Mind Yo Business (No One Asked You Karen)

Unsolicited advice is the junk mail of life; it is going straight into the trash with my publisher’s clearance house scam checks. Yet when you are in a profession that can lead to being in the spotlight, everyone and their 3rd cousin once removed thinks they are in a position to offer their 2 cents on something they have either minimal or zero experience in. I’ll be the first to say I have no qualms thinking that my coaches are the absolute best in the game. Between a world champion BJJ black belt and Muay Thai expert with multiple professional fights under his belt at my home gym, and UFC coaches with years of experience at a nearby gym, I have my bases covered and trust all of them fully to steer me in the right direction. But lo and behold I’ll get a middle-aged out of shape man who boasts of multiple “street fights” trying to advise me on certain skillsets to acquire. Or an armchair financial expert or a guy who attended one wrestling practice trying to tell me how to lead my career. Or even the other week when someone who looked like they had cauliflower ear one time, tried to mansplain draining an ear. I sent him one photo of my mangled Keebler elf ears and he shut up so damn fast. New life motto: get your bitch ass ears out my face fam.

The internet is a scary place when it comes to advice from strangers. Y’all should take a gander at some of these mom groups online. Someone will literally post a pic of their child’s eye dangling from its socket and asking other women what they should do. I don’t know Sharon, maybe take him to the ER instead of asking the LuLu Lemon moms. And you will have all kinds of answers from “give him some elderberry syrup” to “this wouldn’t have happened if you had done your research on vaccines.” Or I can’t even tell you how many Jiu Jitsu groups I am in where I am watching someone with the equivalent BJJ knowledge of a no stripe white belt offer advice on submissions or competing. And I wonder how many women reading this have friends on their personal facebook page comment things likes “You shouldn’t do Jiu Jitsu. You’re going to get hurt.” No one asked you Karen! Truth is, you can never be sure of someone’s credentials online, it’s very easy to lie and manipulate a conversation through text, so you should always have your guard up. I never offer my advice unless outright asked, and truth be told the only thing I am really an expert on and truly qualified to divulge is how to keep on going after emanating copious amounts of tears on and off the mats. If you want to learn how to get people to think you are a badass despite shedding enough tears to contribute to the ice caps melting, then I’m your girl!

I am never too proud to admit I don’t know something. If I need help, I ask for it, if I want to better understand something, I seek answers from those more qualified, and if I am at a loss on what to do, I know there are people infinitely wiser than I who can help to guide me in the right direction. One tool that is so under utilized is reading. We have a wealth of knowledge literally at our fingertips, and so many choose to heed words from strangers who may be woefully under qualified. Also, if something is of serious medical concern, WebMd is not your friend. One second you’re googling why your paper cut is still so tender, and next second you’re convinced you have cancer with only a few months left to live. If only people who went to years of medical school practicing in their respective fields existed. Oh, right, doctors. And don’t even think about posting a photo of it online asking the opinions of strangers what could be causing your issue. Someone will straight up tell you how it’s a symptom of the coronavirus and you need to be quarantined. It costs literally zero dollars to mind your own business, so I simply don’t understand why people don’t adhere to that mindset more often. Offering unsolicited advice says a lot more about you than the unwilling participant receiving it. It is so self serving that it might as well be the express check out lane at your local Walmart. You are doing all this work without compensation or gratification, but you feel important in such a useless role. Congratulations homie, you played yourself.

Unless your name is Jeeves and I am asking you something directly, there is no need to offer your input. (Wow, I wonder how many 90s babies understood that reference and everyone else just glossed over my cleverness. Sigh). The harsh reality of life is most people could not care any less of the things you want or have to say and the rest of the people are just pretending to care. You are not a wizened old hermit, mentoring the lost on their quest towards greatness, so keep that sage old wisdom to yourself Gandalf. Most of you are probably taking advice from a basement dwelling incel who does nothing but watch Netflix or play Fortnite all day while gorging himself on Doritos and Domino’s pizza. Or you’re getting relationship advice from a women in her 3rd unhappy marriage who’s husband wouldn’t know affection and romance if it beat him about the face and neck. We can hear what others have to say without heeding their words as the absolute truth. Same with anything we read as well. Because nothing will help teach us and give us lessons in life like firsthand experience will. Unless you have walked a mile in that person’s shoes, there is no way to fully understand every single thing they are going through, so everyone else needs to take advice with a grain of salt. Unless that person is your paid therapist, then please feel free to go into sodium overdrive.

I’m sure we are all familiar with at least one person in our lives who simply enjoys to hear themselves talk. Whether it’s part of a narcissistic personality disorder, a sense of grandeur, wanting to feel entitled or important, or else otherwise they just have a very inflated sense of self. The world is not black and white and there isn’t a one-size fits all solution for every single scenario. Those that believe their way is always the best way and refuse to be open to others opinions or courses of action are detrimental to themselves and their growth. If someone asks for your opinion, then by all means give it, but otherwise keep your damn trap shut. We love to commentate on celebrities, on politics, on athletes, and so on. There are tv shows dedicated to critiquing what singers and actors wear on the red carpet and all of a sudden everyone is an expert. People love to rip apart an athlete’s performance while sitting on the couch shoveling hot wings down their throat (armchair expert). And everyone likes to think they have the best solution in regards to any politician’s policy or controversial decision. Truth of the matter is, most of us are very limited in the things in which we are qualified to provide our input, but no one wants to hear that they are subpar, below average, or unqualified. Unsolicited advice is like the extremists of any viewpoint, i.e. religion, women’s rights, vegans, etc, who accost you with pamphlets or show up at your door trying to jam their viewpoints down your throat. None of those are bad in and of themself, but when you are an extremist trying to force your views on those who didn’t ask, you are the lowest of the low. Heimlich maneuvers for everyone as we all choke on this bullshit and drivel. I can’t think of one instance where any of the above worked to sway someone’s viewpoints one way or another and I sure as hell can’t think of a time where unsolicited advice was heeded with grace and understanding. Learn to keep your nose to yourself and follow your own path. Keep unasked for advice to you and you alone. Better to have people think you are a fool then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.