I preface a lot of posts by saying I don’t know who needs to hear this but (and then implementing my infinite wisdom on the masses with the next sentence) but this time I am screaming this advice from the rooftops because this is something everyone in all walks of life needs to hear. You were not put on this earth to go through the motions, hit certain expectant mile markers, and then die. You were put here to fuck shit up. I’m tired of all these “so-called” accomplishments we are supposed to achieve. Go to school. Get a job. Get married. Start a family etc. Spoiler alert, you are not a failure for deviating from a cookie-cutter life path. In fact, I excelled at school, double-majored in Criminology and Psychology and graduated with honors, and I don’t even use my degrees. I have an unconventional job, never wanted to have kids (though I have been beyond fortunate to accumulate 2 by happenstance) and marriage was never in the cards for me (hello domestic partnership, aka that DP life). I do not view my situation as anything other than perfect for myself and my family. Because most importantly, I am happy. I am not waking up each day dreading the day before me. I am not wallowing in my stressors nor drowning in misery. There are bad days, sure, but the even the bad days are more than tolerable because of the people I have surrounded myself with.
I know it’s cliche to tell people that it gets better, but man, it really does. When we are in these deep dark holes, it’s hard to imagine an escape into the sunlight, and we can feel so isolated trapped in the darkness and even worse, we can feel like a burden to those around us. You are not a burden. You matter. Each and every day that you exist in this world, you serve a purpose. I, too, am guilty of feeling like what I do is inconsequential because no one really notices. But all it takes is one person to acknowledge something positive they see in you and it can change your whole outlook. In fact, this very thing happened to me just last week and I can’t even begin to explain how much that has meant to me. Now, don’t get me wrong, I also know it is my responsibility to try and help myself and shut down that negative voice in the back of my head making me insecure and doubting myself. But it is always nice when someone else is there to reinforce the concept that you are doing all the right things. Perhaps we are only buried in the darkness to. find the strength to grow our wings and emerge in the light.
The other day I was discussing life paths with my partner. We were talking abut regrets and while both of us have made questionable decisions in our past, the only true regret we had was not starting our Jiu Jitsu journeys sooner. While it makes me sad to sometimes think where I might have been had I taken up this sport when I was much younger, I can’t dwell on these feelings. Instead, I try and think of the positives. For example, if I had begun this career path sooner, who is to say I would be where I am now, with a loving partner and family who I absolutely would not trade for the world. That man and his kids mean more to me than any other lofty dream imaginable and I know with their support, there are still many things I can set out to do and still accomplish. Life would be so incredibly miserable and disheartening if all we did was sit around and focus on the failures, or the what-ifs, or the regrets. It would be a hopeless existence and feel like nothing would be worthwhile to pursue. I was not brought into this life to merely absorb oxygen day in and day out, but I will do whatever it takes to leave a lasting mark or I will die trying. Deep down, I know I have enhanced someone’s life for the better simply by being there for them, and I want you to know that you have too.
Life is entirely too short to not acknowledge the influence people have on us. From minuscule to great, the simplest of thoughts and actions can leave a lasting impact. Just like in every time travel movie, they talk about the butterfly effect: part of the chaos theory where even something as simple as a minute localized change in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere. Basically stemming from the idea of the phenomenon that a butterfly flaps its wings in Chicago and a tornado occurs in Tokyo. We all have the ability to be the butterfly in this scenario and would you rather be able to flap your wings and cause a cataclysm of epic proportions or do you wanna stay an inept caterpillar forever forming a stagnant chrysalis and remaining in a pathetic cocoon for all eternity!? Let’s be some mf-ing butterflies flapping our wings and causing chaos and amazing feats everywhere we go. In the grand scheme of things, I know it’s hard to imagine even the smallest of actions and words that we produce effecting anyone else but ourselves, but that’s the beauty of this vast world we are a part of. We effect so many more people than we even realize. For example, I wonder how many people out there read my blog that I don’t even know of. Whether they hate me, or they love me, or they just wanna see a psychotic chick ramble, my words probably resonate with more people than I comprehend. Just when you think it’s time to crawl away and hide, you molt your shedding and grow some wings and emerge forth to fly.
I always try to convey that I have a super tough persona, which is entirely false by the way, but I feel like I may be ruining that perceived image with all my butterfly references. But you know who was a total badass and compared himself to a butterfly all the time? That’s right y’all, motherfucking Muhammad Ali, the champion and the greatest. Good enough for him, and good enough for me. I hope everyday that my butterfly effect is enough to positively impact those around me or even inspire those across great distances. I know for a fact I was not meant to be ordinary and hit the expected goals in life like a dutiful, albeit boring, individual. My path is a bit more skewed, a bit more winding, somewhat more treacherous, and a whole lot less travelled, but no risk results in no reward. The simple fact that I exist is enough motivation for me to want to make it matter, and even on the days where I don’t feel like I accomplish much at all, I will keep persevering. Well behaved women rarely make history, and if that means I gotta flap my wings until I almost keel over from exhaustion, then so be it. Because this butterfly definitely knows how to sting so tell all of them wasps that ya girl is ready.
