How many people cross paths in our life that truly enjoy every moment of our failures, and relish in every single one of our down falls. Sometimes out of jealousy or envy, or out of a once-soured relationship, or simply because our mere existence seems to bother them. But if there is a universally relatable experience out there, it is that someone out there takes satisfaction in any of our singular low moments in life. I know I have people living out there who have bathed in the illustrious joyous feelings my misery has brought to them, so trust me when I say that if you ever celebrated in anything negative or bad ever happening to me, or me being upset, heartbroken, or mentally or physically beaten and defeated in any single way, I hope with every fiber of my being that you feel sick to your stomach with any success that comes my way. If you have ever triumphed in my grief-stricken and depressive states, may my top dog, golden age eras make you viscerally ill. Choke on every morsel of my happiness and may no life-saving measure in existence be able to resuscitate you.
If it wasn’t such a relatable canon event in people’s lives, there wouldn’t be countless chart-topping hits about it. No revenge songs a la ones like “Gives You Hell” by the All American Rejects to sing along too. Nobody would be jamming out to “So What” by Pink or “Fuck You” by Cee-Lo Green. America absolutely loves an underdog story. The person that rose from the ashes; the person that was buried beneath the dirt over and over again only to plant their roots and rise from the soil and grow into the strong ass tree that they became. My favorite version of Cinderella is the one where I can watch the bitter stepsisters be miserable in the distance watching Cinderella get her Prince Charming in the end. Even now, there’s a story in the news circulating about country star Miranda Lambert being a Bitter Betty, with people clamoring about how they know Gwen Stefani is just sitting at home laughing about everything that is going on.
Maybe I am just thinking about all of this stuff recently because there’s been a few times where some people I have competed either with or against have been absolutely abhorrent and vocal in rooting for my downfall, only to end up months or years later the victim of someone else’s gruesome highlight reel. And we aren’t just talking slightly good highlights, but twerking over lifeless bodies good. And you know, sometimes it really is the little things. So yeah, it is true that if we all stay in this sport long enough, we probably will end up in someone else’s montage of noteworthy finishes, but I do feel like those of us with better karmic scores maybe end up tipping the scales slightly more in our favor. Win or lose, I can at least live with my choices and the honor and integrity it has taken me to get the results no matter how they ended up. And fortunately, I still have (hopefully) many more years to build up my own reels.
I want the people who watch from the sidelines who absolutely scream with jubilant glee when I succeed. The ones who knew how much blood, sweat, and tears went into every obstacle that came into my path until I reached my destination. And oh boy, were there tears. More than most know, or than I would ever like to truly admit. And it saddens me to know that there are people that exist that would giggle and laugh with every teardrop that fell from my eyes. Every salty drip of water that ran down my face and fell off my cheek would lighten their heart and bring a smile to their face. The weights that bared down on my soul, crushing my heart and making it hard to breathe, slowly suffocating me and closing my walls would bring a flicker of light to their faces and add a trot to their every step. So now when things seem to be on an incline, I am happy, I am finding success in life, in love, and the things that bring me joy, am I petty in hoping that a small part of me hopes it makes them stumble just a wee bit? Sure, I want to be the bigger person. But man, I’d be lying to say if I wasn’t losing sleep over it.
Success has and always will be the greatest revenge. I also have the greatest partner, best friend, and lifelong soulmate that makes me feel like I am winning in everything I do, so who cares about what happens on a mat, in a cage, at the office, etc., (although it doesn’t hurt). But damn, I really do be wondering sometimes if people that harbor a deep-seated hatred for me ever read my blogs. Maybe they read my sad blogs and chuckle to themselves, savoring every single moment of my sadness and misery. Or maybe they are reading all these happy ones as of late, seething every single second with how great things have been going. So if that’s you, and you are reading this one, I hope you soak it all in, that it eats away at you from the inside out, that it tears away at you, burns and sears into your flesh, and keeps you awake at night with the thoughts of my success just gnawing away at your brain. Anyway, have a good week everyone else! Keep on trucking!
