Gratitude

Gratitude. One simple, small little word with a whole lot of depth and meaning. We are but a microsm of the universe; here for a finite amount of time and simply a blip on the radar that will mean almost nothing to practically the entirety of the world. To the few who matter though, we mean everything and may even compromise their whole world. Life is but a constant journey of ups and downs, surprises and facts, adventures and plateaus, and as equally stressful as its is exhilarating. There is no guarantee on what it has to offer between one day and the next and there is always a percentage of a gamble from the moment we get up to the second we lay to rest, but we all deserve the chance to see what it has to offer. The most important thing to realize is how fleeting and fragile it truly is, and not one breath of oxygen need ever be taken for granted.

This past weekend, I had a great opportunity to compete in a no gi grappling match for charity that would benefit a dear friend of mine. She is facing an exorbitant amount of medical bills from facial surgeries due to a domestic violence assault and it was a huge honor for me to be able to partake in this event. I finished my match with an inside heel hook submission in 1:02 and was enjoying the feeling of being able to execute a set up and transition from something I had specifically worked on the day prior. How quickly things can change when emotions of elation suddenly turn to fear and panic. While we were heading home, my fiancé and I got into an awful and scary car wreck. Just like that, my world went into turmoil.

Fortunately, I was watching the rest of the grappling matches via my phone on the livestream so the onslaught of the airbags being deployed hit me square in the strongest part of my forehead, saving me from serious bodily harm. I have mild soreness from the whiplash and slight bruising from the seatbelt, but am otherwise unscathed. While initially thinking my fiancé had a broken arm and creating a makeshift sling with a pair of sweatpants for support, once we sought out medical care, it turned out to be a severe case of compartment syndrome causing the laceration on his forearm to swell at odd angles. I didn’t witness any of the accident as I was looking down at my lap, but remember him yelling out and then glass, smoke, and impact. Plus the worry and terror I felt about the possibility of something awful having happened to him while simultaneously all he cared about was my wellbeing.

I’ve never been more terrified than I was in that moment thinking something bad had happened to the person I care about most in the entire universe. When the crash first occurred, I was silent and still as my body and mind were both trying to process what had happened and I was a bit in shock. Hearing the panic in his voice as he was trying to assure I wasn’t hurt was the scariest thing I have ever heard. I would rather lose a thousand grappling matches in a row than to ever endure that terror and panic ever again. I know he was concerned with my upcoming fight, but in the grand scheme of things, who gives a fuck about a fight when your loved one may be in serious peril. To say I am grateful that we are both healthy, safe, and together would be the understatement of the century.

Life can change drastically in a split second, and it really helps you to re-evaluate everything you are grateful for. It makes me sad that there are people in my life where I wish the bonds of our love and relationship had never been severed, but I can only do so much without the other party willing to mend bridges. I hope sooner rather than later they will realize how precious life truly is, and let bygones be bygones and trivial matters disintegrate into oblivion. In the meantime, I will keep pursuing this path of fighting with my number one by my side forever and always. Material possessions can be replaced, humans can not. Thankful for the people in my life who choose to remain a part of it and those that allow me to be a part of theirs as well. Life may be finite, but the love I have to share is infinite and I will keep spreading it like warm butter on freshly baked bread until the end of my days.