I don’t know exactly what I’m doing with this life, but I am sure as shit trying to get the most out of it that I possibly can. These past couple of months have been a blur, and the remainder of 2022 is shaping up to be the exact same. From knee surgery, to countless competitions, to a wedding, it can all seem like a whirlwind experience with little time set aside to feel overwhelmed, nervous, anxious, excited, and stressed all in one. So far I seem to be doing pretty alright when it comes to finding enough time to make sure I complete the tasks I need done in a timely manner, but I have also had to make several sacrifices along the way. I can almost hear Aunt Mae in my ear telling me I do too much and that I’m not superman. Welp, with great power comes great responsibility (and a couple physical and mental setbacks).
I understand that it’s slightly insane, but if I don’t have a task or obligation to undertake 24/7, I feel lazy or even like an undeserving failure who won’t get anything out of life. It’s true, I’m quite bad at relaxing, and I will never put off anything for another day if I can get it done right then and there, even if I’m running my brain and body into the ground. These coping mechanisms are not healthy, and perhaps a sign of undiagnosed ADD, but I will say, I am able to accomplish a lot of things in a given day because of this and it satiates my obsessive-compulsive desires to check off everything in a ‘to-do’ list. My sleep is kind of erratic and I struggle to feel fully well-rested, but overall, it could be much worse.
It seems like anytime I have one weekend not booked up or with free time available, it nags and chews away at me until I decide to schedule something in its stead. Take for example this weekend, where it was my only free time in the next couple of months so of course I decide to schedule my bachelorette party during this time (after being at a Jiu Jitsu seminar during the day). There may be a lot of things I am too busy for, but I will always make time for penises. Plus the added bonus of my BJJ lady friends and some food. All of my favorite things wrapped into one. I’m sure next week’s blog will be chock full of great photos.
Honestly, there are a lot of great things going on in my life. It definitely helps to dull the pain of the not so stellar things that can bring me down, things many of us have dealt with and many more are struggling to comprehend. I do hope that anyone in mental anguish and/or physical pain will have it subside, and be able to experience the true happiness and joy life has to offer. I often feel undeserving of having found my one true love, because I am so irrevocably happy with him that I often have a fear something horrible will happen or else I have guilt that I am so unapologetically in love. It makes me feel like I deserve when bad things take place and it is something I am trying to work through. Perhaps a reason I keep so busy so that I don’t lament on all the ‘what-if’ scenarios that may crop up.
I guess this week’s blog is just a bunch of warbled words and skewed jargon and thoughts my attention deficit brain is trying so desperately to pour out on paper. I just have so much going on and while I am exceptionally happy with all the great things taking place, I would not be upset at all with the promise of a lazy vacation in my future. Hit me up with any honeymoon ideas. Until then, keep chasing the things in life that bring you happiness and let go of all the things that bring you down. We can’t always be in control of everything that occurs, but we can always control our emotions and actions and that has helped me tremendously. If you’re reading this, I wish you a wonderful and exhilarating week full of all good things.
