Trust. 5 letters, a simple word, a resolute word, but a word that carries a ton of weight. Perhaps the only word in the English language which can take a lifetime to achieve, but only seconds to dissolve. It is the foundation to all relationships, romantic and platonic, and it is the basis to this week’s blog. Without trust, there is no peace of mind, and without peace of mind, humans will be stuck in a revolving and perpetual state of anxiety, a type of limbo that even Dante’s Inferno couldn’t elaborate on. It really is our own fault if we bestow upon a relationship and make commitments while devoid of any trust amongst our partners. We are either guilty of not communicating our intents and conveying our intentions from the beginning, or our clearly communicating our needs, including when we feel slighted or emotionally hurt and downtrodden, or we allow someone to invalidate our feelings and gaslight us into believing what we have to say isn’t of importance anyways. If you can’t trust someone enough to express your feelings when something is bothering you, then you have nothing. Eventually, all of these negative thoughts about the person begin to fester and accumulate until it boils over the edge resulting in argumentative outbursts and bitter relationships as the resentment piles on.
Trust also comes into play within our platonic relationships as well. Everyone needs a core group of people they can confide in and rely upon. For instance, I competed over this past weekend against a good friend. Although I have a fight coming up, I trusted this woman to not crank on anything and to immediately release any submission should I tap. This is not something I would be comfortable doing with anyone whom I did not trust. I also trust people who give their word, because to me, your word is your bond. However, once that bond is broken I will forever remain wary around you and there is almost nothing that could be done that would reinstate that feeling. Honesty and transparency are so important when it comes to establishing relationships. Never let anyone become comfortable disrespecting you because comfort breeds habits and habits are difficult to break. Acknowledge your self worth and understand that ultimately you are the sole responsibility for your own happiness. If you seek joy in others before solidifying contentment with yourself, you will be forever chasing an unattainable folly. Relying on someone else for your happiness is like relying on a dark cloud to withhold its precipitation. It is as unpredictable as the weather and rather than putting my trust in the cumulus to not downpour, I would rather just come equipped with a raincoat and an umbrella.
When people get into new relationships, they often tend to look at their partner through rose colored glasses. Rather than being completely honest and up front from the get go, many portray themselves as somewhat different than they are in actuality in order to preserve the sanctimony of a budding relationship. Often times, people are too fearful of the repercussions associated with revealing the nature of their intentions, that they hold on to the hope that their partner will either gloss over that reveal in the long run or that they can one day change the other person. It saddens me that there are people out there committing themselves to a lifetime of misery by staying stagnant in an unfulfilled or untrustworthy relationship. Not once in these past 3 years have I ever doubted the words coming out of my partner’s mouth, or been suspicious of his phone, or envious of the admiring second glances. At the end of the day, it is me he chooses to come home to, and let’s be honest, it’s not my winning personality that keeps him around. We are so open, honest, and vulnerable with each other and I never feel judged or ridiculed for expressing myself to him, no matter how ridiculous the subject at hand. Though, apparently I have been banned from “dirty-talking” as of late because I’m too much of a writer and my descriptive use of adjectives are proclaimed highly un-sexy. Note to those reading this, the phrase ‘penetrate my loins’ will do you no justice in the bedroom.
I think it is ridiculously important to confront one another with our aims and expectations in a relationship. Do not present yourself as someone open to the ideas of matrimony or children if that was never in the cards for you. Don’t pretend you will give up certain hobbies or activities for the other when they bring you immeasurable joy. And if you find yourself engaging in detrimental habits or addictions in order to escape the truthfulness of your situation, run; get out now. Your partner should enhance your greatest qualities and not inhibit them. I have never met anyone who hypes me up as much as my man does; he encourages every ridiculous antic and every single dream I have with the utmost support, and I will always do the same for him. Don’t get me wrong, relationships are hard work, but if you continue to work at them every day they will flourish with the best of them. We have our fair share of arguments, but these are so important as they prevent us from bottling up our angers and our issues and harboring resentment for one another. We listen to each other when something is making us upset and never resort to name calling or low blows (well, there’s a time and a place for those I guess 😉 ha). The fact that we can sit around like adults and convey our feelings without elevating our emotions is a mark of the strength of our relationship and the trust and respect we have for one another.
Misery loves company, and most agonizing relationships begin with a kernel of that disdain. It makes it difficult to leave because someone or something is always there to drag you back down. Crabs in a bucket. As one begins to escape and see the light, the claws from the others drag it back down to the bottom. Crabs have no place in a trusting relationship, and yes, that also applies to exactly what you are thinking. Trust will be at the core of every relationship you establish in life, and because of this, respect and communication will coincide with ease as well. It is much easier to forgive someone than it is to forget the deceit that crumbled the trust in the first place and often times, it is irreparable and nothing will ever be the same. Can one ever truly be happy in a relationship where there isn’t complete trust? My honest answer to that is no, they won’t ever truly be fulfilled. Trust is only earned when actions meet words and it is one of the most sought after feelings found on this green earth. Be the type of person whom no one ever questions their actions or words, because they are made of such strong substance. I may not ever trust my partner to walk behind me with a bucket of popcorn ever again, but I trust him with my heart, mind, body, spirit, and feelings always. The best proof of love in any relationship, romantic or simply amongst friends, is trust and I will make sure the trust that I build in all of my relationships is built like the house of the third little pig. Not of straw, not of sticks, but of rock solid brick, and the only big bad wolf doing any type of blowing around here is my hoe ass all day long.
Well written Sam! Keep up the solid work!!!
Thank you!