Kiss My OSS

Lately, I’ve been really big on female empowerment and women lifting up other women, so I was pretty disappointed the other day to see one of the most commonplace argument in women’s grappling groups take place; makeup on the mats. It’s no secret that women can be quite vicious toward one another, especially in a male dominated sport where many feel the pressure of constantly having something to prove to establish their place in the gym and earn the respect that seems to come more naturally to their male peers. These arguments tend to turn nasty quite quickly, with personal insults and hateful verbiage hurled back and forth across opposing sides. I wish I could say the language and words used were shocking, but sadly, it wasn’t surprising to see the way this dilemma has played out once again. Some people will take it as a personal grievance that someone dare have an opposing view, and begin to go for the jugular when insulting each other. The attacks begin to take on a personal level and the women get downright ugly with one another, even going so far as looking at their personal pages to come up with more fodder to spew back and forth at each other until the block button gets used more frivolously than the word ‘oss’ at a Jiu Jitsu seminar.

I’ll never understand where commonality and rational sense fly out the window and people allow their emotions to take over. Feelings are flawed, and when we can’t differentiate between our own personal feelings and biases and the outside perspective and viewpoints of another individual without anger playing a part, things tend to get misconstrued. Especially when a face to face conversations is not applicable. Look, I get that people have opinions they tend to feel strongly about, but I am also under the mindset that the second I see someone resort to foul language or personal attacks in an online debate, then you forfeit the rights to your argument. I no longer believe that their side retains any water and if you can’t calmly discuss your point without immediately shutting the opposition down by ignoring everything they begin to say, then you have no bearing anymore.. If you can’t articulate your viewpoint coherently or without ridiculing the opposing side, then what will sell me on the point that what you say is substantiated in any stake of the truth? And this goes with any argument, not just whether your foundation will leave a mark that can’t be removed.

Personally, I tend to agree that makeup should be kept off of the mats, primarily because it can lead to staining of the mats and gis or someone can have an adverse or allergic reaction to the products used. Now, that’s not to say I can’t absolutely sympathize with those who are self conscious about being seen bare-faced or would prefer a bit of mascara to the public eye, and my heart does break for anyone suffering from anxiety and the negative feelings this can lead to. Sure, I sign up for a sport where I understand others sweat and even blood and other bodily fluids can end up on my gi, clothes, or body, but that is usually unintentional and not something a person knowingly commits to doing. Trust me, I get it. I used to work an office job and kept face wash and makeup wipes in my gym bag in order to remove the products before class. Peope spend a lot of money on Jiu Jitsu apparel and I am sure wouldn’t be too pleased to have it unwittingly marked up. However, I personally wouldn’t be too fussed about it as I am pretty adept at removing clothing stains, but I also couldn’t fault a person for being highly upset if their clothes were besmirched with concealer or eyeliner. I know and understand that not everyone is an avid competitor seeking to become champion and some may be enrolled in class as a hobby or strictly for self defense and therefore aren’t as invested in attire and mat etiquette. But we also can’t denigrate those who are.

Honestly, as an adolescent and teenager, I was one of the most self conscious people around. I was consistently on edge about my appearance at all times and suffered from so much mental anguish and inhibitions because of it. The primary reason I leave my house consistently looking homeless these days is because my body is too sore and I am simply too tired to put forth an exceptional amount of effort in attire and appearance. I’ve reached a level of “I don’t give a fuck” that some can only dream of and I definitely have my rigorous training schedule and ample arthritis to thank for it. And the opinions of irrelevant people on how ugly I look on a daily basis hold about as much importance in my life as a third nipple on an armadillo. I’m definitely not trying to win any beauty contests and the only makeup I want on my face is the blood of my enemies as I paint the octagon canvas with their wounds. Plus on the rare occasions I decide to refrain from being unkempt and put myself together, the shocking reactions from people who normally see me looking slovenly is outstanding and something I will never tire of.

Basically, at the end of the day, I will never be the person telling other women what they should or shouldn’t do or how they should look or feel. I only ask that they respect the rules of their gym and follow whatever guidelines set in place by their instructors and professors. If no one at your dojo has a problem with makeup being worn, then that’s great and you shouldn’t have to defend your reasons for doing so. If, however, it is an issue, you should respect others reasons for why as long as it is valid. Confidence is a great thing, but it is not something everyone is born with and sometimes we need a little boost occasionally. Fortunately, Jiu Jitsu is a great sport for helping to build that up. You don’t have to justify your actions for making the choices decisions that you make, and anyone who tries to make you feel inferior can straight up kiss your booty. As long as they are wearing smudge-proof lipstick of course. At the end of the day, this sport is still not rampant with women, and there is always solidarity in numbers. Do not be the women who points out another Queen’s crown is crooked to the entire world. Help your sister out. Discuss your points of view with them and learn to listen to theirs as well. We are women. Now hear us roar.