Stiffen up that upper lip, boys don’t cry, boys will be boys, man up et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Society places such an emphasis on men to be the bearer of all things without any hint of vulnerability or emotion. Be the bread winner, the tough guy, the manly man, be strong, have muscles, grow a beard, make money, be a dad, take care of the bills, the house, and don’t you dare show any weakness. Break those fucking barriers guys, because it’s 2020 and we are better than our parents generations. The man who can express his love to his children and his partner and shares his hopes and dreams at his most vulnerable state is the man everyone should aspire to be. A good person is the one who goes above and beyond in his personal life and his career, and that has zero to do with gender or sexual anatomy. Good dads sacrifice so much of themselves to provide their children with all the best the world has to offer, hoping to give them all of the things that they never had. Not until we grow up do we recognize those sacrifices and truly appreciate them. These men work so hard in their respective occupations, and then the best of them come home and give so much of themselves to their families, and to me there is no greater person than the one who can balance all facets of their life. John Schell, the man who does it all with zero complaints, who expects nothing in return and is the best dad, partner, professor, and coach, this one is for you.
Every day I watch this man work a full time job, come home, and then teach Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes at his gym where he is the head black belt instructor. He helps run the entire affiliation and even teaches kids classes where many professors would delegate that task to the lower ranked instructors. I watch him drive almost an hour away to get his children to and from school on a biweekly basis and bust his butt making sure they have ample opportunity to succeed and feel loved. As tough and strong as he is, he is never too proud to admit fault or share his feelings. He expresses his love often and in a variety of ways and makes sure that everyone in his life feels appreciated for all that they do. He coaches me and supports all of my dreams and stands by my side through the good and the bad. I don’t know how he does it. I don’t think I’d be able to handle the person I love and care most about eat elbows until they are bloody and concussed, but there he is cageside every single time. He even cornered me while enduring through a raging virus and fever at my last fight and never complained. He makes sure all of our financial responsibilities are handled and even set some time aside with our busy schedules for quality relationship bonding. Every day, he thanks me for the cooking and cleanliness I provide and all I do in the household and never once in the past 3 years have I ever wondered if I am truly appreciated. And one of the best things he does is he won’t ever allow anyone to disrespect me with hateful or disparaging remarks, but lets the world know we are always in it together.
I’m tired of watching this man get shit on by narrow minded people who don’t see all that he does. It can be so easy to hold hatred in our hearts when we ourselves are faced with our failures and shortcomings. Misery loves company and it is much easier to lash out at those who didn’t let life’s circumstances impede them from persevering rather than confronting our own faults and weaknesses. He has such a good heart and is always giving so much of himself and what amazes me most is that no matter how many times he has been screwed over by people, he never stops trying to help. He is such a good and genuine person that the ugliness of the world has yet to change his willingness to assist those in need. I don’t for one second think I would be strong enough to keep trying in the face of adversity like he has. To the outside reader, this may seem like I am just blowing a lot of smoke up his ass because we are together, but I assure you, I am keeping my private bedroom life out of this particular blog. I don’t think I will ever fully comprehend how this man manages to get so much done in a single day and still have time to calmly and rationally handle any hiccup that pops up. And then he has to deal with my occasional bratty personality and mood swings on weight cuts. He raises children, runs a gym, takes care of all his responsibilities, and never runs out of any love or affection. He has never missed a parent/teacher conference, shows up to every sporting event or extracurricular activity, stays late, gets up early, and is always there if anyone needs him. And often times, no one gives a shit and celebrates recognizes all that he does, but he never stops giving all of himself in return. It’s not an exaggeration in the slightest to say it is truly an honor to be on this journey in life alongside him.
John is the kind of person to spend 2 hours with someone when they only pay for a one hour private BJJ lesson, simply because he wants to help. He will go over every detail, answer any question, and demonstrate anything the client asks. He will drive hours out of his way just to be there for his kids no matter how significant the event. When it comes to those he raised, he will be there for anything and everything in their life, whether blood related or not. He will make sure to always answer his phone, no matter the hour of the day, if anyone is calling upon him in their time of need. He has been taken advantage of more times than I can count, but he never stops offering his aid. He has covered the expenses of those he cares about when they have faced financial difficulties or medical emergencies, he has provided hard labor and offered a helping hand to anyone who has asked, and he has embraced anyone who has come into his life with nothing but respect and admiration. My parents loved him the moment they met him despite our age difference and diverse life experiences. He has dropped everything to help out my grandmother and did it all with a smile on his face and without a second thought. If there is anyone on the planet I could emulate, it would be John Schell. He is the type of man you can always count on, the person who will always go above and beyond the call of duty, and the one who will stand beside you even when the whole world has turned their back on you. To anyone who has ever had a John in their life that they treated with irreverence, spite, and discord, shame on you. You lost out on the greatest person I have ever known.
John, I am sure I embarrassed you a bit with my total admiration of your character and praising of the amazing person that you are, but I would be doing a total disservice to the world if I didn’t commend you for everything that you are and all that you do. Nothing in life has ever broken my heart more than to witness the ways in which you can be treated, but my respect for you has grown immeasurably for the grace and dignity in which you have handled all of life’s transgressions. Life has chewed you up and spit you out like a sampling of cow’s cud, but you never faltered or quit. You dusted off your shoulders and worked twice as hard to climb out of any hole anyone has tried to bury you in. So many people look at you and see nothing but the success, accolades, and accomplishments you have achieved without knowing the full story of the struggles and hardships you have endured. Your path to greatness has been far from easy, but no one would ever be the wiser because you have never let any of the bullshit impede your growth or used any of the hardships (and there have been plenty that would have broken even the strongest of men) as an excuse to be why you failed. Instead, you let the crap that tried to bury you fertilize you instead and you have thrived and flourished in this life. There is not a doubt in my mind that the world would be a significantly better place if more people like John Schell existed. In fact, I am positive that I am a better person just by having him in my life and that he has escalated the positive I do profoundly and influenced and inspired me to be better; at Jiu Jitsu, at fighting, at working hard, at parenting, at forgiving, and at being a better person overall. What you do in this life is not your legacy, but it is the impact on those you have around you who will remember the good you have inspired for years to come. John, your legacy will live on long after you are gone because of the lives you have touched and those fortunate enough to have known you will carry your spirit and improve the lives of others simply because you existed and I thank you forever from the bottom of my heart.
