A Rising Tide Lifts All Ships

It’s 2023, a new year, time to leave all the bullshit behind in the past. I can guarantee that every woman (and perhaps some men) reading this blog can relate to their story of a fake ass friend, whether from their days of adolescence, to through the teenage years, and even now in adulthood. Not necessarily someone downright sabotaging you, but someone in your inner circle secretly (and maybe not so secretly), rooting for you to fail; a frenemy if you will. For some reason, we have felt some sort of internal obligation to keep this person around, sometimes even going so far as to gaslight ourselves for being overly sensitive or too emotional and trying to convince ourselves that we are simply taking something the wrong way. Perhaps we feel guilty if we cut this person off, or we are being too sentimental over the memories of having this person around for so long. But it is for sure not healthy to keep someone around who is so conniving and who would like nothing more than to watch us stumble and fall flat on our faces. They say we should all trust that gust instinct that sends us warning signals, and just because we spent a long time committing to a mistake (i.e. being their friend), does not mean we need to keep that toxic poison around. It’s a new year, and time to cut ties with old, bad habits.

Even as early as middle school, I remember thinking these sharp-tongued mean girls were my friends, and that nothing they said was actually meant to hurt my feelings, but I was probably just being somewhat envious of something about them. But no, truth of the matter is some girls are just bitches, lashing out their insecurities and fear of shortcomings by trying to always put down someone else so that they themselves can be better. You know these people; the type that will wish you well as long as it doesn’t mean doing better than them. The kind that will clap for you but only if it isn’t as loud as the applause for them. Now-a-days with social media, this is easier to do than it has ever been before. Although I do remember in high school when social media had just started to fluorish, getting comments from classmates like “You look so pretty not wearing eyeliner here!.” Totally backhanded comment and I know what you’re doing. Back then I would comment something like “Lol! Thanks.” And then wonder why I felt miserable for days constantly feeling bad about my appearance and thinking I was ugly. Hell, even just the other day I posted a photo wearing a full-beat face of makeup (something I rarely now do) and still received underhanded remarks about makeup and editing. You know what you’re doing when you leave underhanded comments that are really just snide insults masking themselves as a humorous remark. Trying to conceal a shot at my appearance as really a compliment in order to feel better about yourself by pointing out imperfections. Delete. I am not taking that energy with me into this new year.

When people leave subtly disparaging remarks, rather than simply scrolling by, it says a lot more about them then it does about me. First it tells me that you’re fake, and rather than eliminating yourself from my life, you remain a part of it in order to keep tabs on me and check up on me to make sure I am never getting too far ahead. If you watch everything I do, honey, you’re a fan. Secondly, it tells me that there are some deep-rooted insecurity issues that you have with yourself because any true queen understands that shedding light on someone else’s crown never dulls the sparkle of their own. And lastly, it tells me that when push comes to shove, I would easily be sacrificed by you in order to gain success in something. All of the aforementioned reasons are why I will no longer tolerate any of that unacceptable behavior in my life. If you want to be negative that’s fine, but there is no reason my mental health and self-esteem should suffer just because I feel obligated to accept that person’s actions and attitude and allow it to keep diminishing my happiness.

I don’t know what it is about women, but that catty and jealous behavior seems to be more prevalent in girl groups than with men. I had this one friend (or so I thought) that claimed to be a great teammate in the gym, but it was really only if it benefitted her. Never showing up to support anyone else in their endeavors unless it equally catapulted her success as well. Heaven forbid if others excelled in a tournament where she fell short and it was nothing but bitterness abound. Don’t get me wrong, I love when my team and I all find success together, but there have been times where I have failed where they have reigned supreme, and you know what? I was understandably upset about my outcome, but I was elated at the success of my friends, always in their corner, and doing whatever I could to help them with their achievements such as purchasing their PPV streams, sharing their posts on social media, helping them with sponsored content, and even being there to help them prepare with extra practice and hard sparring rounds. I will never only extend kindness expecting something in return, but because it is the right thing to do, rather than chasing every selfish opportunistic endeavor for myself. If they talk so brazenly about others in your presence, they are also whispering about you in your absence. At the end of the day, these types of people will have darkness and betrayal follow them everywhere and sit there wondering why they deal with this, unable to recognize that they need to Taylor Swift it and realize they are the problem.

I would much rather have the honest and integral people in my life to provide me with the feedback that helps. It may not always be exactly what I want to hear (like telling me my competition rash guard makes me look crooked), but they do it with kindness rather than malice. I’d much rather have the enemy who openly hates me than the fake person masquerading as a friend. It is so much more dangerous to associate with the Benedict Arnold’s of the worlds than the British Army (just a saying). Because these are the hurts that completely blindside you, bringing you insurmountable heartache and pain as they can use their personal knowledge and intel of your life to truly cause damage. If you ever catch yourself constantly upset over one particular person, why do you allow yourself to have put up with it for so long? It’s time to say sayonara to the frenemies and recognize that she really ain’t your friend sis. If someone constantly feels the need to put others down in order to get ahead, they are not a person worth keeping in your life. We don’t aways reign supreme, but we also don’t have to knock anyone else down a peg so that we can contain our jealousy. Instead, work on not only raising yourself up, but others as well. After all, a rising tide lifts all ships.