How many of us have people in our lives who treat us less than stellar within our relationships? Platonic, romantic, and familial included. Why? Why do we allow ourselves to be tied to people who are dismissive of our wants and needs in a specific relationship or bond? Whether it is out of comfort or familiarity, a blind feeling of allegiance or loyalty, a guilty conscience of not wanting to hurt someone by cutting ties with them, or simply out of fear of being alone. It can be exceptionally difficult to take the plunge necessary to start severing these toxic relationships, but it is a vital necessity in order to preserve our own happiness and sanity. We are gifted just this one life on Earth, and shouldn’t we utilize everything we can in order to be happy? This may mean being a little but selfish and finally putting ourselves first, but if we never fully commit to doing this, we are doomed to live an unfulfilled life, devoid of any amount of true happiness. I believe that everyone deserves the chance to build strong relationships, to seek love amongst their friends or intimate partners and to choose their own family should their biological one sufficiently lack in unconditional love. Nothing can tear apart the heart more severely than unrequited love, and if love is unreciprocated in our relationships or we feel unappreciated or the existence of trust diminished, there is nothing that can pain the heart more.
How many of us either know people, or else ourselves are entwined and enmeshed in detrimental relationships? Marriages that are more like going through the motions with an apathetic roommate, or friendships that leave us hollowed and empty, or a sense of duty to our blood relatives despite the absolute emptiness they provide. And now we are entrenched in a vicious cycle of repetitive despair. Many couples convince themselves that it is in the best interest of their children to remain together, but is this the type of behavior we want our legacies to emulate? Would it not kill you as a parent to see your child in a loveless marriage, void of true happiness, and relentlessly taken advantage of all because you felt some sort of duty or allegiance to the sanctity of marriage to uphold? C’mon man, that’s some bullshit. Or to the people who know how hard a separation would be and don’t think they would be able to make it on their own, they can. It’s like a potted plant; as time passes by, that plant will eventually need to be uprooted from the complacency and safety of its little pot so that it can take root in the ground’s richer soil with more room to branch out. It’s not just because said gardener knows the plant will thrive in the bigger environment with the right amount of nurturing, but because if the plant is destined to remain in its tiny pot, it will without a doubt wilt and die. We are constantly growing as individuals, and if someone can’t grow with us or tries to hinder our progress, we will slowly suffocate and die as well.
Many times, we are often that friend that others can rely on in times of need. We are always a phone call away and willing to lend a listening ear in times of trouble or provide comfort and camaraderie to those in need. But how many times does this go unreciprocated? Do we honestly deserve to always be there for others, and the limited times we truly need the aid of someone else, there’s a deafening silence from our so-called friends. It can be incredibly stressful on the mind, body, and spirit to have our cries for help fall on deaf ears, especially if we are constantly the person clamoring to help others. There’s truly no need for us to keep people like this in our lives. What do they provide us besides unfulfillment and grief, never leaving us satiated in this platonic bond? These people will slowly drain us of our happiness ounce by ounce until we are withering and parched. There is a whole world with a plethora of people for us in which to choose our friendships, so why do we settle for those keen on using us for their own personal benefit and never appreciating the value our friendship provides. Life is entirely too short to surround ourselves with so-called amigos who not only suck the fun out of the atmosphere in any room, but are the existential Eeyore in this Winnie the Pooh conundrum. Unless you’re a Hoover or a pornstar, sucking does not need to be in anyone’s repertoire. These types of people will suck all the pleasantries and jovial feelings from your soul until it does little more than resemble a wrinkled old prune. You ain’t a raisin homie, you’re a juicy grape full of flavor.
How about the people surrounded by toxic family members, who are caught up in a web of lethargy and gloom all because of the guilt they would presumably feel turning their back on blood. Toxicity is toxicity, it doesn’t matter if it’s your mom, your sister, your brother etc. In order for you as a person to rise high and reach your full potential and embrace happiness and positivity, you need to cut the strings of these so-called “family” members trying to hold you back. They are selfishly preventing you from your destiny out of jealousy and spite and the fear you will leave them behind should you dare to do better than them and truly succeed in this life. I am here to tell you right now that this ain’t love. It’s narcissistic and manipulative and you will live the entire remainder of your life regretting the allowance of such derogatory people to hold you back. If you truly love someone, sometimes you need to let them go in order for them to flourish. Holding them back out of envy or the fear of being alone is selfish and indicative of truly sadistic behavior. A parent should always want their child to succeed where they failed and to accomplish more in their lifetime than they ever dreamed possible. A sibling should celebrate each other’s triumphs and achievements and not try to make them feel guilty for conquering an area in which they faltered and struggled. We should be rooting for each other in our respective relationships, and not secretly hoping for their downfall. They say that blood is thicker than water, but the full saying goes on to explain that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, meaning that blood shed in battle (hey, life’s a battle) bonds soldiers more strongly than simple genetics. Sometimes, we need to choose our family, because not all family is blood.
If you are trapped in a one-sided relationship, emotionally drained, physically downtrodden, and unhappy, get the courage to leave. Find a strong support system with bonds as tough as they come and build up those relationships instead. If he puts hands on you, leave him sis. If she degrades you at all, leave her bro. Stop accepting love with stipulations from any of your relationships and learn to find that unconditional love. You deserve to be happy, trust me. We may think this is the best we can get, but we are worth so much more than we could ever think. It is so important to truly get to know yourself first; find happiness within yourself and become comfortable with the person that you are and then one day you can find someone to share that happiness with rather than relying on them to provide it. There is no type of love more simple, pure, and unbreakable than that. Yes, sometimes it is imploringly difficult to muster up the bravery it takes to venture out on our own and leave the comfort and familiarity of the people and environments we have been surrounded by for years. But as I said, we have one chance at this life, shouldn’t we utilize it to try and make the most out of it? Why settle for mediocrity and just getting by, when we have the chance to fucking get after it and find those people and the life that brings us pure joy. I’m not talking about temporary and fleeting happiness. I am talking about permanent and utter contentment that comes with being happy in the situation we chose for ourselves. You absolutely deserve to seek out the fulfillment that comes with building relationships with the right people, and anyone who tells you differently or tries to make you feel guilty for doing so can become inundated with Coronavirus for all I care. Repeat after me: you deserve to be loved in all the relationships in your life no matter what.
