People can proclaim all they want until they are blue in the face that they know right from wrong, or aren’t hateful, prejudiced, or critical of someone, but actions always speak louder than words. Pay attention to the unconscious biases around you. Several years ago, I wrote about an instance when my husband and I (boyfriend at the time), were on our way to a major competition, No Gi Pans, out in Texas. Although we were dressed similarly, and both carrying our gym bags, he was the only one approached by quite a few people asking if he was some type of fighter or athlete. I am sure his domineering appearance and gigantic beard played a part in this, because we both carried the same bag with similar attire. And while I didn’t want to read too much into the situation, I did point out to him how all of them paid no attention to the tiny-framed woman beside him. Then wouldn’t you know it, ran into one of those same people on our way back at the airport, who was exceptionally eager to ask John about how he did at the competition. After John told him, he began to tell him about his girlfriend beside him who fought amazingly and took second place, only for the gentleman to brush it aside and leave mid-sentence, clearly not caring in the slightest. I’ll never forget John looking right at me and muttering “I see what you mean now.”
Naturally, this wasn’t the only time this took place. Again, at the airport, on the way to one of my professional MMA cage fights, John was approached by someone asking if he as a fighter. When he began to tell them that no, it was actually his wife who was the pro athlete, the man immediately became disinterested and only wanted to hear John’s perspectives. I was too exhausted from cutting weight to interject. I know there are many women who can probably relate, as it happens far too often, where we are easily dismissed, ignored, or not accounted for. The corporate world I am sure is full of many men who disregard the opinions of their female coworkers, and would much prefer to speak to a ‘man-in-charge.’ Don’t get me wrong, I by no means think this is with all men, or that it happens to everyone, but from my personal experience, it has happened more times than I would like to admit. Trust me, I am very aware that my husband is a looming and intimidating figure, and I am far less so, but that doesn’t negate my experience, opinion, or accomplishments.
There is definitely some underlying misogyny about, whether someone wants to admit it to themselves or not. I see it often online and on social media. There was an instance with dozens of people ridiculing an individual for being a no-show at yet another event, making various memes about this person and derogatory remarks. I leave one comment, only saying that “he has done this before.” And rather than go after the countless guys calling him out on his bullshit, I get called every name in the book, from ugly, to a bitch, to having multiple instances of cyberstalking and online harassment from said individual. I wrote a seemingly harmless comment, a factual reply, and that is the one we hone in on? Not all of the men who scrutinized every aspect of this person’s behavior, and called him harsh names, but the 123 pound, sole female leaving a comment? And over a year latter and this person still follows my every movement, commenting on my blogs, and relentlessly insulting me. Yet I haven’t thought of them in over a year. Must be nice to have so much free time to squander away and preoccupy time better spent elsewhere by fervently typing behind a screen. I hope they like this blog though since the constant following of my endeavours constitutes being a fan at this point.
This past weekend, I received yet another person, only arguing with me on social media. It seems they had an issue with some of the comments other people were leaving under a video, but rather than confronting those individuals, which unsurprisingly were all men, I once again get all the aggressive remarks. My husband also leaves a reply, much more straightforward and blunt than I, and still, the antagonism is only directed toward me, and never a reply to him. Not any of the men leaving comments, but me, the small girl. I will never not celebrate the accomplishments of my teammates and students, and will not put down others in order to salute their success, so it is wholly unnecessary for someone to try and undermine their joy. Women get told all of the time how emotional they are, but I can’t be the only one witnessing many men having knee-jerk reactions and responses over not being able to reign in their emotions. Facts, not feelings people. Unless Midol is about to pursue a new line of medication called ‘Guydol.’
I am so grateful to have an abundance of wonderful people in my life, men and women. I am also proud to have become the confident woman I am, and not let small-minded fools who try to denigrate me succeed. If I continuously try to always do the right thing, even when it is exceptionally difficult, I will be courageous enough to never back down. I stand on business. Those who partake in arguments and debates, especially on social media, and begin to insult, demean, ridicule, or call names to the other person have most definitely lost already. It’s good to have emotions, but one must learn control and balance in order to not let them cloud their judgment and poison their tongue by blubbering words like an uncontrolled juvenile, especially at their big age. Remember, many feelings are temporary, but screenshots are forever. Don’t let an embarrassing lapse of your lips be the thing people forever associate you with. Life isn’t always fair, but acceptance and humility go a long way when it comes to understanding. Ending this blog with a direct quote from Lao Tzu: “He who controls others may be powerful, but he who masters himself is mightier still.”
