I have not been very kind to myself these days. I am pulling my mind and my body in a million different directions and then becoming angry with myself when I stumble a little along the way. But how can I be perfect and why do I even expect that out of myself? I don’t know man. A big cause of these feelings of inadequacy I’m sure are perpetuated by the abundant use of social media. Everyone constantly posting their high light reel of achievements, shadowed by filters and blurring the lines of fantasy and reality. Who even knows what’s real anymore these days. And as much as we all know deep down that anything can easily be faked or embellished on the internet, we succumb to the woes of not living up to expectations regardless. I know this is my own fault as no one is holding a gun to my head and forcing me to be online, but it’s a habit I am struggling to break.
How ironic that I’m on here practically bashing mainstream social media and its flagrant use and yet I use it to propel and advertise my blog and get it out there to be read. A bit hypocritical of me I’m sure, but it’s just another way I’m a slave to technology. Sometimes it’s a great distraction where my mind can escape the sanctimony of the mundane and stressful facets of life and dive headfirst into watching cake tutorials or the rants of others over trivial nonsense. But then other times it makes me question my own accomplishments. Like, why didn’t I do better at this, or why is adulting so hard, or how do some of these moms find the time to balance the mom life and the home life on top of slaying it at their place of work? I feel like sometimes it takes me multiple tries to even roll out of bed in the morning, eye mask askew, and hair a tangled mess of abrasive strands. Then I gotta log online and see perfect Susan and her perfect family and her perfect side hustles. Don’t even get me started on Karen.
Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love seeing my friends succeed and winning in various aspects of their life, but it’s hard to not compare yourself even though we are all on uniquely separate journeys. It’s like in Jiu Jitsu when we begin to inevitably compare our progress to our peers even though we know how detrimental that line of thinking is. I often wonder why some things are so difficult for myself but seem to come so effortlessly to others, until I realize that thinking like this isn’t conducive to my mental health or happiness. My journey in life is dictated by my pace and my pace alone, not comparative at all to the timeline of accomplishments I perceive to be reached at specific intervals at time. There is no resolute milestone of when certain accolades need to be reached or achieved and anyone who tells you differently or tries to shame you for doing things at your comfort level can get a swift middle finger to the face, honestly. We don’t know what led people down the path they are currently pursuing and who are we to dictate the velocity of which they actively pursue different achievements.
I really enjoy reading about the people who can poke fun at themselves. No one in this life makes it out alive so I find it best to soak up as much enjoyment and humor as possible. So by all means, laugh at my unphotogenic self spraying drool all across the mats or face planting off a curb with the coordination and grace of a newborn gazelle. But don’t relish in my failures as an athlete or as a person when I am risking so much by putting myself out there and trying my best. If only we were all a bit more honest on how many nights we have had, crying silently to ourselves, and wallowing in self deprecating pity over not living up to the goals we set for us. Your heroes have all sat at a table, head bowed in their hands, chest heaving with the deafening sobs only feelings of worthlessness can produce. You better cut that shit out right now because the world needs you and we do too. I’ll make sure to post equally my mishaps as well as my accomplishments because to err is human and as much as I wish I was a superhero, I’m just plain old Sami and you know what? I’m pretty good with that.
Go out there and do the thing. And if it scares you, it will transform you, and hopefully for the best, but how do you know unless you try? Power down the technology here and there and learn to not take everything you see on social media at face value. There’s a lot of wizardry going on behind the scenes that would have Albus Dumbledore rolling in his grave. Appreciate the honesty when confronted with it and know that it keeps us humble and in check. Perhaps one day I will be a superhero, but for now I’ll aim to be an everyday hero and most of all, the heroine of my own story. I’ll treat myself nicer and stop with every minute comparison. As long as I am 1% better than my previous day’s self, then I am doing alright in the world. Too much social media creates jealousy over illusions, and I ain’t no Criss Angel.
