Did you ever notice how the world seems to pit powerful women against each other? Whether it’s an assumed power due to career rank, achievement in sports, or perceived conceptual beauty, it always has to be a constant competition among us females in a dog eat dog world where women can never share the crown, but one must reign unquestionably supreme. In a world where women are often already at a slight disadvantage, it upsets me to see the often vicious nature and disapproving attitude we have with our peers. The only time I want to be better than another woman, is in the cage or on the mats in an important competition. Afterwards, I want to share some camaraderie because I thoroughly respect anyone willing to put it on the line and compete in such a volatile sport. That takes guts. I’ve even braided some of my competitor’s hair before we grappled each other because at the root of it all, they are my sisters. I absolutely love to watch my friends succeed. I’ve legit cried when a few of my lady friends, who have my utmost respect, have been promoted to a new belt rank in BJJ or graduated with a new educational degree from university. Like yasssss honey, you slay on the mats and in life and I hope you keep killing it!
Not everything in life is a competition. I know that sounds a little hypocritical of me to say considering what my career pursuits are. Now, I hope you don’t think for one second that I will always put myself on the line for a woman just because she is female. I believe in equality but I also believe in people deserving their position and their accolades, regardless of gender. To me, I believe that the best person for the task should come out on top. I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by such outstanding women in every facet of my life and hope that continues throughout this journey. I also want to commend my sisters competing in BJJ that are in the heightened Master’s ranks (older age groups) who grind it out on the mats with people half their age. So, not only are they brave enough to conquer a male dominated sport, they battle it out with younger generations and let nothing stop them. They even made an impact at Pan’s this year with a greater variance in age groups than there had ever been previously. You ladies are my idols.
Talk to any woman in BJJ and I’m sure she will have a story about some animosity with another lady on the mat. Like, just because there are two women who train at the same gym, they have to be pitted against each other gladiator style. This will only cause them to be at each other’s throats and resent the other woman. You ever notice that some of women’s harshest critics are other women and not men? Let’s change that. Cut out that toxicity. This isn’t the movie Mean Girls and nothing about tearing down our fellow woman is comedic or cute. She has bigger muscles than that power lifter? Awesome. I hope she can bench press the pounds of negativity she receives. She’s shaking her ass in a skimpy outfit? Awesome. I hope she shakes the jealous remarks right off her perfectly supple derriere. The only time I will look down on a woman out there doing her best to make her happy and give her confidence is if I’m straightening her crown. We are Queens; we don’t need envy enveloping the next generation of royalty.
Recently, I competed in a tournament with some of my fellow purple belts. At a local tournament where there isn’t a tremendous amount of women in this combat sport, we had all been competing against each other since we were brand new white belts. We have each won some and lost some, but I gained some lifelong friends in the process and I respect the hell out of those ladies. I love cheering for them and watching them achieve their goals and they are some of my biggest supporters when I step in the cage as well. I’m proud to say I see a lot of those attributes in John’s daughter too. As competitive as she is, she is always there to support her friends and cheer them on in life. I absolutely love that quality in her and I hope to keep exuding something she can emulate.
The internet can be a harsh place when it comes to expressing your empowerment as a woman. Some days, I like to rock my shaved head while bare faced to lift heavy things and punch people and instill fear in the average person. Other days, I like to put on a skin tight dress, wear some killer heels, do my makeup and show some serious skin as I flaunt what I worked for. Most of my snapchats are me hardcore training, me being “sultry”, or me being completely dorky in a peel-off facial mud mask. And I apologize for none of it. That’s just me being me. While I never try to make fighting “sexy” as a focal point because I want to be taken seriously as a competitor, I applaud the women who DGAF and do what they want despite the “haters.” You do you boo boo. Ain’t no shame in my game. Half the time I have strangers on the internet calling me ugly, making fun of my muscles, or lamenting that I’m a “dude with t*ts” and the other half of the time I get strangers hitting on me. It’s whatever. I don’t need to fit into a mold; I have strong women who have my back and I am eternally thankful for that.
As a woman, I headlined a fight card. It wasn’t all that long ago when the majority opinion was that women had no place in the cage, and now, there are female champions headlining main events. This past weekend, 2 women made history as they were the first openly gay athletes to fight each other. And the absolute best part of that fight was the respect and friendship each fighter showed towards each other at the end. Complete goals right there. We don’t need to judge each other for dressing a certain way, wearing too much makeup, wearing not enough makeup, not conforming, trying to fit in, wanting a family, never wanting a family, being single, being in a relationship, striving to be dainty, striving to be a warrior, and anything and everything in between. We are now the heroes we needed when we were young. So I will (literally) keep fighting for my dreams, and being inspired by watching my friends do the same. Here’s to strong women: may we know them, may we be them, and may we raise them.
