The 5 languages of love are vital to any relationship in your life; romantic, platonic, and familial. Many of us usually have a specific language we gravitate towards when receiving, and something completely different when we are giving and they often don’t always reciprocate. I know that rings true for my case personally, but it can also be the same for both too. It’s good to explore your thoughts and feelings and understand what works best for you as this helps build the fundamentals for strong relationships. If you don’t know what makes yourself happy, you won’t be able to fulfill the gaps for others, as it is simply impossible to pour from an empty cup. The 5 love languages are: physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation.
Without a doubt, the best way I show my love, care, thoughtfulness, and affection for others is acts of service. I will jump at the chance to be helpful and alleviate any stressors in someone’s life. I’ll help to run errands, clean and organize, do favors, be there in someone’s time if need, and even cook special meals and treats for those I love. Unfortunately, someone might not be the person who enjoys receiving love by acts of service and I need to remember not to take that to heart or so personally. I mostly enjoy being useful to others (oh god, I hope that’s not because I would feel unwanted without providing a vital and helpful service to someone). I’m always going to do my best to do all I can though.
However, the way that I prefer to receive love is words of affirmation, and it completely dominates all the other languages for me. I’m satiated with the most simple of “thank you’s” or “I appreciate you” or even apologies. It’s nice to be told someone is proud of me or that they’re grateful I’m in their life. The problem I have created though, is I’ve relied on this as a crutch due to some traumatic experiences in my childhood that have haunted me well into adulthood and I am struggling to manage and navigate these negative emotional experiences. Lately, I’ve been taking lack of affirmatory words as downright exclusionary negligence. Then my brain starts spiraling with depressive thoughts about being unwanted, unneeded, and a source of loathing. I’ve become a neurotic and self-deprecating individual thinking I’m the least liked person around and people would be happy if I simply wasn’t around anymore. It’s a dangerous thought, certainly.
I’ve ben told I share too much on here detailing the thoughts that run through my head and will be viewed as weak or mentally ill by my peers and the public. I don’t know. I guess there may be such a thing as being too authentic when it comes to letting people into the inner workings of my brain and all the anguish and turmoil that coincide with it. Especially after Pans this past weekend. I was already spiraling negatively due to imaginary scenarios I created in my head where I feared everyone hated me and was talking about me behind my back (not true) and people would be better off without me. Then due to extenuating stressors, this coincided with an increased lack of sleep, affording me almost no time to recoup and recover with my emotions already teetering at the ledge. My match resulted in a heinous decision brought on by nepotism and deplorable behavior, and I let it get to me far more than I should, even knowing that things couldn’t be changed. Was it wrong? Absolutely. But that doesn’t afford me the right to behave the way that I did.
I had what some might call a slight mental breakdown. I cried, I let those bad thoughts fester, and all I could focus on was everything bad that occurred and all the sadness that I felt. My professor talked to me about channeling some of that focus to reframe my mindset to all of the good things that happened as well, because there were definitely a lot. I know I trained hard as hell for that competition, and I felt robbed from a spot at the top of the podium, but that doesn’t mean my world has crashed down. On the bright side, I received so much kindness and positivity and yes, words of affirmation on my posts afterward that filled me with immeasurable joy. So learn your love language. It has helped me tremendously. And if you ever wanna reach out to me or see me anywhere, know that saying a kind word to me means absolutely more than you could ever know. I feel wanted, needed, but most of all, loved. Just please don’t touch me. Touch is my last scored language of love and I ain’t ya baby bjorn. 😤
