It really is such a fatal human flaw to fall victim to being selfish. While I do not think I am innately self-centered, more times than I am willing to admit I catch myself focused too much on me and inattentive to others. This morning I was lamenting over the fact that I won’t have any competitions for at least 3 weeks, and even harboring minute feelings of jealousy at those who have matches and tournaments sooner. I was so busy stewing in incremental seething bouts of envy, that I completely tuned out the rest of the world. And then I remembered something else. Today is the 17th anniversary of an American tragedy, and I’m a complete a-hole for glossing over a day that left such an impact on my life and many people both close to my heart and strangers whom I feel for every day. I literally just competed last weekend, earning gold, and all of a sudden that’s not good enough!? I’m ashamed of myself for allowing fleeting thoughts of self absorbed envy. Sometimes life is more than what happens to us to effect our state of mind directly or indirectly, but should also be about relating towards others. I have friends who suffered through this day and now deal with the repercussions of the mental anguish as they were forever changed because of it, and my heart is with them all today.
I spent the first half of my childhood in New Jersey, just an hour outside of New York City. Both of my parents are from the city and spent the majority of their lives in New York. I had only lived in Florida for a year when the terrorist attacks on September 11th took place. It was only a few months before my 11th birthday, but I remember every vivid detail from that day. My heart broke at everything I was witnessing on the television. Parents were scrambling to the school to pick up their children, newscasters were igniting fear in our hearts over the uncertainty of what was going to happen next and if anything else was planned to be attacked, phone lines were down, teachers were crying, and children were scared. I remember it raining all afternoon and how my tears fell in synchronized cadence to the weather outside. School was canceled for the remainder of the week and the news was filled with nothing but ‘the war on terror’ for weeks and months to come. I knew then that America was forever changed and the idea of patriotism would be embedded in the minds of people all across the country.
I woke up this morning and logged into my Facebook account ready to post an exceptionally self absorbed status complaining about the lack of competitions lined up when I saw a post from a friend who was in college in the city at the time of the attacks. The horrors she witnessed as she so eloquently described in her post immediately silenced me. I felt incredibly guilty for being such a whiny brat to think people would honestly care about the ultra competitive athlete boo-hooing about not being able to engage in competition in the immediate future. That is not the America I want to represent. This world can be so cruel and so ugly that I think it’s more than beneficial for us to step back occasionally and have some compassion towards our fellow human. We don’t know the struggles and battles and inner demons an individual may face, and a little bit of empathy can go a long way. Especially on a day like today, where we can remember the camaraderie and patriotism that reverberated throughout the country as we united with our brothers and sisters to build strength among our peers. I remember feeling so strongly, the pride that I had watching the first responders go above and beyond their line of duty in order to rescue and provide comfort to the victims. It saddens me immensely to see how so many people have lost that sense of love, compassion, and strength today and instead focus on menial and trivial things by tearing others down and becoming so enmeshed in politics that they forget that we are all human. And though we may differ on opinion or morals, respect should never be wavered.
One of things I love most about Jiu Jitsu and especially at my gym, is how no one lets difference of opinion, gender, religion, or politics effect how we conduct class on the mats. Our professor has worked hard to build a culture of respect in the dojo, and we as his students, strongly adhere to it. There is no time for intolerance (except for guard pullers!) and it is truly the thing I admire most about the place I train. Everyone is incredibly supportive of one another, and we push our teammates to their full potential and cheer alongside them in their victories and stand by them in their defeats. I know that I can occasionally lose sight of what’s really important in life and I need to work on conducting myself outside of the gym in the same manner I do when I am on the mats. Thank you to my friend for that dose of reality this morning. Sometimes we need to be slapped in the face by the harsh reality that the world does not revolve around us, and we will always be stronger as a unified team than as a separated individual.
Fighting may be a solo sport, but I am nobody without my team. Working together is what I believe truly makes America great. Unfortunately, we tend to lose sight of that and I don’t want it to be another tragedy that forces us to be unified in solidarity once again. The media tries to distract us by building rifts and tensions among anyone who disagrees. It’s sad to see people have differing opinions, and rather than respecting someone’s views even if they disagree with the message, they immediately go right for the jugular and start hurling insults. I’m all for debate, but I believe we venture so far down that rabbit hole that we often lose sight of compassion and empathy along the way. And just because we haven’t been personally effected by something or witnessed it firsthand, does not give us the right to dismiss those that have. I truly admire my friend for her bravery in sharing something so personal this morning. She said something that resonated with me the most and it was that she doesn’t want that infamous day to define her, but it will always be a part of her and her experiences in life. Today I learned a lot about self reflection and patience and the disgust I can feel with myself for being too prideful. Every breath counts and every word matters and I will try every day to not take those privileges for granted. United we stand, and divided we fall, and this applies to humans as whole entity and not just a part of one geographical location. “Forever red, white, and blue, and those colors don’t run. E Pluribus Unum- Out of many, one.”
