There is always going to be that one person who has your back, supports you, defends you, and won’t ever leave your side no matter what and that’s you. 2020 needs to be the year everyone learns to date themselves. It is the one relationship that will never waver, won’t abandon you, won’t make you question your self worth, and won’t make you feel lonely even when surrounded by people. I can’t even begin to tally up the amount of people I know who allowed themselves to be treated poorly in a relationship and stuck around for far too long due to extenuating circumstances. Whether it was because children were involved, financial struggles, feeling stuck, wanting so badly to make it work, or fear of being alone, we have all accepted the love we thought we deserved and sold ourselves woefully below our worth. Life is far too short to commit to someone who makes us feel anything less than a god damned Queen (or King) on the regular. This does not mean that every day will be sunshine and rainbows, relationships are hard work and takes 2 willing individuals making the effort to commit to one another and love each other fully. Sacrifices will be made, but if the cost is constantly sacrificing yourself, it’s time to cut ties honey.
I am guilty of having previously been in a relationship that was utter bullshit. I allowed another individual to dictate the terms and conditions that often left my heart less than satiated and a void within my soul constantly threatening to consume me whole. I wanted so badly to hold on to the good days that I had failed to see that the bad days far outnumbered them and I was often left feeling like a dusty covered turd. It amazes me now living in such a fulfilling relationship that I ever subjected myself to that bullshit in the first place. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and I refuse to give my all to someone again without any hope of reciprocated gratitude and warmth. I am by no means a relationship person, and this current one kind of just fell into my lap, but I literally can’t express enough how perfectly imperfect it is. We have good days and we have bad days, but they are always so incredibly filled with love, admiration, and respect for one another and I have smiled more times in these past few years than my entire lifetime. We met exactly when we were supposed to in life, and having previously dealt with relationship turmoil, we embraced this current situation knowing exactly who we were and wholeheartedly loving ourselves before allowing another individual to step in and share in this journey,
My heart breaks for my friends suffering from heartbreak and loneliness. Often times, I see many people I care about being treated like dirt behind the scenes while broadcasting a happy display of love on public platforms such as social media. Or I see friends jumping into serious and committed relationships without truly knowing the other person just because they don’t want to go through life alone, and then both parties end up unfulfilled and eventually quite miserable. Let’s be honest, dating absolutely blows harder than a Mia Khalifa video, and the ups and downs with the dating struggle can really being to wear a person down. Stop settling for the least decrepit fish in the sea and keep wading those treacherous waters until you come across the fish that sets your soul on fire. And if that fish ever makes you question your self worth, toss that scaly bastard back in the ocean (or descale and filet it, whatever). Sometimes I wonder how I caught me such a glorious fish when I had a half decayed worm as bait, but here we are, loving and pranking on each other constantly. Humor is such a great foundation in my relationship and I am so glad I found someone to laugh through life with. I want everyone to be able to experience that, because it truly is magical. I never question if I am wanted or appreciated and can’t even begin to express how sincerely important it is for our health to experience this type of unmitigated love.
The primary reason I can give for having found such a strong and loving relationship is because I had the time and experience to truly date myself. I learned what I could tolerate and what were absolute deal breakers for me. I discovered things I couldn’t live with out and things I needed to cut loose. I learned how to express myself and be willing to embrace open lines of communication rather than bottling up hostility as a fear of confrontation and being too wary to start an argument. I learned how to control my emotions and not let disagreements escalate into a full out war, but also how to advocate for myself and not let someone walk all over me because I am too afraid of bringing a situation to an end. Never seek vindication just because someone else failed, but learn that sometimes holding on to something can cause more harm than good and for the sake of your physical and mental health, date yourself instead. This does not mean that I don’t ever argue with my current partner, and in fact, I can sometimes be a total butthole to him in the heat of the moment, but I am human and I am flawed and can admit when I am wrong. There may be some turbulence along the way, but when you find the right person, it ends up being more than worth it in the long run.
Take yourself out on a date, compliment yourself, buy yourself that sexy lingerie, take yourself to a movie etc. It is so important to fall in love with the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, and that is you. Nothing is set in stone, and while I can say that I sincerely hope I am with my partner forever, the only guarantee I have for this lifetime is that I will always have myself. I have learned to full on love who I am, no ifs, ands, or buts (except for butts, those are of course allowed). I will wake up every day loving the person looking back at me in the mirror because I am more than worthy of love without any restrictions. Sure, there are always things I can work on with myself and plenty of room for improvement, but I will never consent to allowing another individual to ever make me feel inferior again. No settling for less than I deserve and no allowing a person to diminish my self worth. I’m about to have that level of confidence that Honey Boo Boo has and I am never breaking up with me. I am in this relationship for the long haul and declaring myself my own lawfully wedded Queen with this tattooed crown on my finger in lieu of a ring. Fuck being lonely, you’re never truly alone if you develop a relationship with yourself and the rest of your life will follow in harmony. Know who you are, know what you want, know what you deserve, and don’t ever settle for less. Anyone else can kick rocks to be honest because as Beyonce can remind us all, no one is irreplaceable.
