Look Them In The Eye

So the other day I was in the deli line at Harris Teeter, and I was watching a woman order her Boar’s Head cold cuts in a rushed and dismissive manner. The young man working the counter must have been 20 at most, and was enthusiastically greeting his customer and engaging in polite conversation to get the correct order. She rushed through her words, didn’t utter a thank you, and looked away every time he tried to verify the thickness of the cut or the precise amount, requiring him to ask multiple times and you can see the anxiety and worry on his face that he was going to possibly get yelled at for not doing the order correctly as she was brushing him off so quickly and making his earnest job so difficult. When I went to place my order, I made eye contact with the employee, spoke clearly and confidently, and thanked him for his good work. Such simple gestures I could do that immediately saw a 180 in his demeanor, and he seemed so grateful to be recognized with a simple and sincere ‘thank-you.’ And it got me thinking, why don’t I always approach life like that? With my head held high, radiating confidence, a strong voice, and speaking directly with every person like they truly matter (literally when the idea for this exact blog sprouted in my brain). Sure, we all go through rough days where we would much rather be left alone, but our burdens are not for others to bare and they are simply an external factor who may be negatively impacted by our treatment to them. Be better.

Ever heard of the phrase, ‘fake it till you make it?’ Well, these days, I absolutely swear by this sentiment. It’s crazy how even walking around with confidence or authority immediately changes your entire mindset. Who’s gonna question the boss ass bitch who clearly looks like she knows what she’s doing? Spoiler alert, I don’t, no matter what it may appear. I am often a worrying mess filled with anticipating dread and anxiety, and for what? To stress about things that may or may not happen? Because I care too much what other people think or how they will view me or making mistakes or looking stupid? Y’all, that is absolutely no way to live. I refuse to live my life fearful of the possibilities of what could happen, because I wasted too much time before dreading certain possibilities, half of which never came to fruition anyway. Life is definitely full of a bunch of surprises, but the only thing dwelling on what may happen will cause is just my own misery. It’s hard to separate our mind from life’s uncertainties, but if we don’t live in the present, we will miss so much of what makes life worth living. By living with the mindset that we have a fundamental purpose to exist, well that itself will open us up to getting the most we can out of each day.

To be able to look people in the eye always shows us our true nature. Those who are deceitful, liars, or carry shame for the negative thoughts and actions they have caused and accrued won’t be able to stare down those who face them. I may make lots of mistakes in life, but I try my best to live virtuously and atone for them, so that I can face each person with the knowledge that I can continue to do right by people. Perhaps it is the Jew guilt of my Bubbe who lives on in my heart, but I can’t face the world if I’ve behaved or acted in a way that has done wrong to others without trying my apologetic best to make up for it. I have enough issues with sleep as it is, but laying down with a guilty conscious would absolutely eviscerate my sleeping schedule more detrimentally than it is already. Like, I will literally have nightmares from something I did when I was 12, so I need to make things right and then make up for it tenfold. I’m sure there’s people out there reading this that think I’m awful, but other people’s opinions of me won’t matter to me more than the opinion I have of myself, and if I continue to try my best, well, then I am proud of me and can live with who I am.

When you enter a room with your head held high, you see everything in front of you and all that awaits you. If your eyes are downcast, and your head hung low, you not only miss things right before your very eyes, but also cast every shadow of doubt in your wake. It’s important to face things head on, even if it’s a hard blow, because the only shots that really put you down and out are the ones you don’t see coming. I want to face whatever is coming my way, even if it is not the most favorable of actions or outcomes (also because I vehemently hate surprises). No one admires or flocks to the person who’s eyes are always downcast, shoulders hunched, and timidly wavering back and forth on their toes. This is projecting so much unassuredness and insecurity to the world. Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you are right, and that is what makes all of the difference. You never know who is looking up to you, or even watching what you do, and doesn’t it mean the absolute world to know you are inspiring someone, giving them a reason to continue to push forward? I’m not exactly sure what the meaning to life is, but I do know what gives life meaning, and it is definitely by being a catalyst for others to never give up.

Stare down your enemies, make eye contact with your adversaries, meet a kind stranger’s gaze, look people in the eye, and face what’s coming. There is so much respect to be gained just by treating people like real people and acknowledging their worth and existence. There are no misread cues that occur when things happen face to face, but only with averted eyes and behind closed doors. Maybe that’s why these days there is so much shadiness and underhandedness that exists or so many people riddled with anxiety and nervous behavior. Social media is just another version of not looking people in the eye, because trust me when I say people get a whole lot braver and bolder behind a screen. There are people who seem to command respect when they walk into a room, not because they demand it, but their aura just radiates confidence and leadership. These are the types of people I want to be around in hopes that I can emulate their actions and admirable personality traits as well. They make everyone feel worthy, whether it is someone in the lowest dregs of their existence dealing with personal turmoil, or the grandest of people walking the earth. Look everyone in the eyes from your foe to your biggest confidante, and watch how no hiccups in the world can shake your core. Look people directly in the eye, and you will find that their eyes reveal more about their true selves than their mouths could ever do.