YOU SUCK! You a no talent piece of shit. GET OUT! How dare you. You’re a DISGRACE. YOU SUCK! Who the hell do you think you are? Who the hell do you think you are? You any kind of artist? Anybody know who you are?! Maybe everyone else wants to enjoy the peace and quiet. You miserable, presumptuous NO TALENT. You’re no artist. An artist respects the silence that serves the foundation of creativity. You OBVIOUSLY dont have the talent, You dont have enough respect for yourself or other people OR what it is to express yourself; In WRITING or ANY other form of creativity.
Please stop, you no talented hack.
Bully. Just stop.
Timothy, if you do not like me or what I choose to write about, you can also exercise your freedom and choose to not constantly check my posts 24/7. I will be pursuing legal action if the harassment continues as a fair warning. We are adults with families. I have done nothing to you ever. Thank you for maturing about this.
Tim – stop bullying people and being a jerk.
And plenty of people know who she is and think she is an awesome human being – doubt many people would say the same about you.
Why don’t you leave people alone and go get some help – which you clearly need.
Timothy, you are clearly talking about your own insecurities and need psychological help.I had no idea of your existence before this, but your words make me sure that I don’t want anything to do with you. I’m pretty sure no one who trains at my gym would either.
The Wolf Queen is an inspiration to many of us.
Lol get triggered much? I don’t think she could have paid you for a more fitting response. May as well just sign as “the bitter guy she’s talking about in the article”.
Wow!! I see what you mean about being harassed (the comment by Timothy Grant Harrell). I’m so sorry you’ve been putting up with comments from this piece of shit. You deserve better. Good on you for empowering yourself. Maybe block this guy (if you can-not sure how blogging works) or seek a restraining order if he’s continuously harassing you. Not sure what his problem is, but he’s definitely a looney tune. Stay empowered. Good luck to you.
Thank you so much <3
Keep doing what you’re doing. So much respect for you.
Thank you!
Reminds me of a study they did on male gamers comments towards female gamers and they found that only men lacking in skill would tear down women – while those confident in their abilities would teach and help raise up women. I think this especially applies here. Keep doing what you’re doing.
I definitely need to go find this study now. That’s amazing!
Wow-that Timothy guy has feelings. Ignore it-there is no profit in giving it time or energy-just enjoy the people who think you are awesome and beautiful.
It is so funny-I had a similar experience last weekend-I was at the airport with my daughter and this guy has a shiny new GB shirt so I went over to talk to him. He was a relatively new white belt and just done his first competition-I congratulated him on getting out there so soon, he was not really interested and walked away quickly-there was another guy in a shiny new GB shirt and I overheard the first guy gushing over him-both white belts. Guess I did not have the look. As a brown belt with 10 years of training not very interesting. Oh well…not worried about it..just thought it was funny.
You can’t control what other people do or think but they are really doing themselves a disservice..as women who have lasted in a sport where most men quit we have a wealth of knowledge, perspective, toughness and history that is very valuable.
You are so right. And definitely think you have the look! Amen sis
As a five foot currently 107 pound 66 year old woman, I am utterly familiar with the behavior you described so eloquently.
You were among the women who inspired me to compete, which I consider the best therapy.
This just made my whole day
Lol bitter boy’s response. It’s like when you have a snare set, just hoping to snag something or other, and some big dumb animal just meanders right on in.
Extra lol for “how dare you”.
Lols everywhere. This is a job for…. Lol guy!!
Wow, little Timmy just COMPLETELY PROVED YOUR POINT! Thank you for that, Timmy! He’s also probably one of those guys who harass me for being a homemaker and caretaker of a disabled veteran and Mom to my niece since my sister (her Mom died) people are so very quick to judge on what they see and they’re biased, small minded opinions. People suck and until they walk in anyone else’s shoes, they really should take a big step back. I think you should get even more credit, as a woman for fighting (literally) so hard through such a hardcore sport and holding your own, doing what you do and not only doing it well, but, perfecting it, while also creating a loving home and being a great wife, Mom, Grandmother, etc., in the midst of it. People don’t quite get it. If someones husband told me his wife actually fought and won and was also a just as amazing athlete then I’d be even more so interested and excited to meet and talk with that person. Keep doing your thing girl and let the small minded be just that…small minded! The people who know you are awesome and support you are the only ones who matter. ( but, I do see the annoying stereotype and yes, it gets extremely frustrating!)
BTW, I hope you lose tomorrow.