Father Time

Blink and you’ll miss it. My god, is that so true. I used to think it was just something old people said, or other parents just stated in order to commiserate with their peers. But the older I get, the truer it is that life just goes by way too fast. And what’s even crazier, is you don’t understand how. Just yesterday you were 21 and eager to embark upon adulthood. Now, you’re waking up on your 50th birthday with the creaks and aches that come with middle-aged joints. Then you start thinking about how much is left in this life. What once seemed so far away is now on the cusp of your horizon’s visibility. What’s even more detrimental, is when you start thinking about all of the mistakes you made, or the things you have done wrong, or even the things you never did but wish you had. And when you are at the end of your life’s journey, all you’ll have left is maybe a few mementos, the photographs of all those wonderful times, and most importantly, the wonderful memories you made along the way with all the special people that you made them with.

It can be overstimulating during the summer season when you’re a parent and your children are home from school during these vacation months. Everything is chaotic, and messy, and it is overwhelming and exhausting. You’re constantly bombarded with things to do, trying to keep them fed and from boredom while still maintaining your work and days to day tasks. But before you know it, 18 summers have gone by in the blink of an eye and there isn’t anymore time left for your children to come home. When you think about it, it’s really not that long for you to play Santa, or to have them crawl into bed with you after a nightmare, to wipe away their tears, or to kiss the booboos from their skinned knees and make everything better. Suddenly, the stressed out days full of screaming children becomes something you actually end up missing. Time is a cruel joke, and if we don’t savor each and every second now, we will lose opportunities that will never present themselves again.

Maybe I am feeling some type of way after I saw some recent tragedies befall the children of some people in my life. It crushed me to see people so young, with so much life still left to live, have it all cut cruelly short. It pained my heart to see, and I wish things were different. I remember approaching my 30th birthday, and dreading the day I would wake up and be that age. I remember not wanting to answer when people asked how old I was, and felt like my best years were behind me and I was doomed to become a haggard and decrepit old lady riddled with arthritis and scorned dreams. Now, after witnessing firsthand that the only alternative is to growing old is dying young, I actually revel in my age and realize what a true privilege it is to grow old. While I am no longer what society deems as “young and beautiful,” I feel better than I ever have with who I am and I savor every moment of being alive. I am happier than I ever been, and know that life hasn’t cease to progress just because I am in my 30s. I know I will keep working to get the most out of it.

While we can’t go back in time to make better choices than where we currently are, we can relish the present and where we are right now. I, for one, would not change anything about my past because it helped to cultivate who I am. Perhaps I would have taken more photos of the memories I made and the people I was with, because one day, that is all we will have left. I can’t believe how right everyone was when they said life moves fast, because as a kid, I swore I felt every single minute of every single day. I longed to be more grown up, and constantly dreamt about my future where I would be independent. Now look at me. I didn’t realize how great it was when you had people taking care of your every need lol. Now anytime I put something on the calendar, I feel like it’s here before I know it. Too bad you can’t just hit the ‘pause’ button every now and then.

It’s crazy how everyone was right when they said “you’re only as old as you feel.” And yes, while my knees feel like they are 75, my mind is still full of exuberant youth. Sometimes, it feels like just yesterday when I was still in high school, so unsure of myself and uncertain of where my future would take me. And sometimes I still feel like that little girl, trapped in a world full of adults, and wondering what my next move is. I wonder if my husband ever thinks of those times in his youth, and is wondering how he became the person that he did. And since it is his 50th birthday today, and he has now amassed a half a century under his belt, I wonder if he thinks it all went by too fast as well. He raised so many kids, and is now a grandpa, and when he sees his grand babies, I wonder if it ever reminds him of when his daughters were that young. I can’t believe he is 50, and still as ripped as ever, in phenomenal shape, and kicking ass on the mats. I hope he still loves me when I look like a shriveled up raisin at 50, and requiring the assistance of a walker to get by. As Father Time keeps on creeping by, I hope Mother Nature treats us all well, and we truly do live every moment to its full potential, and with lots of laughter and lots of love along the way.