There are some things in life that I just don’t think I will ever become accustomed to no matter how often it occurs or the frequency in which it takes place. Since I was a young girl, I’ve aspired to achieve some form of greatness. I always wanted to push myself so far past what I thought would be possible in order to hunt a previously unobtainable dream. I remember telling my mom when I was a little girl (well, I’m still little, but believe it or not I used to be even smaller) that I was destined to change the world. Since the age of 14, I listed my dream job as an MMA fighter on almost any form asking this question. I’m pretty happy to say that I think the younger version of myself would be pretty proud at the woman I grew to be, constantly chasing my lifelong dreams. With such high aspirations, it would make sense that I would be attempting to create a legacy for others to emulate, but I never realized the actuality of that occurring. I know there are eyes on my everywhere I turn, and I must lead in an exemplary way that can inspire others; even on days where I feel like I can’t even motivate myself to brush my hair, I muster up the wherewithal to do it so that they never see me falter. Some days I am a queen, but most days I feel like a potato, and those are the days I throw on my metaphorical glitter and strut onward like the iridescent french fry that I am.
There are young kids in our youth BJJ program who watch what I do and look up to me. They want to dress like me, act like me, and hell, even style their hair like me (bless their hearts). There are young kids and teenagers who have seen me at my fights and ask for pictures with me and even autographs. I will never feel that I have done enough to earn such respect and accolades, but I will always happily oblige. I am truly humbled by the lives I have touched and in turn, I have been heavily affected by them as well. The general feeling of warmth that envelops my soul when someone tells me I have inspired them is simply indescribable. As much as I love fighting in the cage, I love being a positive influence even more. It holds me accountable to a certain degree and I implore myself to adhere to specific guidelines to be worthy of the adoration, something I personally feel like I won’t ever be deserving of, but am thankful to those who think differently.
However, out of everyone I can possibly be a role model for, there is one person who to me, is my ultimate reason for being the best Sam that I can be. John’s daughter, Aaliyah, is without a doubt my number one person for making sure I am a leader when it comes to training. Of course, I want to always lead by example, being that I have taken hours of educational courses in order to become a certified instructor at the gym, but if there is anyone watching what I do and learning from how I conduct myself, I want it to be Aaliyah. She makes me want to be a better person each and every day. There are some days where I am pulverized into a busted shell of a person, searing with aches and pains and the guilty knowledge that I had a sluggish and off day at training which resulted in performing much lower than my capabilities and getting my ass kicked. Those are the days I want to lash out in anger, or cry right there on the mats, or even quit midsession. However, those are also the days I grit my teeth and drive myself to continue, because I do not want Aaliyah to ever think it’s okay to quit when things get difficult. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, and if there is one thing I have learned in my short time on earth is that nothing worth having comes easy. Life doesn’t owe us anything, but it is up to us to make the most out of it. I choose to suck the marrow out of life and seize the day. I will never harbor the regret of wasting my days accomplishing nothing, but whether I succeed or whether I fail, I will know that I gave everything I had, even on the days my blood has spilled and my tears have flowed. A calm ocean never made a skilled sailor.
Just the other day, John had Aaliyah stay for competition training after class with the MMA fighters. It’s usually just a handful of us and we get absolutely annihilated by our teammates and coaches shark tank style. Iron sharpens iron and the tough will prevail. This is no easy task. I’ve witnessed grown men quit, cry, and puke on days like that very one. Aaliyah is only 15 years old and was fed to the wolves. We were all pushed harder than ever before during this training and I wanted to break down, but when I saw how rough of a time she was having mentally, I dug deep and rounded up the group morale. I worked harder than anyone else there all because her eyes were on me and I refuse to let her down. What message would I be sending if I gave up just because I’m being demolished by my much larger and inadvertently more skilled coaches and training partners? That is not a champion’s attitude. She will not see me falter, she will not see me as weak. She will be able to reflect upon these hard times and make it through because she will always have me encouraging and supporting her along the way. If I do one thing right in this world, it will be paving a path for Aaliyah to thrive. She will see nothing but grit and determination coursing through my veins and embedded deep within my soul. I love that girl more than she could ever know and I will never concede defeat with her keeping watch.
We may not think of ourselves as role models, but the day we step into the cage (or have a kid), we become one. Easily one of the best feelings I have ever had was after the brutal battle of my last fight resulting in a dominant victory on my end. The moment I stepped out of the cage, Aaliyah was right there sobbing, ready to hug me. Jacob too, was nothing but smiles. Seeing the love and pride in their faces made every difficult moment leading up to that pivotal point worth it. I seriously have no words for the exuberance I felt when I saw their faces. I may never be the “perfect” parental figure, and I screw up all the time and acknowledge my shortcomings, but I will never disappoint those kids with a lack of effort. I will try and try again no matter how many times I get knocked down. No guts, no glory. No pain, no story. If I can make her proud, I will consider my journey in life a success. Likewise, I will always be in her corner as well. Every accomplishment, achievement, competition, or performance she takes part in, I will be there (probably sobbing with elation) to root her on.
Aaliyah is growing into such a smart, caring, strong, independent, fierce, and beautiful woman. Despite any rough patches along the way, I have never seen her give up. I am so proud watching her at training pushing past the difficulties and learning to adapt to new challenges. I’m beyond happy to motivate others and lead a positive perception, but I have no words when it comes to the emotions I feel inspiring her. Though I may stumble, because of her I will not fall. I catch myself altering my attitude on certain days simply because of her presence. She has made my life all the much better just by being in it and I will make sure every day that I’m a worthy role model whom she can love, admire, and respect. I enjoy positively impacting the world, and I know the greatest change I can influence starts at home. Athletes often get told they’re heroes, but truly, she is mine. A good leader motivates, but a great leader incites change, and most importantly, change within themselves. No matter where this life takes me, I am changed for the better because I will lead a path emblazoned with perseverance. Pain is temporary, quitting is forever and thanks to Aaliyah, failure will never enter my vocabulary again. Giving up is optional, and it is an option I will never pursue no matter how difficult things become, like a phoenix, from the ashes I will rise.
Nice! Well put! #readmyblog