The Butterfly Effect

Do you ever stop and think about how one, seemingly insignificant moment in your life’s history, altered the course of your trajectory and led you to where you are, right now, at this very second of you reading this article? One tiny, seemingly minute part of your life, like a butterfly flapping its wings a thousand miles away 2 weeks ago changed everything. The week I graduated college, I was all set to move back down to Miami, and changed my mind 5 days before the ceremony. Well, actually, one too many encounters with immature boys helped changed my mind for me. I remember thinking that I would continue this cyclical pattern of falling for the wrong person, getting my heart broken, and partying my life away, so I decided to move away from it all as far as I possibly could and that led me to North Carolina. I figured I would start fresh, study for grad school, possibly law school, and bartend on the side for income while I applied. Then, the weekend I moved here, I decided to go with my brother to his Jiu Jitsu class, as I always dreamed of one day fighting in MMA, and, well, the rest is history.

I told myself that I would train relentlessly until I got my blue belt and finally fought in the cage. Convinced myself that then I would return to my studies, instead of training 2-3x a day. Welp, we all see how that turned out. I had one fight, then another, then a full amateur and then professional fighting career. I earned my blue belt, then was promoted to purple, and then all the way to where I am now at black belt. I never did return to those studies and I am not at all upset about it. Though I sometimes wonder about what would have been different if I started my training earlier, even foregoing my entire college education, with the two degrees that collect dust on my wall. Perhaps my body would have trained around my growth, and these injuries I am dealing with would never have been a factor. Maybe I would have made it all the way to the top of the MMA and fighting circuits without the debilitating knee pains holding me back from reaching the levels I had always strived for. But then again, I may not have ended up ever meeting the love of my life, which is what I will elaborate on next.

When I ended up moving to North Carolina, I met someone at that first bartending job whom I began dating. To be honest, I don’t know what I was thinking as this was someone so far removed from people I usually dated, but perhaps I hoped against hope that this meant it wouldn’t be someone who broke my heart which, as you remember, was my original reason for fleeing Florida. I was in a new state where I hardly knew anyone, and loneliness and a yearning for companionship can be such a vulnerable combination. Long story short, not only did I end up with my heart broken and looking like a total fool, but I really ended up in such a pickle of a predicament when it came to living situations and finances. I buckled up like a true adult, and weathered that storm, making much smarter choices, except for one. You see, a man I had met at a Jiu Jitsu seminar when we got partnered up immediately slid into my DM’s when my relationship status changed to single, and rather than take the logistical and pragmatic approach when it came to dating, I thought, “why not have a little fun?” And, well, my future was forever changed.

I sometimes think about the butterfly effect of every single one of those choices. What would have happened if I was weaker, and gave in to my sadness and had taken that ex back? I would be miserable. He treated me poorly, we were two totally different people, he lacked ambition and drive and was comfortable with low expectations. I saw a picture recently of this person, and woah, let’s just say I have zero regrets. And what if I listened to that voice that told me it was too soon to begin dating again? This person was too old for me, the age gap was too much, and I had never wanted to date someone with children. I guess something within me compelled me to take the plunge anyway, and I am beyond grateful that I did. I could not imagine my life without John now. Last night we were literally high-fiving on the couch the decision to get married all those years ago, as we watched the series ‘Fallout’ with our gorgeous puppy nestled between us. I love that man so much, and I am so happy with the life we built together all because of choices. My choice to start Jiu Jitsu. His choice to message me on a whim. My choice to say yes. Our choice to put everything into our academy, and our choice to build this life together.

Life will be continued to be full of choices. A decision, action, and choice you make today can alter your destiny and change your course 10 years from now. My decision to start Jiu Jitsu led me to a wonderful competition career, an incredible writing career, and the type of relationship that people dream about. I really don’t regret any of my past decisions, because it really helped to cultivate the person that I am today. It can be dangerous to live in the false reality of ‘what-ifs?’ I am here today because of every conscious action that I made, and that others in my life have made. I am friends with many people because they made the choice to walk into Schell Shock BJJ and begin their training journey’s, and I am actually in the midst of planning a girls trip centered around competing in Jiu Jitsu this very weekend with many of the ladies who train with me. I don’t know if I ever saw my life turning out the way that it did all those years ago, but I am incredibly happy with how it ended up. And with (hopefully), so much more life to live, I am excited to see where it continues to take me.