’t stand being beaten and always have to be the best in every room you go in, I truly pity your lack of ability to open your mind up to learning. I recently had to deal with someone leaving the gym because their ego could not stand other women ever getting the better of them, and rather than learning from each other and helping one another grow, they chose to eschew anything ‘team’ oriented in lieu of selfish purposes to have them be the sole focus. You can’t get better without your coaches and teammates’ help, and you certainly shouldn’t relish on always winning and beating others, but rather, using everyone else’s knowledge and abilities to help you get ready for what’s to come. Envy is a sin for a reason.
So if someone ‘beats’ you in a roll, don’t immediately jump to the excuses of why. Yes, they may be bigger, their muscles stronger, have a background in wrestling shorter legs that are better at recomposing, or flexibility that makes them difficult to hold down (again, I will beat the dead horse here by saying I am not flexible, juts get better). The person that has to justify every ‘loss’ in the gym or verbally coach everyone through the finish in order to alleviate their own feelings of inadequacy, will end up being the person people avoid during rolls. It is not my responsibility to help you come to terms with whatever happens when we grapple together, it is only my responsibility to ensure the safety of my training partners and myself when we roll together. Don’t be a sore loser with a fragile ego and don’t be the one bragging about your rolls afterwards either. We are all here to have fun and to make each other better. I am definitely guilty of harboring some jealousy over those who are monsters with strength, or of luxurious long limbs to snatch people with, or have the explosive moments my tiny joints can’t keep up with, but I do not take away from the skills and techniques they have worked so hard for by delegating their wins to their body type alone. They still worked hard, and if anything, it is even more commendable for people to use what they got to their advantage when they do Jiu Jitsu.
