New Year’s is a time of self reflection, goal-setting, lofty aspirations, deep thought, and contemplation. For me, it’s also a celebration of the best 3 years of my life; my anniversary. Sometimes, it feels like just yesterday when we met by getting (reluctantly on my part) paired up at a Royce Gracie seminar. Other times, it feels as if we have been together for a lifetime, even though with our almost 17 year age gap, he lived a whole lifetime before me with marriages, children, happiness, mistakes, successes, and various other experiences. He often refers to the years before me as B.S., aka before Sam; I like to refer to them as the lost years. I truly believe we met exactly when we were supposed to and at the perfect time in our lives. I feel as if we had met sooner, we never would have connected in the way that we have, and not just because Chris Hanson would have popped out of a corner a lá To Catch A Predator faster than you could say “Why don’t you have a seat right here.” If you are ever fortunate enough to meet someone who compliments you so well, do me a favor and never let them go. Now that I have my DP in my life, I am so much more fulfilled to be able to share every experience, success, failure, decision, secret, and goal with this man. He has seen me at my absolute worst and at my very best, and though I can be a downright spoiled brat filled to the brim with unnecessary emotion, his love has never wavered.
I’m exploding into the 2020’s with 4 competitions back to back. A tournament, 2 BJJ super fights, and an atom weight MMA title fight in 4 different states along the East coast. And guess who is by my side at each and every event, even competing alongside me at 2 of the above mentioned competitions. Talk about a partner you can rely on to always have your back. I went from the most toxic, horrific relationship of my life to the arms of a bearded beast who makes me happier than I ever imagined was possible. And not only that, I can be completely vulnerable and 100% myself around him, which is saying quite a bit because I’m a huge weirdo. I always joke how there is no way he would have stuck around if he knew how awkward I truly was, but I am so happy for this life we now share. I think the important thing I take away from all of this is that I learned to love myself enough to never settle. After that disastrous previous relationship, I spent time contemplating why I allowed myself to put up with bullshit for so long. I wasn’t respected, loved unconditionally, nor treated as an equal partner. I was lied to, manipulated, gaslighted, cheated on, and almost critically injured. Yet I dealt with it, and for what reason? Did I honestly believe that despicable relationship was the best I deserved? That I was so unworthy of someone’s reciprocated love and respect? Ah well, lesson learned I guess.
I’ll be spending my anniversary this year training. I’m in the middle of fight camp and won’t be able to indulge in tasty food and drinks, but it’s all more than worth it in the long run. Honestly, if I stayed home to “celebrate” I would be scolded for my ass not being at the gym, which is more than justified. I’ll be happy with a bit of venison steak (for the protein) and a hug because I’m a big baby with far too many emotions. I’ll probably have a better handle on my feelings when I am allowed to consume carbs again, especially when it’s pizza. Pizza makes everything better, quote me and put this on my tombstone. And the only thing better than that saucy and cheesy goodness, is sharing the last slice with your soulmate. Also, pineapple does belong on pizza. Especially when paired with bacon and ham. Man, I gotta stop writing these blogs while I’m hungry and cutting weight because I am salivating all over the keyboard. But anyone who has ever sparred me in the past knows that I am always drooling regardless. It’s a medical condition fam. You know who appreciates my salivary glands? That’s right, it’s my good ol’ DP, for reasons I should probably not explicitly state in writing. I’m a slobbery mess, but he’s used to the spit soaked pillows by now.
Continuing to be the baby back bitch I most definitely am, I bawled my eyes out over the card he got me for Christmas this year. Sometimes I’m softer than baby poo and not even Pampers could contain me. Or like how normally children send me running for the hills, but I have such a warm and fuzzy spot for his kids and would do absolutely anything for them. I went from a cold hearted, soulless existence, to wanting to cater to everyone’s happiness in this family. I never knew it was possible to love anyone this much, let alone these 3. Not an ounce of blood is shared between myself and them, but I would lay my heart and my life on the line for them all and do anything in my power to protect, nurture, care, and love them. John is truly the one person I will celebrate every triumph with for the rest of my life. I love that every year, we can ring in the New Year side by side and I love approaching this new decade with the best partner I could have ever imagined. I’m definitely not an easy person to love, and the fact that he is so relentless in his pursuit of my happiness speaks volumes of his character.
I hope that everyone can experience the type of love I have been fortunate to come into contact with. It has truly opened my eyes and enlightened me to what it means to be truly happy. And I was only able to find this level of nirvana once I was happy and satisfied with myself as a person. I was able to keep striving and working hard to make myself happy and then was lucky enough to find someone to share that happiness with. It’s nice to have someone who can reel you back in from the edges of a breakdown when you’re struggling, someone to laugh with at all the dumb humor you encounter, and someone to celebrate every goal and badass achievement with. Relationships are hard, and we work everyday to have a healthy and fulfilling one. Even when we argue, we discuss the things that are bothering us, and communication in our relationship has honestly been the key to why it’s so strong. We argue, yes, but we never resort to name-calling or ridicule, and we listen when the other person is airing out their grievances. We laugh together more than anything and half our conversations on text are done solely through gifs and memes. I love the fact that he can always put a smile on my face, and since being with him, I can feel every range of emotions much more strongly. I was alive before I met John, but I wasn’t truly living, and now with him in my life, I am ready for whatever this next decade throws at me.
