Coaching & Relationships

Probably one of the hardest things in the world to deal with, is watching one of our loved ones suffer or get hurt and not being able to stop the pain from occurring. I don’t think it ever hurt me emotionally as badly before as when my husband or his kids were hurting from something painful, and there was really nothing I could do to take the pain away except to be there for them. I would much rather absorb all of that pain, plus a thousand times more, an have it thrust upon me than to ever have to watch the people I care about most in the entire world suffer. Usually, it is emotional pain, but there are times where it is physical as well. Ask any parent with a a sick or ill child, and I am sure they will tell you. God, I can’t even imagine that type of pain and my heart seriously hurts and weeps for them. So what kind of psychopath willingly puts themselves in harms way while their loved ones not only watch the pain happen, but are also the ones coaching them through it? Hi, it’s me, that psychopath Samantha Schell.

So obviously if you have read my blogs before, you know I am a Professional Mixed Martial Artist. I fight for a living and I willingly sign a contractual obligation acknowledging all the risks associated with my desired profession, including that I may sustain permanent, life-altering injuries and even the possibility of death. Hence, psychopath. You know who probably doesn’t want me to die? My husband. (There isn’t some exorbitant life insurance policy on me, I checked). You know who is also my primary Jiu Jitsu coach and one of my cornermen in MMA? My husband. Yep, that’s right. The man who loves me more than anyone and anything in the whole entire world has been there cage side and mat side numerous times watching me take on an onslaught and barrage of violence through countless strikes, submissions, and takedowns. And he must do it all with the side of his brain that eschews all emotional influence. Facts, not feelings.

My other cornerman also happens to be family, but not by blood. He has been there early on in my career, kicking my ass every single step of the way. Actually, the first time I met him resulted in him absolutely demolishing me in a striking session for an hour straight. Then I all but begged him to be my coach. I know it must be difficult to watch what is pretty much his little sister put herself into situations where I sometimes end up worse for wear. But if anyone understands this lifestyle, it is the person that has been in the exact same predicament before as a professional fighter. So I know for a fact I have put myself into the most trustworthy, efficient, experienced, and capable hands that I could possibly muster.

Now, imagine that these 2 people, who care so much about their fighter and competitor, that they begin to let their emotions cloud their judgment. Meaning, lessening up their rigidity and strictness on me in training because it causes them anguish to cause my distress (think of a parent having to punish their child while proclaiming the truth that it “hurts me much more than it hurts you. Now imagine that same parent not disciplining their child’s punishable behavior because they don’t want to make them upset or be labelled the ‘bad guy.’ You are only doing your child a disservice and allowing them to skate by with negative behavior and probably not be a productive member of society, and if I am being honest, more than likely an asshole to boot). My coaches would cause me detriment by taking it easy on me and lead to instances where I could possibly suffer even more greatly in a fight because I am ill-prepared. Or end up heartbroken from a loss that I clearly should have been able to win if I had put in the necessary work. They wouldn’t be helping me, only hurting me in the long run.

If you allow your fighter or competitor to simply do the bare minimum because you don’t want to “yell” at them, or be hard on them, or correct them, or demand more from them, or rectify their behavior in any way because you are worried about the repercussive feelings they may have in that moment towards you, then you do not need to be their coach. Sure, sometimes emotions become heightened in the moment, but a temporary feeling of animosity or loathing does not equate for long-term when it comes to fighting. If you demand another round of me interspersed with sprawls while all my fresh teammates shark tank me intermittently, then yeah, I probably despise you in that moment. But then, come fight time, my cardio endures and my mental resiliency keeps me from relinquishing and I am grateful you demanded more of me and pushed me past the limits I set on myself. I have without a doubt have had temporary and feeling moments of unadulterated hatred towards my coaches. But they were so brief, and at the end of the day, I love them all so much. Thank you for keeping my best interests at heart, even when it’s hard.