Take a Big Whiff

They say in life that sometimes you gotta stop and smell the roses, but I’m in the middle of fight camp wondering how I’ll have time to stop and smell anything when all I can smell is the scent of my own sweat oozing out of my pores as I push my body to its mental and physical limits. This camp is a difficult one, and I am pushing it so hard because I am tired of my performance not reflecting my training. If it was easy, there would be many more people out here doing what it is I am doing, and as hard as it is to train my ass off and cut 20 lbs, the more satisfied I will be when it pays off. So when you are running around ragged to try and be the shit, the only thing you have time to catch a scent of is the hard work emanating off of every inch of skin you possess. Don’t worry, this is why I take 3 showers a day while in fight camp, which yes, definitely cuts into my already very limited time.

I know fighting will only constitute a very infinitesimal fraction of my life, so while it may limit much of my free time now, it is quite temporary, and I am going to work hard to make the most of it. I know there are lots of people who may watch what I do from the outskirts, and think I am blessed to always wake up with a motivated mindset to go train, but they may be in shock to learn how incorrect that assumption is. Although I feel myself very fortunate to get to chase after a dream I have always wanted for myself, it would be foolish to pretend that everyday I wake up eager to sacrifice extra sleeping time in the pursuit of long drives and strenuous hours getting pulverized on the mats. Sometimes I have to drag my sore and battered body out of bed and longingly tell myself “I get to do this” so that when I am severely calorie deprived, I don’t crumble and cry right then and there. But man, am I proud of the things my mind can overcome.

When people only see a few minutes of what constitutes a tiny fraction of your training, it can be disconcerting to know they don’t witness all the blood, sweat, and tears behind the scenes. Particularly the mental battles telling yourself you are good enough and you are worthy. Fighting is a hard enough sport physically, but mentally so much more so when it comes to mustering up the strength to continue when every fiber of your being is clamoring for reprieve, telling you that you have had enough and it is okay to rest. Well, to me, it is never okay to take that break unless injured or the job is done. I feel like my job is never done and therefore I must always continue working to try and be the shit. Even though most days it feels like I am just being shit on instead. Ah well, time to ignore those “feelings” in lieu of actuality.

Maybe I just make these blog posts to inspire myself when I am feeling particularly down. I am definitely having a bit of a rough go right now, and I will do almost anything to try and convince myself I am not a failure or a weak little bitch and that I am capable and can do all of the things. Even if I have to fudge the truth a little bit to try and tell myself that I am the person that can convince myself that I love the smell of napalm in the morning because it smells of victory. Well, I guess I better get a big whiff, and activate whatever it is inside of me that can turn it on and persevere. I will continue to try and thrive, because that is who I am at my core, and I hope to ignite a little bit of inspiration along the way.