Let Them

There are people out there who choose to make you a villain in the story so that they come off a little better, and as much as it may sting to not have your side heard, sometimes you just gotta let people talk until their throat becomes raw with the amount of lies they spew to the masses. It’s not always worth the stress and effort it takes to scream over their lies and deceit and when it comes to the fabrications people begin to tell, sometimes you just gotta let them. There was a time when all of this really bothered me, to the point of breaking out in hives and being unable to sleep at night. Didn’t people care about the truth? Sure, it still bothers me a little and enough to make me feel bad, but literally for a fleeting few moments, and then it dissipates. In the past, I had allowed these feelings to linger, suffocating me and weighing me down. With degrees in Criminology and Psychology, I’m still a devout believer in uncovering the truth and getting to the root of it all to decipher and analyze the facts, but I have learned as I get older that many people choose to believe what they want anyways. Other people’s opinions of me is none of my business.

A couple of years ago, I was in the back room warming up for a fight. Once I was sufficiently warm, I stupidly decided to scroll Tik Tok aimlessly on my phone to pass the time, when in my algorithm, a video popped up about me. In it, a third party who wasn’t privy to anything in my gym life firsthand, had made a video bashing me and revealing insecurities I regaled to someone in confidence, who then plunged a knife in my back. There were so many untruths in that video of things that never took place, and just comment after comment tearing me down. Immediately reduced to tears, they then called my name to the octagon. I lost that fight, which I am sure brought others joy, but I had no one to blame but myself in the end. I let my mind become clouded with outside matters, and I was too professional for that, but a moment of weakness found me faltering under the weight of those lies. I am perfectly okay with people not liking me, but I always wanted it to be for true reasons and not because of things they “heard” or fibs they were told. But rather than some desperate attempts to get my side heard, if others want to keep this vindictive false narrative alive, I had to just let them.

Since then, I had so badly wanted to reach out to the woman who made that video, someone I thought was my friend and whom I had always supported and cheered for and am still friendly with her significant other. I wanted to explain my side, and so desperately wanted to tell her that that’s not what took place, that I sacrificed my training time for a fight I get paid to do to as an actual job and help “friends” prepare for a competition that they pay for, with the promise that they would 100% reciprocate the favor and help me get ready for my fight when they returned. Only to wait to begin to ghost me and metaphorically “break up with the gym” while on the opposite side of the country. I was blindsided, hurt, and the worst part about it was I stupidly believed I had good friends. I have never been so heartbroken, and then to make matters worse, had to read all these lies and inaccurate accounts about what took place. I never did reach out or explain my side. I felt like nothing I would say could get people to believe me anyway, as minds were already made up. But man did it hurt me for awhile to hear that I was portrayed as such a villainess and terrible person with stuff that wasn’t even true, and I was this horrible woman when all I ever wanted was friends, and embarrassingly tried so hard to build close bonds with people who laughed behind my back instead.

There have been times when it has been so hard to keep my mouth shout, and usually when I hear anything negative in regards to my husband. Fortunately, it rarely happens as John is an amazing person and always sticks his neck out for others in order to do the right thing. In fact, my biggest criticism of his character is that he often gives people far too many chances even when they have proved themselves undeserving of them, and then he gets hurt in the end. I kind of admire his ability to always see the good in others, and I wonder if I have simply become too jaded by past encounters to try and find a light at the end of the tunnel. There are people I know that exist that suffer with the jealousy they possess over the amount of success my husband has accrued, and would love nothing more than to dismantle everything he has worked for. It’s sad to me how people hate others for accomplishing things they themselves can not do. If I see others doing great things, it motivates me to keep working to climb higher, rather than just wishing they would stumble and fall. If I become great at something, I want to do it from my own volition, and not because someone else failed.

Perhaps with the recent loss of life to someone so close to me, I have really put things into perspective to what truly matters. There will always be people who smile in your face and speak ill will of you behind your back. The more you achieve and have people know your name, the more you open yourself up to others hating on you and lying on you. With the amount of lies the media pushes forth into the spotlight (think all the misinformation regarding the 2020 Covid pandemic), you think we would learn that not everything we “see” is fact, and that a lot of smoke and mirrors can go into effect to portray a false narrative. Unless you witness something firsthand or truly experience it yourself, you never know if the words and images are what actually took place. Hell, you can read this entire blog and think I’m just talking out my ass, but hey, at least it’s a nice ass. Sometimes when it comes to all the bullshit people like to discuss, you’ve got to just let them. Maybe one day karma will ring true, people will choke on their lies, and the truth will prevail. But I am definitely not going to spend one more sleepless night hoping things fall into place; rather I am just going to keep trying to do good, with my life partner and great friends by my side every step of the way.