Though I may be the size of a grubby little song-show and dance Oompa Loompa, I’m no byproduct of Willy Wonka and therefore under zero obligation to sugarcoat shit for you, or me, or anyone else. There is only one golden ticket to my chocolate factory, and it is in the sole hands of John Schell, so everyone else is fresh out of luck. But I do have a strong connection with the candy factory connoisseur, and not simply for the fact that Willy Wonka is a beautiful euphemism for some more of that BDE I got slanging around and readily available. As Mr. Wonka says, we are the music makers and the dreamers of dreams. Basically meaning it is up to us to create our own destinies. No lazy man would be able to conquer a factory of chocolate and candy wonderland of adventure and inventions without putting in the creative and hard working effort it takes to get there. No fighter will book high light reel finishes without taking the time to put in the work and discipline it takes to achieve those outcomes. Move over Charlie and dilapidated grandpa Joe, who went from a shared a bed with 3 other aging seniors unable to move when lo and behold you heard chocolate factory and popped out out of bed like a spring chicken with a fully functioning bod, but I digress. I’m taking over this factory, being my own boss, and giving free reign on oompa loompas to wrist lock all they see fit because just like Veruca Salt, I want it now.
Pure imagination is what started out in this path that I love so much. Without the imagination to dream my big dreams, I’d still be twiddling my thumbs in a dark alleyway with a half eaten bar of chocolate, metaphorically so to speak. Without imagination, there is no Charlie Bucket and glass bottomed elevator. With no imagination, there is no Wolf Queen dreaming of atom weight success. I hope they all underestimate me like Gene Wilder hobbling out with a cane only to execute the surprise momentum to catapult in a perfect somersault to his feet. I can have obstacle after obstacle in my path, but with big dreams and big imagination I believe in myself enough to prevail and end up on top. I don’t want to waste this life sitting idly by, always wondering what if and never taking risks. Sure, with risks, there is the possibility that my outcome won’t be the one I anticipated, but at least I won’t have the regret of never having tried. I may have lost my professional debut, a dream of mine I have had since childhood, but it’s only up from here. I’ve been taking notes and I feel great and I already to get back to work and fight.
I refuse to be a Grandpa Joe, and make every excuse imaginable to be lazy and sit on my ass until by pure luck a magical opportunity presents itself right at my fingertips. I refuse to even be a Charlie Bucket and put all my follies and dreams in a game of hope and chance. And definitely not a Veruca Salt, who wanted all the reward without putting in any of the work and wanted everyone else to do the tough stuff for her so she could claim victory. If anything, I’m more like a Violet Beauregard, who was so determined to break every candy related record and knew there was no doubt in her mind that she would come across a golden ticket. Violet’s downfall, however, was being entirely too stubborn to believe others could possibly know more than her and refused to listen. I will always try my hardest to be an exceptionally coachable athlete and listen to those I entrust with my career and my success who undoubtedly have more knowledge, skill, and experience than I.
FYI, I’m not even listing Mike Teevee as a character because I hated that annoying little shit more than anyone in the whole damn movie with his self entitled, spoiled demeanor who back talked to his mother more times than I can count. So let’s proceed to Augustus Gloop. All the Wonka children were greedy in their own way, but poor Augustus was clearly a product of improper parenting. This is what happens in a society where everyone gets a participation trophy or declared a winner just for showing up. We will have a universe full of chocolate river guzzling heathens blocking the aqueducts to flow the pipes properly. I’m on a path where the only thing I’m trying to guzzle is the knowledge on how to train to better improve my skills, which I must say is quite the 180 from whatever Sami Miami used to guzzle her spare time, although to be fair, chocolate river probably wouldn’t be too far off. Side note, I hope any potential sponsors looking at me have a terrific sense of humor. Rather than jumping on the cavity and diabetes train, we hopping on the Wolf Queen train and I’m chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-choo-chooing all the way to the top.
At the end of the day, I feel as if my dreams are right on par with owning a gigantic chocolate factory with green-haired orange little people minions willing to torture children for chocolate payment. Go big, or go home. Sure, this career path is far from easy, there are a ton of sacrifices that must be made, and my body pays a hefty price for what I endure, but so did Willy Wonka. His only friends were dancing and singing creatures half the size of anyone else and my only friends have CTE, kind of similar I guess. I can’t wait to keep on pushing to make dreams come true and I’ll do whatever it takes, whether it be wading through fudgey fountains, battling greedy opponents, or training my cardio until my legs fall off. Like an everlasting gobstopper, I will forever be on the tip of your tongue and sticking around for quite some time. And if you ever need the subtle reminder that I am here, there, and everywhere, just know that my Wonka is radiating that BDE to make your day little bit brighter. Mixing it with love to make the world taste good. Ya girl is hungry, and I promise you it’s for far more than just chocolate.
