Heads Up

When did we stop caring so much about our fellow man? We went from a society of “it takes a village,” to “every many for themselves.” A little bit of common courtesy can go a long way. We all want to envision ourselves as the person who can remain devoutly independent, and doesn’t need anyone in this life in order to excel and succeed. The truth is, we all need some type of support system. Whether that be from siblings, your parents, familial members, your friendships, a spouse, a partner, a team, your coworkers etc. Life is too difficult of a journey to try to make it out there on your own. So what became of us to spurn others and stop lending out those helping hands. And even without people supporting you, if you are in combat sports, you need at least one person opposing you in order to have the chance to fight or compete. Humans need other humans.

Jiu Jitsu is a great example of this. You have your teammates and your coaches, sure, but what about outside of that? It’s wonderful if your significant other or your family supports your endeavors and watches you compete. How lovely to also be able to rely on your friends and teammates for things such as childcare (we have postpartum moms bring in their sweet babies, knowing someone will always offer to assist). Or even safe training partners to work with when nursing certain injuries. And how lovely it is to compete against other upstanding, and morally good opponents. People who choose to win based off of merit and skill rather than forgoing all that to win in unscrupulous manners (via DQ, for example). Or those who understand that at the end of the day, it is just a Jiu Jitsu match, the majority of us have jobs to work on Monday and families to provide for, and it takes time, finances, and commitment to be able to train and compete in Jiu Jitsu. I am always grateful to have opponents, and know I can’t accomplish any of my goals without having people to compete against.

That being said, nothing is worse than waiting around all day, anxious with trepidation and nerves, only to have a no-show in your bracket. Especially if you two are the sole scheduled match. I understand things happen, many times out of our control, and attendance of said opponent won’t be able to come to fruition. In the day and age of social, media, it’s quite easy to give a modicum of a heads up to either the opponent or their coach. I see posts about it all the time to try and inform their opponent. I always find it exceptionally courteous. I have been on the end where I had my scheduled person not show up, and I had registered for gi and no gi on separate days because this person in particular was the sole registrant, only to be left match-less. There wasn’t even the option of doing an absolute division because no one else was signed up in any division. I am fortunate to be in a place where traveling all that way, paying for a hotel for 2 separate nights, and coughing up funds to compete won’t put me in too bad of a spot, but it’s still disappointing. They had planned on not coming, and I wish they told me so that I could save myself some travel expenses and possibly even get a refund, and most importantly, not get my hopes up.

I have fought many years for MMA, and there were a handful of times people would no-show for that, and seemingly drop off the face of the earth. I remember one time someone had an opponent show up for weigh-ins, and then not show for the actual fight. Insane. Nowadays that I am strictly in the Jiu Jitsu world, I see this happen at scheduled super fights. People hyping up their match all week long knowing full-well they do not intend to show up. How disrespectful to the promotion, the staff, the viewers, and most importantly, your opponent. What if they don’t have frivolous spending money to waste on travel, or sacrificed some things to accommodate for childcare or pet-sitting, or even would forego much needed rest and sleep from working multiple jobs. A simple heads up would be nice to save them the disappointment. I hope people realize this squanders any professional relationship with that particular organization, and even tarnishes your reputation for possible future promotions elsewhere once word gets out. I knew of a fighter who basically got blacklisted and ousted from all major fight promotions on the east coast for constantly pulling out. If only their father had the same amount of foresight.

We need opponents in order to have matches. We need support from our friends, our peers, our team, and our families to ensure the best chances at success. I am not saying it can be done without it, but the chances are pretty slim if there isn’t at least one person in your corner. A stated before, I know things happen and life doesn’t always provide us with the ability to maintain all of our commitments. That being said, a simple sentence or two can help tremendously, and also ensures relationships with the promotion to remain intact. I don’t know how some people can skirt their responsibilities and promises in good conscience, and even more-so, talk any amount of game or promotional hype when it is clear from the get go that they do not plan on attending. How many times has any of us felt 100% going into a match or a fight? Almost never, but if it got to be to the point where I wouldn’t be able to proceed forward, I would always most certainly give someone the common courtesy of a heads up.