An ambivert is a person who is defined as having both introverted and extroverted mindsets. We enjoy our time spent being around people, but we also need to take some solitary alone time in order to “recharge our batteries.” I love being surrounded by the people in my life, but occasionally, I need a break from it all where I can just go and collect myself and be at peace with my thoughts. I’m lucky enough to have a partner who not only understands this, but is also probably the only person I can be around no matter which mood I’m trudging through. Unfortunately, sometimes when I’m craving the intimacy of solace, I’m in a place where I can’t seem to get away. This makes me feel smothered and trapped; like I am suffocating under the ceaseless tidal waves of people trying to wedge their way into my confined space. I politely try to distance myself, but unfortunately, this is a skill I’m not too good at thus far and I often end up snapping at those who meant well but just seemed to poke the bear one too many times.
I think the most important relationship we can have is the one with ourself. I enjoy silently existing in my own thoughts, with my soul glowing under after receiving the nurturing and hibernation it needs to refuel. There is something incredibly invigorating about learning to fall in love with yourself and appreciate all the things you have to offer this world. I hope to make as much of a positive impact to those in my life in an equally substantial way that they have influenced me. I’m also learning how to reign in my emotions, because at 28 years old, it’s about damn time I harnessed some control over myself. Whenever I am in a location where I just can’t extract myself for my sanity, I need to learn to keep my cool and remain calm. I have a bad habit of focusing on my intense desire to be alone at home and become snappy with those infringing on “my bubble” despite their good intentions. I know there are many other people out there dealing with similar thoughts, and I need to educate myself on how they handle these situations because I’m pretty sure breaking down into tears on my partner’s chest isn’t a solid sign of stability.
Now, suffice to say, once I have recharged my batteries, I’m an entirely different person. I love to schmooze with people and engage in social situations without any lingering hesitations of anxiety. It bums me out a bit that I can’t be like this all the time. I’m not going to lie, I harbor a little bit of envy for those who seem to be so in control of their mind and their thoughts. Hell, I date someone who is the epitome of this and the control he exudes despite his surroundings or happenstance is remarkable. One of these days, I’m going to be slaying adulthood like Naomi Campbell on a runway, but until then, I’ll keep traipsing along like an alcoholic vagabond trying to regain their footing. To any friends or acquaintances I may have unknowingly shunned or been rude to as of late, I apologize. My personality trait/characteristic is not an excuse for snippety behavior and I’m sorry if my attitude reared its ugly head.
Learning to balance my wants and needs with those around me is a skill I am greatly hoping to covet. I feel like half the people reading these blogs find them relatable and the other half wonder how I am a functioning member of society day in and day out. All 10 of you must really be intrigued by the things I regurgitate on paper. Maybe you all can call me out when you see me expressing any toxic behaviors out in public; it might do me some good to get called out on my pinpointed negativity. It’s definitely something I am aware of and proactively working harder to control. I think it’s a good thing to recognize our faults and take some initiative to try and rectify them. It’s still the beginning of 2019 so this means there is ample opportunity to go out there and do better.
Being an ambivert is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact, it can actually be the latter; having the best of both worlds. Learning to cope with what gets dealt my way is a fundamental principle in becoming an influential and successful adult. I definitely want to make a difference in the world and be that person others can rely on. Perhaps by setting aside more time to “recharge my batteries” I can learn to be more stable in my day to day life. I don’t want people to constantly be on edge when they talk to me in the fear that I may lash out. Instead, I want to be that cohesive individual who knows when to be both the life of the party or the shoulder to cry on. Who can simultaneously entertain the masses and also lend an ear for private conversations. So here’s to raising a glass to the ambiverts all over the world learning how to balance their introvert and extrovert halves in one homogeneous harmony.