I get it; we are all dealing with our own shit, day in and day out. Like the saying you hear people parroting about ‘Be kind to everyone, you never know what someone is dealing with.’ And yes, while it is a profoundly true statement, it also tends to miss the mark on the proclivity for people to feel special and unique. It’s human nature to possess some semblance of sanctimonious self-importance. Known as illusory superiority, this phenomenon is a well-documented psychological bias where we view ourselves as being above others in one facet or another. For example, a 2018 study found that over 65% of Americans viewed themselves as smarter than their average peer. The amount of men who think they can outrun a champion race horse or beat a grizzly bear in a fight is astounding. They couldn’t even beat my 120 lb self in a fight, and I know for a fact I would get stomped, mauled, and eviscerated by a grizzly. Lastly, there seems to be a fascination with people convinced they look younger than their years, as evidenced by Tik Tok videos with someone posting a clip clamoring how young they look, only for the comments to absolutely humble them in the most vicious of ways.
Perhaps this is all a self-preservation technique, used to help preserve our mental health and keep the cloying hands of depression from taking hold of our souls. If we are somehow more special or more elevated than our peers, we must me better than them, igniting a tiny kernel of self-evoking happiness. But there truly seems to be a fascination with thinking we are smarter, stronger, or younger-looking than our peers. When the truth is the vast majority of us look our age (not me, I have Botox & Sculptra. Lol JK), possess average intellect, and couldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight. Now of course, there are always exceptions to every rule, and almost every brand new Brazilian Jiu Jitsu blue belt thinks they would annihilate anyone ranked below them in a fight, but life just doesn’t work out that way. Hell, I am a black belt and still get humbled on the mats daily by the younger and stronger male lower belts. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, but I have no idea what the fascination is with constant comparisons to other people. Especially online where AI, filters, and editing tools are plentiful.
This doesn’t just extend to ourselves, but also onto our children. Everyone wants to believe that their child is uniquely special. The cutest, the smartest, the most amazing athlete etc. Truth is, while your kid may be the center of your universe, they are not the center of the universe, and better have them learning early on that the world doesn’t owe them anything to be entitled to and it is always best to go out there and work hard, be kind, and do their best to leave a positive impact in their wake. Whether you or your child go on to accomplish great things, you will know it. You won’t have to constantly ram it down people’s throats, but instead, people will tell you how amazing your child is, or how inspirational you are. As the saying goes, “any man who must say ‘I am the King,’ is no true king.”
I have done Jiu Jitsu long enough now, and MMA years before that, that I have both seen and experienced a plethora of painful injuries. From black eyes, to broken noses, to severe concussions, to torn ligaments, bloody gashes, and everything and anything in between. I have been fortunate enough to be blessed with a high pain tolerance, (which has before bitten me in the ass), and I am also a stubborn idiot so I continue to keep on trucking and pushing through. Now clearly, I am insane, and I am not saying if you train you have to be like-minded. However, there has to be at least a smidgen of that mentality if you want to make it as an MMA fighter, or future Jiu Jitsu world champion, in order to push through when the times get tough. Almost no fight camp or tournament will you endure the duration of feeling 100% mentally and physically, with no qualms in your personal life or battling nagging injuries. But if you truly want it bad enough, you shut up, gear up, and just do it.
I’ve said it before in a previous article, and I’ll say it again, I abhor the saying “Jiu Jitsu is for everyone.” While I do think it without a doubt has the potential to be, regardless of any obstacles, limitations, or setbacks, the truth is, it’s not, and that is perfectly okay. Things are gonna get sore. You’re gonna get boo-boos, and ouchies, and sprains, and strains, and aches, and pains. You will spill blood, you will lay awake at night unable to sleep from the pain, you will abuse ibuprofen and Tylenol and panic when you hear these new reports coming out about different medications (a topic for another day). And if you’re anything like me, you will cry in the shower during a particularly grueling fight camp where you drop almost 20 lbs and the caloric deficit plus high output makes you very emotional.
Every fight camp, I would change my lock screen to say something like “nobody cares, work harder.” Or “Wake up. Sweat. Bleed. Cry. Repeat.” Etc. And I had something like 17 fights so we went through a number of those. I had to train while dealing with family issues, personal battles, health scares, broken fingers, bruised body parts, gashes that required stitches etc. I had to cut 18.5 lbs in 15 days locked in a room during Covid regulations, and with my normal coaching team out of the country. I was so on my own and I suffered. But I did it. Why? Because no one is coming to save you. Sometimes you gotta be the one who slays the dragon and rescues yourself from the tallest tower. And I know everyone else has their own shit going on, so just because I am going through a lot, does not make my struggles more important or impressive than anyone else’s.
I don’t strive to be inspirational or admired in my every day life. Honestly, the only thing I care about is loving, honoring, and respecting my husband, and doing whatever I can for his children and my family to know they are loved and I will be there for all of them always. When I die, I hope people will remember me as someone who always worked hard and always tried to do the right thing, no matter how difficult. And I also hope that I have kept the kvetching down to a minimum, because no one wants to spend their time around a complainer. Not going to lie, I literally started deleting and muting those type of people on my social media because I was like “dang, do you ever talk about anything good?” It’s why I try to consistently post about love, butts, and baked goods. Less Eeyores and more Winnie the Pooh’s.
Now, because I am a total hypocrite, I’ll end this blog by posting a bunch of pics of me battling different injuries during fight camps, and after fights, when I still had to run a gym and teach classes. Look, see, I did it! And so can you! Ha, but no, really, I just think they’re pretty nifty and a good reminder to me of all the hardships I have made it through thus far, so even though I am currently in my scariest fight with these mystery health ailments, I know I can make it through. I have come out on the end of every single battle life has thrown at me thus far, and I will continue to persevere. I am fortunate to be surrounded with a strong support system with my lover, family, and friends, and do not take for granted the fact that I know I am only able to keep on pushing through because I have all of them. Knee hanging on by a thread, body collapsing when they can’t figure out why I am fainting, but you will never see me not competing or busting my booty in the gym. I may not be able to beat a bear in a fight, but I bare my all in this blog and keep fighting whatever life throws at me regardless, keeping most of my complaints to myself (and my husband of course). Sorry John!
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